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Characteristics Of A Pious Wife

A pious woman’s priority is to seek the pleasure of Allah. She tries acquiring the qualities of a good wife by following the examples set by the Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam – may the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him), and obeying what is commanded in the Book of Allah. Complete obedience and adherence to the Sunnah of the Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and Quran is the best of a woman’s qualities.

Examples:
A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her religion. So marry one for her religion and you will successful. [Bukhari & Muslim]

Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in their husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husbands property, etc) [4:34]

An-Nasaii narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) was asked “Who are the best of women?” He replied, “The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he asks (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”

Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts in Ramadan, protects her honor and obeys her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its(eight) gates that you wish.”

Reflect on:
If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: “Do not harm him, May Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.” [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi]

If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angels will curse her till the morning. [Muslim]

Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her. [An-Nasaii].

Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii]

The Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “If I were to order anyone to bow down to other than Allah, I would order the wife to do so for her husband. By the One who owns the soul of Muhammad, if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah.” [Ahmad]

The Prophet Among His Family Members

Muhammad the last Prophet and Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is the exemplary character that all Muslims must emulate. His way is the straight path that a Muslim has to follow in order to succeed in this world and in the hereafter.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) despite being the Messenger of Allah, was a human being, and therefore he did and said things which even ordinary people can easily understand and follow. The Prophet (peace be upon him) had exemplary patience, a capacity to bear hardship and ability to forgive the erring people, especially the ones who ever ‘wronged’ him in one way or the other.

He also had the ability to be steadfast and resolute in the face of persecution. He kept his promises, fought bravely when attacked, was generous in giving, content with what he had, honest, clean-hearted, kind and compassionate. He always worshiped Allah in sincerity, behaved with people in a humane manner, loved children and respected the womenfolk. In sum, in him was Uswa Hasana, the exemplary character: The Prophet (peace be upon him) was the finest human being.

Men are judged in many ways. But the best scale to judge the character of a man is to see how good he is to the members of his family, especially to his wife. Because husband and wife know each other in a way that others, even parents cannot. A wife knows even those aspects of man’s personality that he can hide from others. This is the reason that a wife’s testimony about her husband’s character is regarded as the most authentic.

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) received the first revelation in the Cave of Hira, he naturally became a bit apprehensive. In such a state of mind he went to no one but to his wife. And what Khadijah told him enumerating his good qualities is remarkable indeed. Imam Bukhari has narrated this story in the beginning of his magnum opus, Sahih, because it contains Khadijah’s testimony about the character and personality of the Prophet (peace be upon him). And this testimony has come from a woman who was witness to even those aspects of the Prophet’s life that others were not in a position to know.

It would, therefore, be rewarding to know as to how the Prophet (peace be upon him) behaved with his wives? It just so happens that people forget the real message or miss the spirit of the message and take their cultural habits as real things, even give them precedence and superiority over matters which are more essential. This is truer about our attitude towards women than anything else. Over the centuries, we have developed an attitude which deprives women even of the rights that the Holy Qur’an had given them. Women have all the rights to get educated and contribute to the welfare of the Ummah in befitting manners.

But we, the Muslims, have confined them within the four walls of their homes and do not do enough for their proper education. The Prophet (peace be upon him) had made it compulsory for both Muslim men and women to acquire knowledge. The Ummah must introspect and think what it has done so far for educating half of its population.

When we study the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him) we discover to our amazement that he was as much eager to teach women as he was about his male companions. Women were free to approach the Prophet (peace be upon him) and seek guidance from him. He never thought of them as a source of evil as some people think so today, and consequently deprive them of the opportunities that they deserve to have as a matter of right.

Some Muslims are harsh even toward their wives despite clear Islamic injunctions against such a treatment of women. Some think that being lenient to one’s children and wife is tantamount to spoiling them, and hence they never have fun or play with them. It would be advisable here to recount how the Prophet (peace be upon him) lived and behaved with his wives.

10 Tips to be a successful Husband

1. Dress up well for one’s wife:
Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good.When was the last time us men looked good to please our wives.Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasullullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) – would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use likeable names for your wife:
Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved.Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

3. Recognize the good & focus on that:
Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day – which brings no attention from the husband – until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

4. Be silent on the wrongs:
If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasullullah( sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) – used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives – radi Allahu ‘anhum. It’s a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

5. Smile at your wife:
Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasullullah( sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam)- would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

6. Thank her:
Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!

7. Make her happy:
Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your Life.

8. Comfort her:
Don’t be-little her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasullullah( sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah – radi Allahu ‘anha – was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

9. Be humorous:
Be humorous and Play games with your wife. Look at how Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – would race his wife Aisha -radi Allahu ‘anha – in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

10. Try to be the Best:
Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam: “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best!

In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah – azza wa jall – to make your marriage successful.

And Allah ta’ala knows best !!

The Islamic Wife In The Light Of Holy Qur’an And Ahadees

The Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, “A thankful tongue, a soft-hearted wife is a friend of yours in religion.” These are the qualities that Islam desires in a woman who shall nurture the future generations of mankind towards an Islamic society.

Sociologists all over the world are laying more and more stress on the importance of family life, as opposed to what goes on in the West, where 5 out of 10 marriages end in divorce, where 60% of divorced women are prone to suicide, and almost every separated family has a history of a delinquent child.

As a maintainer of woman, the man has been deemed responsible for managing the day-to-day affairs outside the house, striving to earn, a livelihood. Woman has been given complete charge of the house, responsible for rearing the children and managing the home. This division of management is not in any way derogatory to the honor of woman; she is not the man’s slave, but his equal. In all its wisdom, Islam has allotted different sets of duties to men and women because of their different physical and mental attributes. Man is physically better suited to rough it out in the harsh world, and, due to her physical and emotional make up, woman is more suitable to manage the house.

A woman is more self-sufficient in household affairs and better shoulders the responsibility of rearing the children. This arrangement guarantees the continuation and the formation of a society complementing religion. This is a great trial and test for man and woman. Very rarely do we find a family like that of Imam Ali (A.S.), which contains a Fatima Zahra (S.A.), Hassan (A.S.), Hussain (A.S.), Zainab (S.A.) and Kulsum (S.A.).

The Holy Qur’an states: “They (wives) are an apparel for you, and you are an apparel for them.” (2:187)

What the Qur’an is stating is clear – besides covering the body, apparel protects the body from the vagaries of nature, enhancing one’s personal beauty. Man and wife should complement each other, and as Imam Ali (A.S.) has said, “Like a dress, a worthy wife will conceal one’s fault.”

Clashes Among Family Members

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) says: “The Muslim man after Islam, didn’t achieve any extra advantage over his wife; a wife who when her husband looks upon her feels cheerful, follows her husband’s instructions and in his absence, protects her chastity and her husband’s property.” The family has always been one of the most valuable institutions of the society. In the foundation of social life, the family has been the focal point, putting aside the responsibilities related to the giving birth to and rearing of children which results in the continuation and perpetuity of mankind. Other responsibilities for example, the training and endorsing of societal awareness of an individual are also included. Family is a time-tested system which gives the individual a sense of belonging and being. This family system belongs to that group of systems, which have remained existent throughout history, and there are two main reasons for this:

1) The family environment secures the basic needs of a society and shoulders the responsibility of making individuals socially aware

2) The family is a strong and influential center, which brings about the feeling of closeness and emotional support in individuals. The family is also a medium, which plays an important role in the transfer of values, customs, and cultural heritage of the society.

Family disorders have many aspects, which may eventually lead to separation or divorce. One of the basic reasons for divorce is unwarranted expectations, which the two parties have of one another. These expectations are related to the status of the two parties ( i.e. husband and wife) in the society, sexual relations, physical health, financial security and the role that both the man and woman plays in the marriage.

At the same time, it should be mentioned here that the above expectations may be very influential in the strengthening of the family foundation. For example, in the present society, it can be seen that before marriage the couple believes that as long as their love for one another doesn’t decrease, nothing can break the bond that exists between them. But after the marriage, they quickly come to the realization that the love that was abundant in their marriage, has lost some of its luster, or disappeared completely and in order to solve their family problems, they are forced to use more practical methods.

In the same way, children whose parents are not happy in their marriages but remain living together, become affected by the family disputes, which are a result of the relationship of the parents

Building A Happy Family In Islam

THE Prophet (peace be upon him) gave many recommendations concerning women, to the extent that he described the man who treats his wife well as being one of the best and among the elite of his Ummah:

“The believer who has the most perfect faith is the one whose behavior is best, and the best of you are the ones who are best to their women-folk.”

Some women came to the family of the Prophet (peace be upon him) complaining about their husbands. So the Prophet (peace be upon him) announced to the men:

“Many women have visited the family of Muhammad, complaining about their husbands. Verily those are not the best among you.”

True Islam is preeminent in its fairness and respect towards women, and in its recommendation to husbands to treat their wives well even if they dislike them. This is something which women have never enjoyed throughout history, except in this religion. Allah says in the Qur’an:

“…live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” (Qur’an, 4:19)

This verse touches the heart of every true Muslim, so that his anger is soothed and his dislike towards his wife is lessened. In this way Islam protects the sacred marriage bond from being exposed to the danger of turbulent emotions and the folly of changing moods.

When a man came to ‘Umar Bin Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) and told him that he wanted to divorce his wife because he disliked her, ‘Umar said, “Woe to you! Are families only built on love? Where is your consideration and care?”

The marriage bond in Islam is of greater importance than emotional whims and rises above the pressures of wild natural passion. The true Muslim possesses enough chivalry, nobility, courtesy, perseverance, generosity and strength of character to make him rise above any dislike for his wife in his dealings with her. Far be it from him to be guided by only mindless animal instincts or for making a profit!

The true Muslim doesn’t but obey his Lord; so he treats his wife well even if he dislikes her, because he understands the injunctions of his All-Wise Lord about matters that are hidden from him, and they are far too many. A man may dislike something and try to distance himself from it, when in fact it is full of goodness and blessing. The true Muslim knows how to love and how to hate. Love is not blind for him, neither does he go to extremes of dislike and hatred, but in either case his attitude is moderate and balanced.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) explained that even if a husband dislikes his believing Muslim wife, she will still have some favorable characteristics which will please him, so he should not ignore the good side of her character and focus only on the negative aspects:

“No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, there will be others that would please him.” (Muslim)

– Published by International Islamic Publishing House, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

How To Win The Heart Of Husband?

10. Use your `Fitnah’ to win the heart of your husband
All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah – Azza wa Jal – has bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband.

9. When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting
Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom – what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him.

8. Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn and try to imitate them
The Qur’an and Sunnah describe the women in Jannah with certain characteristics. Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes to `enlarge’ them, and sing to your husband.

7. Always wear jewelry and dress up in the house.
From the early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and worn pretty dresses – as described in the Qur’an. As a wife, continue to use the jewelry that you have and the pretty dresses for your husband.

6. Joke and play games with your husband.
A mans secret: they seek women who are lighthearted and have a sense of humor. As Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh.

5. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then thank him again.
This is one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.

4. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple `I’m sorry’ even if it is not your fault.
When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, “Look, I’m sorry. Let’s be friends.”

3. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So .. please him.

2. Listen and Obey!
Obeying your husband is Fard! Your husband is the Ameer of the household. Give him that right and respect.

1. Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful.
All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah ta’ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on – by the Mercy of Allah ta’ala – into Jannah.

And Allah knows best