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10 Tips to be a successful Husband

1. Dress up well for one’s wife:
Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good.When was the last time us men looked good to please our wives.Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasullullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) – would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use likeable names for your wife:
Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved.Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

3. Recognize the good & focus on that:
Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day – which brings no attention from the husband – until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

4. Be silent on the wrongs:
If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasullullah( sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) – used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives – radi Allahu ‘anhum. It’s a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

5. Smile at your wife:
Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasullullah( sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam)- would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

6. Thank her:
Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!

7. Make her happy:
Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your Life.

8. Comfort her:
Don’t be-little her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasullullah( sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah – radi Allahu ‘anha – was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

9. Be humorous:
Be humorous and Play games with your wife. Look at how Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – would race his wife Aisha -radi Allahu ‘anha – in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

10. Try to be the Best:
Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam: “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best!

In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah – azza wa jall – to make your marriage successful.

And Allah ta’ala knows best !!

The Story Of Alqamah

At the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), there was a young man named Alqamah. He was very diligent in obeying Allah by engaging in prayer and fasting and spending in charity.

Then he fell ill and his illness became serious.

His wife went to the Prophet and said, “My husband, Alqamah, is on his deathbed. I therefore came to tell you, Messenger of Allah, about his condition.”

The Prophet (then) sent for Ammar or Suhaib and Bilal, and told them to go to him (Alqamah) and have him repeat the Shahadah. Thereupon they went to him and found him in the agony of death.

They asked him to say, “La illaha illa Allah,” but his tongue was unable to pronounce it.

At that, they came and told the Messenger of Allah that he was unable to repeat the Shahadah.

The Prophet asked, “Is either of his parents alive?”
He was told, “Messenger of Allah, his mother is, but she is very old.”

The Prophet sent her a message that if it was convenient for her (that is, is she was able to go out), she should come to him; otherwise she should stay in her house and the Prophet would come to her.

The Prophets messenger came to her and informed her of the Prophets message.

She said, “May my life be a ransom for him, it is my pleasure to go to him!”
She then stood up, leaning on her walking stick, and came to the Prophet and greeted him.

Social Behavior

The Shari’ah has placed restrictions on men meeting strange women privately. Similarly no man other than her husband is allowed to touch any part of a woman’s body. The following traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) are worth noting in this connection:

“Beware that you do not call on women who are alone,” said the Messenger of Allah. One of the Companions asked, “O Messenger of Allah, what about the younger or the elder brother of the husband?” The Prophet replied, “He is death.” (Tirmidhi, Bukhari and Muslim)

“Do not call on women in the absence of their husbands, because Satan might be circulating in any of you like blood.” (Tirmidhi).

According to ‘Amr ibn al-‘As, the Prophet forbade men to call on women without the permission of their husbands. (Tirmidhi)

“From this day no man is allowed to call on a woman in the absence of her husband unless he is accompanied by one or two other men.” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet said, “The one who touches the hand of a woman without having a lawful relationship with her, will have an ember placed on his palm on the Day of Judgment.” (Takmalah, Fath alQadir)

‘A’ishah says that the Prophet accepted the oath of allegiance from women only verbally, without taking their hands into his own hand. He never touched the hand of a woman who was not married to him (Bukhari).

Umaimah, daughter of Ruqaiqah, said that she went to the Prophet in the company of some other women to take the oath of allegiance. He made them promise that they would abstain from idolatry, stealing, adultery, slander, and disobedience to the Prophet. When they had taken the oath, they requested that he take their hands as a mark of allegiance. The Prophet said, “I do not take the hands of women. Verbal affirmation is enough.” (Nasa’i and Ibn Majah).

Prophet Muhammad: The Ideal Husband

The family in general and the wife in particular is a precious trust and great responsibility that a Muslim must shoulder and never neglect. In this matter, just like in all others, the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), is an example for all husbands in the way he treated and nurtured his wives.
The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), encouraged people to nurture their families; he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), said: “Allah will ask every person about those under his guardianship. (He will ask) whether he protected and preserved them, or squandered them; (this is) the extent to which He will ask man about his family members.”

What did the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), do with regard to nurturing his wives? How did he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ),, educate them, enjoin them to do good and forbid them from doing evil? What was his manner and method in talking to them and being kind to them? These questions are answered below.

· The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would teach his wives matters pertaining to faith:The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would teach his wives matters related to faith and creed and expound to them the oneness of Allah The Almighty and His greatness. He, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would explain the Names and Attributes of Allah to them, as well as matters related to the Hereafter. Once he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), was talking to ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her about accountability in the Hereafter and said: “He who is questioned will be punished.” `Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her then asked, “Does Allah not say (what means): {Then as for he who is given his record in his right hand. He will be judged with an easy account}[Quran 84: 7-8]He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ) clarified and this, saying:“This does not mean holding people to account. Rather, it refers to merely presenting to them their records, but the one who will be questioned will certainly be punished.”

· The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ), would teach his wives supplications and the mention of Allah The Almighty:The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), also taught his wives designated mentions of Allah The Almighty, such as how to seek refuge in Allah The Almighty from evil, etc. Once, he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), saw the moon and said to ‘Aa’ishah may Allah be pleased with her: “O ‘Aa’ishah! Seek refuge in Allah from the evil of this, as it is (what is referred to by) ‘The evil of darkness when it settles.’ (referring to Quran: 113: 3]).”He, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), was pointing to the moon, as it is an indicator of the approach of evening, during which many evils can take place.

· The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would teach his wives to fear Allah The Almighty:The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would run back and forth, in and out of his house, whenever he felt the wind and saw the clouds forming, and signs of disturbance would appear on his face. Once ‘Aa’ishah may Allah be pleased with her said to him when he did so, “People rejoice upon seeing the wind (and clouds) while I see you do what you do (i.e., become disturbed).” He, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ),responded: “O ‘Aa’ishah! What assurance do I have that it will not be one of punishment? Allah has punished earlier nations with the wind; when these people felt the wind (and saw) the clouds approaching, they said, ‘This is a cloud bringing us rain!’”Thus, a Muslim must always fear Allah The Almighty and His punishment.

· The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would make his wives accustomed to worship:The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would train his wives to wake up at night to perform the voluntary night prayers, by waking them up himself. Moreover, his teaching was not limited to prayer, as he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), instructed ‘Aa’ishah may Allah be pleased with her to spend in charity, saying: “Do not hoard, otherwise, Allah will withhold from you.”[Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] He, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), thereby taught her not to restrict her spending in charity and to be extremely generous. This shows how keen he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ), was to instruct his wives in recommended matters and not just regarding mandatory matters or prohibitions.

Pleased With Allah’s Decree

When there is just one son, parents have to make him live with them; when there are several, it’s easier, as some of them can go abroad. After all, parents should not be left all alone. That is why one should have many children,’ says a mother-of-five empathetically. I remain silent, not agreeing with her simply because not everyone is blessed with children.

My mind shifts some childless couples and unmarried people I know. If Allah has kept them barren, what should their outlook be on life during old age? Should they constantly be complaining to Allah for the fate decreed on them, or should they accept their fate and be content with it, achieving peace of mind?

Almost anyone and everyone can choose to be ungrateful. A short person may wistfully look at taller people and lament on his or her natural stature; a pauper sitting on the curb may stare enviously at the glamorous cars passing by; a blind person can very well gripe about not being able to see; and of course how slightly dark-skinned people wish they had fairer skin.

If one were to cave in to negative thinking, ungratefulness and wistfulness for the blessings one has supposedly missed out on in life, he or she would be losing on something greater: the blessings they have been granted by Allah! Life’s just too short to lose the good moments wishing for what was not meant to be yours in the first place.

The tendency to be ungrateful and negative in thinking is admittedly more common in women; this is a fact that has been mentioned in several Ahadith:

“…they are ungrateful to their husbands and ungrateful for good treatment.” (Al-Bukhari)

Wake-Up Call For Parents

Out of all the hi-fi, over–hyped, glamorized, overpaid and stereotyped careers that make news today, peppered with extensive media attention such as red carpet awards, talk shows, exclusive interviews and photo shoots, the single most important and pivotal occupation a person – especially a woman – can have, is that of being a parent.

It is this behind–the–scenes, get–down–and–dirty, round–the–clock job that very few people can do well, and majority of those who do, receive little credit for that. Parenting is the most exhausting, fulfilling, demanding and satisfying role, responsibility and full–time job anyone can ever have. Whoever has become a parent would testify to its heady highs and, sadly, sometimes mortifying lows. The moment one sets eyes and holds in one’s arms a new life – a gift from Allah that is sent so miraculously, after months of waiting and anticipation – one changes forever. The joy one feels has no bounds. This new ‘baby’ life gives rise to new adjustments in all existing relationships, which change in order to accommodate the new arrival. As many people will tell you, they also change once they have a baby.

However, after a few years pass, there are some typical statements that parents of any age can be heard making: “Kids nowadays are so ungrateful…,” “In our time, we were much more disciplined and obedient…,” “We never shouted at our parents the way kids answer us back nowadays….,” and so on. I have hardly come across a parent who openly admits to having made a parenting mistake, e.g. saying something like, “Had I not been lax about my daily prayers when my children were young, perhaps they too, would be more regular in their prayers today,” or “I should not have scolded my daughter in front of her friends. I think she deserves an apology.”

The Islamic Wife In The Light Of Holy Qur’an And Ahadees

The Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, “A thankful tongue, a soft-hearted wife is a friend of yours in religion.” These are the qualities that Islam desires in a woman who shall nurture the future generations of mankind towards an Islamic society.

Sociologists all over the world are laying more and more stress on the importance of family life, as opposed to what goes on in the West, where 5 out of 10 marriages end in divorce, where 60% of divorced women are prone to suicide, and almost every separated family has a history of a delinquent child.

As a maintainer of woman, the man has been deemed responsible for managing the day-to-day affairs outside the house, striving to earn, a livelihood. Woman has been given complete charge of the house, responsible for rearing the children and managing the home. This division of management is not in any way derogatory to the honor of woman; she is not the man’s slave, but his equal. In all its wisdom, Islam has allotted different sets of duties to men and women because of their different physical and mental attributes. Man is physically better suited to rough it out in the harsh world, and, due to her physical and emotional make up, woman is more suitable to manage the house.

A woman is more self-sufficient in household affairs and better shoulders the responsibility of rearing the children. This arrangement guarantees the continuation and the formation of a society complementing religion. This is a great trial and test for man and woman. Very rarely do we find a family like that of Imam Ali (A.S.), which contains a Fatima Zahra (S.A.), Hassan (A.S.), Hussain (A.S.), Zainab (S.A.) and Kulsum (S.A.).

The Holy Qur’an states: “They (wives) are an apparel for you, and you are an apparel for them.” (2:187)

What the Qur’an is stating is clear – besides covering the body, apparel protects the body from the vagaries of nature, enhancing one’s personal beauty. Man and wife should complement each other, and as Imam Ali (A.S.) has said, “Like a dress, a worthy wife will conceal one’s fault.”

How To Hold Dialogue With The Other?

Islam is the religion of mercy, tolerance and forgiveness and many other human values. One of the values that Islam has given due attention to is dialogue. Here, I will try to shed some light on dialogue as a noble value in Islam.

Islam sees that dialogue is the golden means to know the other as Allah, praise be to Him, created people of different cultures, natures, languages and faiths and this is stated in the Holy Qur’an, “O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other (not that you may despise (each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you.” (Qur’an, 49:13)

But dialogue with the other requires patience, flexibility and open-mindedness which were clearly revealed in Prophet Muhammad’s dialogue with others even if they were idolaters and this is why Allah praises him, “It is part of the Mercy of Allah that you deal gently with them. Were you severe or harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you: so pass over (their faults), and ask for (Allah’s) forgiveness for them; and consult them in affairs (of moment). Then, when you have taken a decision put your trust in Allah; for Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).” (Qur’an, 3:159)

Good listening is one of the principles of dialogue in Islam. It was never reported that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) did not listen well to anyone. In other words, he was always an attentive listener: he was never reported to interrupt anybody even if the speaker was one of his enemies and he used to say “Have you finished, brother?” This was his way of respecting other people’s rights to express themselves.

Even if this dialogue involves an argument or debate, the Holy Qur’an advises Muslims to do that in a civilized way, “Invite (all) to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for your Lord knows best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance.” (Qur’an, 16:125)

The above verse emphasizes that dialogue with the other requires wisdom and common sense, which are basic requirements to convey the teachings and message of Allah. It can be said that Islam stresses that dialogue is the way to communicate with the other.

By: Dr. Khaled Tawfik

Parent’s Duties Toward Children

Islam teaches that parents should consider children as a bounty of Allah and not as a burden due to financial hardships, physical illnesses or any other reason. It says that parents should celebrate the birth of a child, be it a girl or a boy, with expression of joy and exchange of greetings, and welcome it with thanks to Allah and prayers for His Grace and Blessings.

Allah says in the Holy Qur’an: “And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin.” (17: 31)

Islam has laid down certain duties on parents vis-a-vis children, which begin with their birth and end with their marriage. It has also made the father responsible for the provision of food, clothing and shelter of his children and their mother.

The first thing that a father is supposed to do after the birth of a child is to say Adhaan and Iqamah (calls to prayer) into the ears of the newborn. According to a Tradition, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said the Adhaan in one ear and Iqamah in the other ear of his grandson Husain.

The primary claim of a child on his parents is that his ears, and through his ears, his head and heart are made acquainted with the name of Almighty Allah and His Oneness and with the Call of Faith and Prayer. As the child begins to receive the impression of what it sees or hears from the time of its birth, this practice imparts the knowledge of spirit and the fundamental practices of Islam in a most effective manner. The Noble Prophet (peace be upon him) said that on account of this practice, the child also remains safe from epilepsy.

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