[ALLAH’S Quran – 27:62] “Who responds to the oppressed when he calls out to Him, and relieves his suffering and who will make you inheritors of the earth? Then, is there a god besides God? How little you pay heed!”
The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) has said:
[Bukhari, Book #43, Hadith #628] “Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet sent Mu’adh to Yemen and said, “Be afraid, from the curse of the oppressed as there is no screen between his invocation and Allah.”
[Muslim, Book #001, Hadith #0027] “It is reported on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbas that Mu’adh said: The Messenger of Allah sent me (as a governor of Yemen) and (at the time of departure) instructed me thus:……………………………..Beware of the supplication of the oppressed for there is no barrier between him and Allah.”
Your riches and your children may be but a trial, but in the Presence of Allah is the highest reward. (Quran 64:15)
What does it mean for a Muslim woman to have a daughter? What does it mean to have a Muslim mother? What duties do they have toward one another?
What does Islam say about the special relationship between mothers and daughters who are Believers?
In Islam, the female child is a gift to her mother because she has certain duties toward her. Likewise the mother has certain responsibilities to her daughter that can make treasure her mother. Let’s examine some of these points.
- Always remember what your parents, especially your mother, did for you all your life.
- Recognize the wisdom of age and experience, and even when you disagree, be respectful and humble to her.
- You must NOT obey your mother if she tells you to disobey Allah SWT or to break any of his commands.
- Use the art of negotiation – Use honey instead of vinegar. For example: “Mom, I cleaned my room and folded the clothes would you mind taking me to the mall?” Do something to please your mom and then make a polite request.
- Though we don’t like to think about it, daughters must be prepared to take care of their mothers when they become feeble and from old age just as their mothers cared for them when they were infants. Sons may offer financial support, but they are not likely to deal with the bed pans, the bathing, and the dressing. These will be the daughter’s duties.
- After she returns to Allah (SWT), if she did not have a chance to, you can make Hajj for her, pay zakat and sadaqah in her behalf, make up her fasts, and pray for her soul. Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abas : “A woman made a voyage and vowed that she would fast one month if Allah made her reach her destination with peace and security. Allah made her reach her destination with security but she died before she could fast. He daughter or sister (narrator was not sure) came to Rasulullah (SAAWS) and he commanded her to fast on her behalf .(Sunnan Abu-Dawood).”
Mothers Treatment Of Daughters
- Assume good intentions of your daughter. Try to excuse temporary thoughtlessness. Hadith advise us to make 70 excuses for the harm others do to us, and then blame ourselves for perhaps misunderstanding.
- Remember the big picture. Despite the small problems or disagreements, your daughter is basically good. Consider the fact that in the U.S. many girls who are her peers (both Muslim and non-Muslim) are sexually promiscuous, abusing drugs and alcohol, involved in criminal, gangrelated activities, getting pregnant, or being arrested. Ma Sha’Allah, if you look at the big picture, you will see that your daughter is really admirable.
- Learn how to discuss with her so that her challenges will not upset you. Learn to listen with your heart and stop interrupting her with khutbahs! She must feel free to talk to you at anytime about whatever may be troubling her. She must not feel that you will condemn her or that your love for her will be diminished if you find out that she is less than perfect and has made some mistakes. If you cannot be there for her, she will have to confide in negative peers who will mislead her.
- Search for solutions. Look for ways to make a compromise instead of insisting that she is completely wrong. Look for halal alternatives rather than simply saying that everything she wants to do is haram. For example, if she wants to go swimming at the beach, don’t just tell her “No, that’s haram!” You can instead help her arrange a swimming party for Muslim girls and women at an enclosed pool with female lifeguards, where everyone will dress modestly and share in the expense of renting the pool.
- Remember to cherish her. She is going to get married and move away before you know it. Do you really want to spend these few years you have together in your home arguing and embroiled in tension? If you expect her to someday want to bring your grandchildren to visit you, then you need to let her see how loving you really are, not how harsh. You are her ally more than her father because you are her only parent who can share with her an understanding of what it is to be a woman — from training bras to cramps, to butterflies in her stomach on her wedding day. Only you will fully understand and offer her a mothers unconditional love.
- Muslim women are expected to sacrifice for their daughters two hundred percent. When she is older, society, because of its sexism is going to give your daughter so many difficulties, and even, her husband may sometimes break her heart. She needs to be able to rely on you.It is narrated by the Prophet’s wife, ‘A’isha (RAA), that a woman entered her house with two of her daughters. She asked for charity but ‘A’isha could not find anything but a date, which she gave to her. The woman divided it between her two daughters and did not eat any herself. Then she got up and left. When the Prophet (SAAWS) came to the house, ‘A’isha told him about what had happened and he declared that when the woman will be brought to account (on the Day of Judgment) about her two daughters they will act as a screen for her from the fires of Hell.
Things You Must Never Say To Your Daughter
- “If you do that again, I’m going to kill you!” “I’m going to break your neck!” Don’t threaten physical harm. Threats only cause fear if you carry them out, and reduce your credibility if you do not.
- “Why can’t you be more like him/her?” Never compare your child to anyone else. She is Allah’s unique creation.
- “I told you so. You Should have listened to me.” Don’t rub salt in a wound. She’s already aware that she was wrong.
- “You are perfect!” “That’s the most beautiful artwork I’ve ever seen! You are the most beautiful girl in the world!” Praise breed arrogance and boastfulness. Instead, recognize her accomplishments but give credit to Allah who created her and gave her talents and abilities, by saying “Ma Sha’Allah”, and “Alhamdulillah.”
- “I heard that you did something bad, so I know you did it. You always cause trouble.” Don’t believe rumors. Always give your child a chance to explain her side. Suratul Hujurat tells us to ascertain the truth of any rumor coming to us.
- “You make me sick.” “I wish you were never born!” Suratul Hujurat says avoid sarcasm, suspicion, name-calling.
- “Oh!, you don’t mean that.” “it could always be worse.” “Hey, it’s really no big deal; why are you getting so upset?.” If something is upsetting your daughter, offer comfort, but do never try to make it seem insignificant. Her feelings are valid, and her emotional pain is real for her. Let her vent; then help her discover the lessons and solutions.
EVERY child is born on Fitrah (man’s innate disposition to Monotheism), his parents make him Jewish, Christian or a fire worshiper.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim ) Allah Almighty has entrusted parents with their children. Parents bear the responsibility to raise up their children in the Islamic way. If they do that they will be blessed in this life and in the Hereafter, and if they don’t, they will get bad result during their life and in the Hereafter.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said : “All of you are guardians and all of you are responsible for things under your guardianship; the ruler is a guardian (managing his state‚s affairs) and he is responsible for things under his care, the man is a guardian over his family and responsible for them, the woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and she is responsible for it. All of you are guardians and responsible for things under your control.” (Al-Bukhari & Muslim)
The Prophet (peace be upon him), did not excuse anyone from responsibility that Allah has put on every individual to build the Islamic society: the ruler is responsible: the man and woman are responsible…. all within their capabilities, domains, and authorities… and the loss of Islam from our Muslim Ummah these days is nothing but a result of the neglect of responsibility.
Men and women, fathers and mothers share the responsibility to raise up, educate, and build the new generation in the correct method and the right way.
Man has in him the good and bad tendencies, so parents must encourage and grow the good tendencies in the child so he can become a useful person that helps himself and his people. Referring to this, Allah Almighty says: “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones . . .” (At-Tahrim, 66:6)
The protection of yourself and your family from Hell-Fire won’t be with anything but good education, the observance of good morals, and the guidance to nobility.
Islam does not distinguish between male and female with regard to the education requirements. The Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: “Whoever has a daughter, tutors her on good morals, educates her well and feeds her properly; she will be a protection for him from Hell-Fire.”
What do we mean by good education? The good education means the physical, mental and moral preparation of the child so he can become a good individual in the good society.
Methods for moral upbringing
1- Showing the values of good deeds and their effects on the individuals and society; also showing the effects of bad deeds, all within the child’s capability of understanding.
2- Parents should be a good example in their behavior because children like to imitate their parents in their sayings and their deeds.
3- Teaching the child the religious principles and tutoring him in matters of worship, taking into account the child’s capability of understanding. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “Order your children to pray at the age of seven.”
4- Treating children nicely and kindly. The Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us that practically. When he was leading the prayer, his grandson Al-Hasan, son of his daughter Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with them, rode on his back while he was bowing. The Prophet (peace be upon him), lengthened his bow. When he finished his prayer, some attending Companions said, “You lengthened your bow?” Then the Prophet (peace be upon him), answered, “My grandson rode on my back and I hate putting him down quickly.”
5- One of the important things that parents must teach their children is to choose the good company and to avoid the bad one, because children are always influenced by the company they keep. The bad behavior can be easily transmitted through bad company. So the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, warned us by saying, “Man is inclined to get influenced by his friend’s manners, so one must be careful in choosing friends.” (Abu Dawud & At-Tirmidhi)
6- Encouraging the child’s sense of belonging to the Muslim Ummah, by teaching him about the brotherhood among Muslims, teaching him to care for Muslims in any land, and that he is part of the Muslim body, to feel joy when Muslims are joyous, to feel sad over Muslims’ sadness, and to do best to achieve the Muslim Ummah’s goals.
All of this can be done practically through:
A- Taking children to Mosques and introducing them to their brothers in Islam regardless of race, language, or origin.
B- Teaching the children the life history of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and his Companions and the history of Islam, bearing in mind the child’s capability of understanding.
C- Encouraging children to sympathize with Muslim problems and to contribute to the solutions such as the poverty problem and to donate some money to the hungry Muslim children.
D- Taking part in the celebrations and festivals with Muslims, and joining in picnics and developing ties with their Muslim brothers of the same age.
7- Teaching children the love of Allah, His Prophet (peace be upon him), Muslims, and all people. This love will lead to special behavior towards all those loved people.
These are general guidelines to raise our children Islamically, so every Muslim must take care of his children and know the correct path that must be followed. This will help us do the job we are entrusted to do as Allah prescribed, as well as the responsibility the Prophet (peace be upon him), has clarified, with aim of protecting the future generations of Muslims.
Islam is a complete way of life. It considers the family the cornerstone of Islamic society. It bases the atmosphere in the family on sacrifice, love, loyalty, and obedience. When we say “family” we mean the traditional definition of it, namely husband, wife and children. Grandparents are also part of the extended Muslim family.
It may be asked here: how does Islam organize family relationships? To answer this, we have to concentrate on husband-wife relationship and parent-children relationship.
As for husband wife relationship the following verse portrays the right Islamic atmosphere:
“And among His Signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves, that you may find rest in them, and He ordained between you affection and mercy.” (Qur-an, 30-21)
If we contemplate the Noble Qur-an, we find that it refers to parents-child relationships in four main places. Before it asks children to be good and loyal to their parents, it requires parents to be extremely careful in upbringing their children. In other words it asks parents to do their duty before asking for their rights.
These are the two main chapters of the Noble Qur-an that decide and clearly depict the Islamic relationship between parents and children. It is a relationship based, as we see, on belief in Allah, and feeling that He observes all that we do and that we are accountable to Him even in the bad breath that we may release against our parents when we are angry. Even this has to be controlled.
Let us remember, however, that it is only parents who do their duty, who deserve this honorable treatment of their children. That is why when a parent came to the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) and complained to him about the ingratitude of his son, the son said: He was ungrateful to me oh Messenger of Allah, before I showed ingratitude to him. So the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) did not blame the son but disliked the attitude of his parent. This is a message to all parents.
The third place in the Noble Qur-an that refers to parents child relationship is in chapter 46 called Al Ahqaf where Allah says:
“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind toward his parents. His mother bears him with hardship and delivers him with hardship. His bearing and weaning are thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: ‘My Lord! Arouse me that I may give thanks for the favor where with you have favored my parents, and I may do right acceptable unto you. I have turned unto you repentant and Lo! I am one of the Muslims.”
Concerning this type of child the Noble Qur-an has the following comment: “Those are they from whom We accept the best of what they do, and We overlook their evil deeds among the dwellers of Paradise – a promise of truth, which they have been promised (in the world).”
The Noble Qur-an then turns to the other category of or children who are disbelievers and are, as a result, ungrateful to their parents. It declares:
“As for him who said to his parents: Fie upon you both! Do you threaten me that I shall be brought forth (again) when generations before me have passed away! While they too cry unto Allah for help and say: Woe unto you! Believe! Verily, the promise of Allah is true. But he says: This is nothing but fables of the ancient.”
Commenting on this attitude Allah says:
“Such are those whom the Word concerning nations of the jinn and mankind which have passed away before them has effect. Verily, they are the losers. And for each there will be degrees due to what they did; that He may recompense them in full for their deeds! And they will not be wronged.” (Qur-an, 46:15-19).
The forth and last place in the Noble Qur-an that refers to parents-child relationship is what is mentioned briefly in chapter 29 that says:
“We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents. But should they strive to make you join with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do.” (Qur-an, 29:8)
Hazrat Ibn Umar (Radiallahu Anhuma) reported Allah’s Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) as saying, “The believer is not given to cursing.” A version has “It is noy fitting for a believer to be given to cursing.”
Hazrat Samura Bin Jundub (Radiyallahu Anhu) reported Allah’s Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) as saying, “Do not invoke Allah’s curse, Allah’s curse, Allah’s anger, or Jahannam on one another.” A version has, “or Hell.”
Hazrat Abu Dardaa (Radiyallahu Anhu) told that he heard Allah’s Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) say, “When a man curses anything the curse goes upto heaven and the gates of heaven are locked against it. Then it comes down to the earth and its gates are locked against it. It then goes right and left ,and if it finds no place of entrance it returns to the thing which was cursed, and if it deserves what was said (it enters it) ; otherwise it returns to the one who uttered it.”
Hazrat Ibn Abbas (Radiyallahu Anhu) told that the wind snatched away a man’s cloak and he cursed it, so Allah’s Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said, “Do not curse it, for it is under command, and if anyone curses a thing undeservedly the curse returns upon him.”
(Tirmizi Sharif,Abu Dawood)
Reflecting on the Quranic instructions and prohibitions, a Muslim will get convinced with the fact that it is his duty to keep himself away form all sins, minor and major. This emanates from the fact that it is a Muslim’s first priority to gain Allah’s pleasure by doing what He likes and steering clear of what He dislikes, irrespective of the gravity or the simplicity of the sin.
Coming to the question on which major sin stands in next to polytheism, in terms of its gravity, we may as well infer that from the order adopted by the Quran when dictating the duties of every Muslim. In the Quran immediately after the duty of worshiping Allah comes the duty of showing dutifulness to one s parents: And your Lord has decreed, that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. (Al-Isra : 23)
It is well-known that Islam urges every Muslim to be dutiful to his parents, extending to them the kindest treatment possible. Failing to treat one’s parents kindly makes one guilty of disobedience to those parents as well as to Allah, and this may deprive one of a chance of being admitted to Paradise. So it goes without saying that disobedience to parents or mistreating them is the second major sin after polytheism. The first commandment in Islam as revealed to all prophets is to worship Allah and the second is to treat one’s parents kindly. Accordingly, the first major sin is Shirk (association of partners with Allah), and the second major sin is mistreating one’s parents.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Shall I tell you of the three most heinous sins? He repeated this question three times and then said, They are: to associate partners with Allah, to mistreat one’s parents, and to bear false testimony. In another tradition, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, One who mistreats his parents cannot hope to enter Paradise. He also said, The pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of one’s parents and the wrath of Allah is in the wrath of one’s parents.