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Wooden Bowl When You Grow Old

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and a four-year-old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together nightly at the dinner table. But the elderly grandfather’s trembling hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult.

Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass often milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about grandfather,” said the son. I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.

There, grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner at the dinner table. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. Sometimes when the family glanced in grandfather’s direction, he had a tear in his eye as he ate alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up.”

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. Children are remarkably perceptive.

Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that everyday building blocks are being laid for the child’s future.

Let us all be wise builders and role models. Take care of yourself, and those you love, today, and every day!

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents…” (Qur’an, 29:8)

“And your Lord has decreed (commanded) that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents…” (Qur’an, 17:23)

“The Lord is pleased with the act of giving pleasure to the parents, and the Lord is angry with him who angers the parents.” (Saheeh Al-Jamee, no. 3500)

I’ll Never Beat A Slave Again

Let’s listen to this story narrated by Abu Mas’ood Al-Badri, a Companion of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): I was beating a slave of mine with a whip, then I heard a voice behind me saying, “Remember, Abu Mas’ood!” I did not recognize the voice because I was so angry, but when he drew close to me I saw that it was the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), and he was saying, “Remember, Abu Mas’ood; remember, Abu Mas’ood!” I threw the whip aside and he said, “Remember, Abu Mas’ood, that Allah has more power over you than you have over this slave.”

I said, “I will never beat another slave again.” And saying this, he set the slave free for the sake of Allah. At this, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “If you had not done so, you would have been touched by the Fire.” (Sahih Muslim)

My eyes were pricked with tears when I read this Hadith. No less marvelous than the soft, yet effective admonition of the Prophet (peace be upon him) is the soft-heartedness and sincerity of the Companion. Subhan Allah! He narrated this incident in spite of the fact that it showed him in a bad light so that future generations would record the teachings of the Prophet (peace be upon him), learn from his mistake, and remember to be mindful of their Lord in similar situations.
Yet, little do we remember!

Horrific incidents of the physical abuse of maids surface with depressing regularity in national newspapers and are featured in the international media, evoking widespread outrage and dismay, and in certain cases, play right into the hands of biased media outlets trying to tar Islam and Muslims with the brush of ‘barbarism’.

The fact is, the Prophet (peace be upon him) not only taught us to honor the rights of servants through the verses of the Qur’an and his personal actions and words during his lifetime, he strenuously urged Muslims to do so even with his last breath! He emphasized the kind treatment of servants to such an extent that it is reported by Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) that the last words spoken by the Prophet at the time of his death were, “The prayer! The prayer! Fear Allah concerning your slaves and servants!” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad Al-Bukhari)

The early Muslims took these words to heart and followed them to a T. Thus, we have records like that of Al-Ma’roor Bin Suwayd, who said, “I saw Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) wearing a hullah (a suit of two garments) and his slave was wearing something similar. I asked him about that and he said that he had insulted a man in the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) by saying disparaging words about his mother. The man went to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and told him about that, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “You are a man who still has something of Jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic period of Ignorance) in you. They are your brothers and servants whom Allah has placed under your authority. Anyone who has his brother under his authority, let him feed him the same food as he eats and dresses him in the same clothes as he wears, do not overwhelm them with work and if you give them work to do, then help them with it.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

In his exegesis in the book ‘Fath Al-Bari’, Al-Hafiz ibn Hajar said, “This Hadith shows that it is forbidden to insult slaves or speak disparagingly of those who bore them. We are enjoined to treat them well and be kind to them. Although it speaks of slaves, this includes employees and other workers. It also shows that we should not feel superior to another Muslim or look down on him.”
Yet, little do we remember!

Similarly, the successors of the early Muslims were mindful of these rights. There is an account of the righteous Caliph Umar Bin Abdul Aziz who was attended to by a slave, who fanned him as he slept. After a while, the slave was overcome by sleep and dozed off. When the Caliph awoke and realized that she was sleeping, he took the fan from her hand and fanned her so she would feel cool. When she awoke, she saw that he had the fan and was taken aback and expressed surprise at his action. He said, “You are a human-like me, and the heat affects you just as it affects me.”

Another of the early Muslims once became severely angry with his slave and was about to punish him when the slave said, quoting a verse from the Qur’an: “[Allah has praised] those who repress their anger.” The man said: “I have repressed my anger.” The slave said: “[Allah has praised] those who pardon others.” The man said, “I have pardoned you.” The servant said, “Allah loves those who do Ihsan (excellent deeds).” Thereupon the man said, “You can go now, you are free for the sake of Allah.”

It is a sorry reflection of the state of our faith and the hardness of our hearts that in spite of regularly receiving admonitions in this regard, and even warnings of the awful retribution of neglecting these obligations, we continue unabated. Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Allah says: ‘There are three whose opponent I will be on the Day of Resurrection: a man who makes a promise in My name then breaks his word, a man who sells a free man and consumes his price, and a man who employs another and benefits from him (his labor), then does not give him his wages.’”
(Al-Bukhari)

Yet, little do we remember!

Food and dress similar to what one wears, payment of agreed-upon wages before “the sweat of his efforts dries” , not being taxed with work beyond capacity and most of all – forgiveness and leniency with their mistakes and kind treatment – are the fundamental rights of servants in Islam, enjoined upon the Muslims in numerous well-known narrations of the Prophet.

. “Food and dress are the right of the slave and he should not be assigned to the task which may be beyond his capacity.”

. “They are your brothers (the slaves and servants). Allah has placed them under your authority. So he who has a brother under him should feed him and clothe him as he himself does, and should not take from him any work that is beyond his power. If he does tell him to do such work then he should also join in it – (and help him).”

. “When your slave or servant prepares food for you and lays it for you – while he has suffered the inconvenience of heat and smoke when cooking – you should ask him to sit down and share the meal. If the food is in a small quantity (and cannot suffice) at least give him a morsel or two therefrom (at least a little).”

. Once a person came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and asked, “O Prophet of Allah! To what extent should we forgive the mistakes and faults of our slaves and servants?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) remained silent whereupon the man repeated this question. The Prophet (peace be upon him) again remained silent and when the man asked for the third time, he replied “Seventy times a day.”

. “Whoever beats a slave or servant unjustly, revenge will be taken from him on the Day of Judgment.”

When we send salutations upon the Prophet (peace be upon him), we testify that he conveyed the message, fulfilled the trust, advised the Ummah (Muslim nation) sincerely, and strove in (the religion of) Allah as much as is due.
Now, the onus is on us to follow suit.

– By Rahla KhanI

What Islam Says About Prisoners

To make the matter easier to understand and to make the rulings more clear, the scholars divided the subject matter into two parts: the rulings pertaining to the personal health of prisoners, and the rulings pertaining to health care in the place that is used as a prison.

On Health Of Prisoners
1. The jurists discussed the matter of imprisoning a person who is sick in the first place. Do the authorities have the right to imprison a sick person? The answer is that this is a matter of ijtihad (legal reasoning), and the final decision rests with the judge who must weigh up the reason why this person is to be imprisoned, the seriousness of his disease, and the possibility of taking care of him in jail. If sufficient health care is available for this sick person in prison, and he is not suffering a serious illness that could kill him if he is detained, it is permissible to imprison him. If such care is not available, the judge may hand him over to someone who can treat him and guard him, without releasing him completely, until it is possible to imprison him again.

2. If a prisoner becomes sick while in jail and it is possible to treat him there, then he must be treated without bringing him out. Doctors and servants should not be prevented from going in to see him, treat him and serve him. If lack of treatment might cause death, criminal charges are to be laid against those who were the cause of that, and they are to be punished. The Prophet (peace be upon him) passed by a prisoner who was in chains, and he called out, “O Muhammad, O Muhammad!” He came to him and said, “What is the matter?” He said, “I am hungry, feed me. I am thirsty, give me water.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) commanded that his needs should be met. (Narrated by Muslim). And no doubt medical treatment is what the sick person needs.

But if it is not possible to treat him inside the prison, he must be taken out to a place where it is possible to treat him, under the supervision of the jail personnel or whoever is delegated to the task of watching and guarding him.

With regard to these rulings, the jurists do not differentiate between physical illness and psychological illness (true psychological illness, that is, as opposed to the made-up psychological illness or the regular psychological illness which many lawyers use as a means of getting criminals to let off). Hence the jurists stated that it is not permissible to lock the door on the prisoner – so long as there is the certainty that he will not run away – or to put him in a dark room, or to harm him in any way or to do anything that will make him terrified. His relatives should not be prevented from visiting him, because this will have an effect on his health and psychology.

3. It is prescribed for the authorities or their representative to set up a special medical wing in the prison to take care of the prisoners’ health needs. This will spare them the need to take them out to public hospitals and expose them to possible insult and humiliation.

4. Prisoners should be allowed to see their spouses and to have intimate relations with them, if there is a suitable place for that in the jail, as a protection for them and their spouses.

5. The jurists stated that it is obligatory to enable prisoners to do ablution and purify themselves, which is undoubtedly an important protective precaution against sickness.

Rulings
The place that is used as a prison should be spacious, clean, well-ventilated, lit by natural sunlight, and furnished with the necessary facilities such as washrooms, etc. It is not permissible to gather such a large number of prisoners in one place that they will not be able to do ablution and pray.

Dealing With Prisoners
1. Mutilating. It is not permitted to punish a prisoner by cutting off any part of his body or breaking any of his bones. The Prophet (peace be upon him) forbade mutilation of prisoners of war and said, “Do not mutilate.” (Narrated by Muslim).

2. Hitting the face, et cetera. This is prohibited because of the humiliation involved. By the same token, it is not permitted to put chains on prisoners’ necks or to lay them on the ground to whip them, even if this is the hadd (Islamic punishment) prescribed for them because this involves humiliation and harms their health and bodies.

3. Punishment by fire, strangulation, or holding a prisoner’s head underwater. The exception is in cases of qisaas (retaliation) and where the punishment needs to fit the crime. For example, if a person has committed aggression against another by burning him, it is permissible to exact retribution against him in the same manner.

4. Starving prisoners or exposing them to cold, or feeding them harmful things, or preventing them from wearing clothes. If a prisoner dies because of such things, his jailer may be executed in retribution (qisaas) or be required to pay diyah (blood money).

5. Removing prisoners’ clothing. This is prohibited because it uncovers their awrah (private parts) and exposes them to physical and psychological illness.

6. Preventing them from relieving themselves, doing ablution, and praying. It is obvious that this is harmful to the prisoners’ health.

Examples
The Hadith mentioned above shows how the Prophet (peace be upon him) issued commands that prisoners should be cared for and their needs for food and drink met. The Prophet (peace be upon him) often used to hand prisoners over to his Companions and urge them to treat them well.

The Rightly-Guided Caliph `Ali ibn Abi Talib (Allah be pleased with him) used to inspect the prisons, meet the prisoners in them, and inquire about their circumstances.

Umar Ibn Abdul Aziz, the fifth Rightly-Guided Caliph, used to write to his employees, telling them to see how the prisoners were and to take care of the sick among them.

Caliph Al-Mu`tadid allocated 1500 dinars of the monthly budget to be spent on the needs and medical treatment of prisoners.

When the Abbasid Caliph Al-Muqtadir imprisoned one of his ministers, Ibn Muqlah, and the minister got sick the caliph sent for the famous doctor Thabit ibn Sinan ibn Thabit ibn Qurrah to treat him in jail, and he urged him to treat him well. The doctor used to feed him with his own hand and treated him very kindly.

At the time of the Caliph Al-Muqtadir, the minister Ali ibn Isa Al-Jarrah wrote to the head of the hospitals of Iraq at that time: “I have been thinking, may Allah grant you long life, about those who are in prison. With their large numbers and rough accommodation, they are not free from disease. They are prevented from doing things that will benefit them and meeting with doctors whom they can consult about the diseases they are exposed to. So you have to appoint doctors for them who will go in and see them every day and take with their medicine and drinks, and who will go around to all the jails and treat the sick in them and prescribe medicine for them.” This care lasted throughout the reign of Al-Muqtadir, Al-Qahir, Al-Radi and Al-Muttaqi.”

Woman – the Concealed Jewel

It is to you, the founder of generations, and producer of great men. I will point out in it some of what Islam requires of the individual and the society concerning the rights of women.

1) Have you seen the jewel? Why is it that the people love it while it is simply a piece of art? It is because it is not so easy to see it, nor can you touch it. Similar is the case of the woman – it is forbidden for a man to see her or touch her, in order that he does not dishonor her. She is like an untouched (pure) jewel, which is affected by the least touch.

2) Have you seen how a rose wilts, withers, and loses its luster and beauty if it is touched too much.
Likewise, the woman is not allowed to be touched except by one in a lawful relationship of marriage. And whoever attempts to touch her – unlawfully – will earn a severe punishment or death.

3) Do you know the punishment for one who violates the marriage trust and betrays his wife? The penalty is death since he has fallen short in regards to the jewel which is with him, in addition to transgressing the rights of others.

4) Have you seen a jewel searching for a person (to possess it)? The same is the case of the woman, like a precious jewel, she is the one who is sought out, not the seeker.
It is incumbent upon the man to seek her hand. And if she agrees to marry him, then he will present to her a marriage dowry and something from his wealth.

5) Allah has created the male strong of the body in order that he may go out and earn his livelihood, even in difficult circumstances. This is so that he may serve the women and children of his family.

As for the woman, she has been created gentle, soft and sensitive, so that she may cultivate the future generations. The man goes out and works with the natural elements, while the woman deals with the human beings (raising the children).

6) The woman is allowed to work in any occupation, which she is capable of, as long as it is in consonance with the nature of her delicate physique.

7) The woman – like man – is addressed in the divine revelation with responsibilities for which she – like a man – is equally rewarded.

8) The woman is excused from certain religious observances and obligations during her post-childbirth and menstrual periods since these conditions are a cause of weakness and hence, she is in need of rest and relaxation.

9) The person who is killed while defending his mother, wife, daughter, or sister will be rewarded with the highest station in Paradise.

10) It is permissible for a woman to seek a separation from her husband if he fails to fulfill her marital rights.

11) It is permissible for the woman to remarry – whomever she desires – if he is divorced from her husband or widowed.

12) If a woman possesses wealth, she is free to use it in any lawful way, without permission of anyone (father, husband, or others.)

13) The woman has the right to the inheritance of her relatives – at the time of his death – even if he does not desire that she receive it.

14) It is obligatory upon the man to spend his wealth for the maintenance – housing, food, etc. – of those under his care including his mother, wife, or daughter, even if he doesn’t desire to do so.

15) The mother has been given preference over the father – three times over – concerning their right to kindness and benevolence from their children.

16) Whoever has daughters and treats them well – they will be a cause of him being screened from the Hellfire.

17) The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) advised concerning the woman: Treat the women well. He also said: The best of you are those who are the best in the treatment of their wives.
He also said: No one honors the woman except an honorable man. And no one humiliates her or holds her in contempt except one who is evil, vile, wicked, and depraved.

Obedience And Manners In Dealing With Parents

Allah (SWT) says: ‘Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to your parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age, say not to them a word of contempt or repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say: ‘My Lord, have mercy on them for they cherished me in childhood.’ (Bani-Israel, v23-24)

In the above ayat, Allah (SWT) gives the order of dealing with parents in an honourable and respectful manner, treating them with love and obeying them. Imam Qurtubi (rah) relates, ‘In this ayat Allah (SWT) mentions the importance of treating the parents in a respectful and honourable manner in conjunction with the worship of Allah (SWT) Himself. Just as in Surah Luqman, Allah (SWT) mentions thanks due to Him with that also of the parents, gratitude should be shown to both. It is proven from this that after the worship and obedience of Allah (SWT), obedience to one’s parents is most lofty in rank, as is the same with gratitude and showing thanks. The following hadith of Sahih Bukhari bears witness to this:

• One Sahaba(RA) asked, ‘Which is the most loved action by Allah (SWT)? Rasulullah (saw) said, ‘To pray Salaat in the specified time.’ It was then asked, ‘Which is most loved after that?’ Rasulullah (saw) said: ‘To have good dealings with your parents.’ (Tafsiri Qurtubi)

The Status of Obeying & Assisting The Parents
• Hazrat Abu Darda (RA) said, ‘Rasulullah (saw) related that, ‘The Father is the middle door of Jannah, now you know if you wish, take care of it or destroy it.’ (Musnad Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

• Hazrat Abu Umamah (RA) relates that a man asked Rasulullah (saw), ‘What are the rights of the parents over their children?’ Rasulullah (saw) said, ‘They both are either your Jannah or Jahanam!’ (Ibn Majah)

Meaning, the obedience and serving the parents is such a deed that it will enter one into Jannah and their disobedience and displeasure will take a person to Jahanam.

• It is related from Ibn Abbas (RA), ‘Rasulullah (saw) related, ‘The children who look at their parents with mercy and love, then on every look, they are rewarded the same reward as a Hajj Mabrur (accepted Hajj).’ The people asked, ‘If they look 100 times in this manner during the day?’ Rasulullah (saw) said, ‘Yes!, with every look the reward will continue to be the same, Allah is the greatest!’ (there is no reduction in his treasures even after all this). (Baihaqi)

The Punishment of Treating Parents Badly Is Also Received In The Dunya
• Hazrat Abi Bakr (RA) relates, ‘Rasulullah (saw) said: ‘The punishment of all sins can be excused by Allah (SWT) until the Day of Qiyamah, apart from the disobedience shown to parents. The Punishment of this is received in the Dunya even before the punishment of the Akhirah!’ (Baihaqi, Tafsiri Muzhari)

The honourable treating of parents who have attained old age is encouraged more so through the above ayat of the Quran. There is no defined emphasis on the different treatment of parents according to age and time, however, in old age more care has to be taken where the parents are more in need of assistance, for example:
1. In old age, the smallest amount of disagreement with parents will affect them greatly and hurt them emotionally.
2. In old age, due to deteriorated health, they are more fragile.
3. In old age, understanding and logic are affected, so what they desire may not always be possible for children to carry out. For this reason, Allah(SWT) reminds us, ‘When you were young, how they treated you, cared for you, did everything you desired, accepting your condition and understanding it. Thus you also treat them in that way. Now your parents have become your responsibility, what they did for you, you repay in your treatment of them.’ Again we recount the Ayat … ‘And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say:
‘My Lord, have mercy on them for they cherished me in childhood.’

Masaa’il
If the parents are Muslims, then the du’aa for mercy for them is applicable. However, if they are not Muslims, the above-mentioned du’aa should be made with the intention that Allah (SWT) save them from the difficulties of this Dunya and guide them to Islam. After their death, a prayer of mercy is not permissible. (Tafsiri Qurtubi)

In Which Conditions is The Obedience of Parents Wajib (compulsory)?
In this matter, all the Ulama and Fuqaha are unanimous that the obedience of parents is only permissible in halal matters. The obedience of parents in non-permissible and haram acts is not wajib, it is not even permissible, it should not be done on their instruction. Rasulullah (saw) said, ‘In the disobedience of Allah (SWT) the obedience of any creation is not permissible.’ (Bukhari) In permissible things, the parents, even if they are non-muslims, will have to be obeyed.

May Allah(SWT) give all the Muslims the guidance to assist our parents in the correct way to earn his pleasure. Aameen.

Mufti Yusuf Danka

Violence Against Spouses Forbidden In Islam

[Quran 4:34] “Men are responsible for the welfare of women since God has given some (of you) more wherewithal than others, and because they must spend of their wealth (to maintain the family). Therefore pious and devout women safeguard the private matters that God would have them safeguard. As for those (women) from whom you fear aggressive defiance, caution them (to piety). (If they remain unmoved by your words), then leave them alone in their beds, and finally (if they continue in their aggressive defiance), then separate from them. However, if they accede to you (by abandoning their aggressively defiant behaviour), then you have no (legitimate) grounds to act against them (any further), and God is full of knowledge and
greatness.”

The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) has commanded:

[Sunan Abudawud, Book #11, Hadith #2138] “Narrated Mu’awiyah ibn Haydah: I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her.”

[Sunan Abudawud, Book #12, Hadith #2220] “Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu’minin: Habibah daughter of Sahl was the wife of Thabit ibn Qays Shimmas He beat her and broke some of her part. So she came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) after morning, and complained to him against her husband. The Prophet (peace be upon him) called on Thabit ibn Qays and said (to him): Take a part of her property and separate yourself from her. He asked: Is that right, Apostle of Allah? He said: Yes. He said: I have given her two gardens of mine as a dower, and they are already in her possession. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Take them and separate yourself from her.”

Do You Hate Someone

Do you hate someone? Do you really hate someone? You haven’t spoken to him for a while? You’ve been blaming him?

You’re not the only one; the Muslim Ummah today is diseased with this to the extent that almost every Muslim knows another Muslim who he hates.

The Ummah is like a building with the Muslims as it’s bricks, brotherhood is the cement. Without forgiveness you cannot have brotherhood.

OK then, he wronged you. He deceived you. He backbited you. He lied to you. But even in these extreme situations the Qur’an and the Hadith teach us that we have to forgive others (especially those who hurt us the most) if we wish to earn the forgiveness of Allah on the day of judgment.

We have all committed many sins, made many mistakes and no doubt we have wronged others, we have deceived others, we have backbited others and no doubt we have lied to others.

So what makes us focus onto brothers’ and sisters’ errors while we remain unconscious of our own. Not to forgive is like to live in arrogance, and ignorance of our own shortcomings.

Forgiveness is linked with piety and God-consciousness, is there anybody who is not without sin? Is there anybody who can be arrogant enough to say that he does not need to forgive?

Do we not know that Allah forgives those who forgive others? Therefore, we should realize the difficulties of others and forgive them. Allah says in the Qur’an:

“Be quick in the forgiveness from your Lord, and pardon (all) men – for Allah loves those who do good.”
[Surah ali Imran; 3:133-134]

And we know that Allah Himself is Ar-Rahmaan (the Most Compassionate) and Ar-Raheem (the Most Merciful) and that His Mercy is infinite, and that no matter the sin (except shirk)

Allah is always willing to answer the person’s call for forgiveness. In fact Allah loves the tear drop that falls from the eye of one who sincerely seeks the forgiveness of his Lord.

And Allah loves us to have hearts that are ready to forgive.

The Prophet (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) once asked his companions;
“Do you know what will cause you to have high walled palaces in Paradise (as a symbol of great reward) and will cause you to be raised by God?”

When they replied in the negative, he said,
“To be forgiving and to control yourself in the face of provocation, to give justice to the person who was unfair and unjust to you, to give to someone even though he did not give to you when you were in need and to keep connection with someone who may not have reciprocated your concern.”

Similarly the Prophet (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said that:
“the best of people are those who are slow to get angry and quick to forgive. On the other hand the worst of people are those, he said who get angry quickly but are slow to forgive”.

The characteristic that makes a person most likely to forgive is the purity of his or her heart. Apologies must be accepted,

The Prophet (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said that:

“Whoever apologises to his brother and that apology is not accepted, then the person who refuses to accept the apology bears the sin of one who takes the property of another unjustly.”

And the Prophet (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) also said that:

“The doors of the Garden are open on Monday and Thursday. Every Muslim slave who does not associate anything with Allah is forgiven except for the man who has enmity between him and his brother.

It is said, ‘Leave those two until they have made a reconciliation. Leave those two until they have made a reconciliation” .

If we look at the example and the character of the Prophet (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) we can see that he was always forgiving and never showed enmity to anyone except those who waged war against him.

This is the example of the man whom we claim to follow. Thumamah, as the chief of his tribe had killed many Muslims. On his travels, he was caught by the Muslim soldiers and was taken to the Prophet’s masjid and tied to one of the pillars.

The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) commanded his companions to untie him and give him the best food. The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was indeed a mercy for the worlds.

We should similarly be merciful with each other. First of all, we ourselves should not do anything to upset our brothers and sisters (because this is in itself a part of mercy) and then we should forgive those who have upset us or made us angry. We will never be a strong ummah if we are not able to forgive.

Some might say that to forgive is a sign of weakness and humiliation, and for them it is better to be strong and preserve their honor. But honor in the eyes of Allah lies in forgiveness.

“But indeed if any shows patience and forgives that would truly be an exercise of courageous will and resolution in the conduct of affairs.”
[surah 42:43]

If we are to be really strong then we have to be strong against Shaytaan and forgive our brothers and sisters, and in this way maybe Allah will decide insha Allah to forgive ourselves for our many mistakes.

Advice To Mothers-in-Law

  1. Bear in mind that your daughter-in-law is a human being with aspirations and feelings. She has made a great sacrifice to come and serve your son for the rest of her life. Treat her like your own daughter. Remember when you were a daughter-in-law. As you desired to be treated, treat her. Remove the jealousy which generally comes into the heart that someone new has come and taken over my son whom I brought up with great pain.
  2. Give gifts to her. This will create love between you’ll.
  3. Do not demand control of your son’s money. It is for him to use in an appropriate manner.
  4. Never compare one’s daughter-in-law with another, or with your daughters. Every person is different and has different abilities. Look at the good in everyone.
  5. Overlook faults and errors. Your daughter-in-law is still naive. In all likelihood, you made the same errors when you were young.
  6. If she lives with you, do not expect her to do everything in the house. However, if the kitchen is one, then some ‘ulema, have stated that it will be better if the mother-in-law hands it over completely to her daughter-in-law, if she is happy to accept this responsibility. If not, then rather have turns in the kitchen, because generally problems start in the kitchen. Everyone’s ways and methods are different.
  7. Think before you speak. What you say to your daughter, you cannot say to your daughter-in-law, since your daughter has natural love for you whereas your daughter-inlaw’s love for you will have to be slowly cultivated. Even if she errs, be careful as to how you correct her. Sometimes, even a wrong word, however innocent it may be, can cause problems. It is a delicate situation.
  8. Never discuss your one daughter-in-law with the other or discuss them with even your own sisters, daughters or best friends. If a secret cannot stay in your mouth, how do you expect it to remain in someone else’s? Discussing with others is just looking for problems. If you have a problem, speak directly to the one concerned.
  9. Learn from your mistakes. If you have once said something that created a problem, make sure you never repeat it.
  10. Be simple. No one is perfect. Do not be unnecessarily fussy about things that are not really a life-or-death situation.
  11. Be generous in praising their cooking, baking, etc. even though it is not up-to your standards.
  12. Never drag your daughter-in-law into any disagreement between yourself and your son. If you are upset with your son for any reason, there is no need to pass the message via your daughter-in-law or get upset with her. Speak directly to your son.

By Moulana Abdul Hameed Ishaq, Azaadville