Dealing With A Child Who Gets Angry Quickly
What is Anger?
Anger is a natural emotion. Its nature’s way of telling us that something in our lives has gone haywire. Anger occurs as a defensive response to a perceived attack or threat to our well-being.
In addition to psychological changes, like any emotion, anger is accompanied by physiological changes.
When you get angry your adrenaline flows, your heart rate increases, and your blood pressure escalate. The phrase, “I am so mad my blood is boiling” isn’t that far from true when you fly into a rage!
Domestic abuse, road rage, workplace violence, divorce, and addictions are a few of the external examples of the results of poor anger management.
Moreover, anger can lead to physical problems when not properly managed.
Long-term anger has been linked to chronic headaches, sleep disorders, digestive problems, high blood pressure, and even heart attack.
The Sequence of Anger
Anger is usually “triggered” by an occurrence, like stubbing your toe on an inanimate object or by something that someone says.
Next, you think something like “what did I do to deserve that”. However, at this point, emotion takes over your mind and the “pain” of the situation leads you to believe the answer to your question is “Nothing. I didn’t deserve that at all!”
Feelings of hurt and betrayal further try to override logic and you’re ready to act on your anger by either suppressing it or expressing it.
Means of dealing with anger include the following :
· Seeking refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaytaan.
· Keeping quiet.
· Calming down; if you are standing, you should sit down; if you are sitting, you should lie down.
· Remembering the reward for restraining anger, as it says in the Saheeh hadeeth: “Do not get angry and Paradise will be yours.”
· Understanding the high status of one who controls himself, as it says in the Saheeh hadeeth: “Whoever restrains his anger, Allah will cover his faults. Whoever controls his fury – even if he is able to show it – Allah will fill his heart with hope on the Day of Resurrection.” (Classed as Hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 906).
· Learning what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) teachings concerning anger.
· Knowing that controlling anger is one of the signs of piety, as it says in the hadeeth quoted above.
· Paying attention when reminded, controlling oneself, and following advice.
· Knowing the bad effects of anger.
· Thinking about how one is affected at the moment of anger.
· Praying that Allah will remove this resentment from one’s heart.
There follows a lovely story which will help you to deal with the child whose problem you mention:
There was a boy who was always losing his temper. His father gave him a bag full of nails and said to him, “My son, I want you to hammer a nail into our garden fence every time you need to direct your anger against something and you lose your temper.”
So the son started to follow his father’s advice. On the first day he hammered in 37 nails, but getting the nails into the fence was not easy, so he started trying to control himself when he got angry.
As the days went by, he was hammering in fewer nails, and within weeks he was able to control himself and was able to refrain from getting angry and from hammering nails. He came to his father and told him what he had achieved. His father was happy with his efforts and said to him: “But now, my son, you have to take out a nail for every day that you do not get angry.”
The son started to take out the nails for each day that he did not get angry until there were no nails left in the fence.
He came to his father and told him what he had achieved. His father took him to the fence and said, “My son, you have done well, but look at these holes in the fence. This fence will never be the same again.” Then he added: “When you say things in a state of anger, they leave marks like these holes on the hearts of others. You can stab a person and withdraw the knife but it doesn’t matter how many times you say ‘I’m sorry,’ because the wound will remain.
Surah Al-Momin Kay Fazail
What Islam Says About Prisoners
To make the matter easier to understand and to make the rulings more clear, the scholars divided the subject matter into two parts: the rulings pertaining to the personal health of prisoners, and the rulings pertaining to health care in the place that is used as a prison.
On Health Of Prisoners
1. The jurists discussed the matter of imprisoning a person who is sick in the first place. Do the authorities have the right to imprison a sick person? The answer is that this is a matter of ijtihad (legal reasoning), and the final decision rests with the judge who must weigh up the reason why this person is to be imprisoned, the seriousness of his disease, and the possibility of taking care of him in jail. If sufficient health care is available for this sick person in prison, and he is not suffering a serious illness that could kill him if he is detained, it is permissible to imprison him. If such care is not available, the judge may hand him over to someone who can treat him and guard him, without releasing him completely, until it is possible to imprison him again.
2. If a prisoner becomes sick while in jail and it is possible to treat him there, then he must be treated without bringing him out. Doctors and servants should not be prevented from going in to see him, treat him and serve him. If lack of treatment might cause death, criminal charges are to be laid against those who were the cause of that, and they are to be punished. The Prophet (peace be upon him) passed by a prisoner who was in chains, and he called out, “O Muhammad, O Muhammad!” He came to him and said, “What is the matter?” He said, “I am hungry, feed me. I am thirsty, give me water.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) commanded that his needs should be met. (Narrated by Muslim). And no doubt medical treatment is what the sick person needs.
But if it is not possible to treat him inside the prison, he must be taken out to a place where it is possible to treat him, under the supervision of the jail personnel or whoever is delegated to the task of watching and guarding him.
With regard to these rulings, the jurists do not differentiate between physical illness and psychological illness (true psychological illness, that is, as opposed to the made-up psychological illness or the regular psychological illness which many lawyers use as a means of getting criminals to let off). Hence the jurists stated that it is not permissible to lock the door on the prisoner – so long as there is the certainty that he will not run away – or to put him in a dark room, or to harm him in any way or to do anything that will make him terrified. His relatives should not be prevented from visiting him, because this will have an effect on his health and psychology.
3. It is prescribed for the authorities or their representative to set up a special medical wing in the prison to take care of the prisoners’ health needs. This will spare them the need to take them out to public hospitals and expose them to possible insult and humiliation.
4. Prisoners should be allowed to see their spouses and to have intimate relations with them, if there is a suitable place for that in the jail, as a protection for them and their spouses.
5. The jurists stated that it is obligatory to enable prisoners to do ablution and purify themselves, which is undoubtedly an important protective precaution against sickness.
Rulings
The place that is used as a prison should be spacious, clean, well-ventilated, lit by natural sunlight, and furnished with the necessary facilities such as washrooms, etc. It is not permissible to gather such a large number of prisoners in one place that they will not be able to do ablution and pray.
Dealing With Prisoners
1. Mutilating. It is not permitted to punish a prisoner by cutting off any part of his body or breaking any of his bones. The Prophet (peace be upon him) forbade mutilation of prisoners of war and said, “Do not mutilate.” (Narrated by Muslim).
2. Hitting the face, et cetera. This is prohibited because of the humiliation involved. By the same token, it is not permitted to put chains on prisoners’ necks or to lay them on the ground to whip them, even if this is the hadd (Islamic punishment) prescribed for them because this involves humiliation and harms their health and bodies.
3. Punishment by fire, strangulation, or holding a prisoner’s head underwater. The exception is in cases of qisaas (retaliation) and where the punishment needs to fit the crime. For example, if a person has committed aggression against another by burning him, it is permissible to exact retribution against him in the same manner.
4. Starving prisoners or exposing them to cold, or feeding them harmful things, or preventing them from wearing clothes. If a prisoner dies because of such things, his jailer may be executed in retribution (qisaas) or be required to pay diyah (blood money).
5. Removing prisoners’ clothing. This is prohibited because it uncovers their awrah (private parts) and exposes them to physical and psychological illness.
6. Preventing them from relieving themselves, doing ablution, and praying. It is obvious that this is harmful to the prisoners’ health.
Examples
The Hadith mentioned above shows how the Prophet (peace be upon him) issued commands that prisoners should be cared for and their needs for food and drink met. The Prophet (peace be upon him) often used to hand prisoners over to his Companions and urge them to treat them well.
The Rightly-Guided Caliph `Ali ibn Abi Talib (Allah be pleased with him) used to inspect the prisons, meet the prisoners in them, and inquire about their circumstances.
Umar Ibn Abdul Aziz, the fifth Rightly-Guided Caliph, used to write to his employees, telling them to see how the prisoners were and to take care of the sick among them.
Caliph Al-Mu`tadid allocated 1500 dinars of the monthly budget to be spent on the needs and medical treatment of prisoners.
When the Abbasid Caliph Al-Muqtadir imprisoned one of his ministers, Ibn Muqlah, and the minister got sick the caliph sent for the famous doctor Thabit ibn Sinan ibn Thabit ibn Qurrah to treat him in jail, and he urged him to treat him well. The doctor used to feed him with his own hand and treated him very kindly.
At the time of the Caliph Al-Muqtadir, the minister Ali ibn Isa Al-Jarrah wrote to the head of the hospitals of Iraq at that time: “I have been thinking, may Allah grant you long life, about those who are in prison. With their large numbers and rough accommodation, they are not free from disease. They are prevented from doing things that will benefit them and meeting with doctors whom they can consult about the diseases they are exposed to. So you have to appoint doctors for them who will go in and see them every day and take with their medicine and drinks, and who will go around to all the jails and treat the sick in them and prescribe medicine for them.” This care lasted throughout the reign of Al-Muqtadir, Al-Qahir, Al-Radi and Al-Muttaqi.”
Khawab Kay Mutaliq Ahkam
Do Not Interrupt Or Cut Off Someone While He Is Speaking
While we are talking – whether in the midst of a story or an explanation – we would certainly dislike it if others were to interrupt us, so we should give others the same courtesy that we expect for ourselves. The Islamic manner of not interrupting others in their speech is supported by a Hadeeth related by Abu Hurairah (RA), in which he (RA) said, While the Prophet (saas) was in a gathering, speaking to the people, a Bedouin came and said, When is the Hour (i.e., when will this world come to an end)? The Messenger of Allah (saas) continued to speak, so some people said, The Prophet (saas) heard him but disliked what he said, while others said, No, he heard. When he finished speaking, the Prophet (saas) said, Where is the questioner about the Hour? The Bedouin said, Here I am, O Messenger of Allah. He (saas) said,
When the trust is lost, await the Hour.
The Bedouin asked, And how will it be lost? He (saas) said,
When the matter (i.e., the position of leadership) is entrusted to those who do not deserve it, then await the Hour. 1
The portion of the Hadeeth that is relevant to our discussion here is Abu Harairahs saying, The Messenger of Allah (saas) continued to speak. He did not stop or allow himself to be interrupted, because the right to speak was with the person in the gathering who was already speaking – in the case, the Prophet (saas) – and not with the questioner.
In establishing the said ruling, we can also draw upon the saying of Ibn Abbaas (ra) to Ikramiah: Speak to the people once a week and if you refuse except to do otherwise, then twice; and if you want to address them even more often, then three times. And do not be the cause of people becoming bored by the Quran (by addressing them too often or for too long). And do not let me find you going to a people, while they are talking, and speaking to them (with a sermon), thus cutting off their talk and causing them to become bored. Instead, listen (to them and wait), and when they command (or ask) you (to address them), then speak to them while they are in a state of desiring to hear you. 2
1) Related by Bukhaare (59) and Ahmad (8512)
2) Related by Bukhaaree (6337)
Haqooq Ul Ibad Ki Ahmiyat
Desire for Allah S.W.T
Desire For Allah “The reality of love is being in accordance with what beloved wants, concerning what pleases him and what makes him angry.”
“The Garden of the Lovers and the Excursion of Those Who Yearn” By Imam Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah Translated by: Khalil Abu Asma
Chapter: Concerning The Desire For Allah And The Signs Of The One Who Knows Allah
As for the desire for Allah (Raghbah), wanting Him (lit. His Countenance) and yearning for the meeting with Him, then it is the capital of the slave, the foundation of his affair, the basis of his life of goodness, the source of his (true) happiness, success and bliss, and it is the coolness of his eye. For this reason, he was created and for it, he has been commanded. The messengers have been sent and the books have been revealed also for this purpose. There is no rectification or bliss for the heart unless its desire is solely for Allah, alone, Mighty and Majestic is He. Hence, He alone should be his desire, what he seeks out, and his goal. As Allah, the Exalted has said,
“So when you have finished (your occupation), devote yourself for Allah’s worship. And to your Lord turn your desires and intentions.” (Qur’an 94:7-8)
And He, the Exalted, has also said,
“Would that they were contented with what Allah and His Messenger gave them and had said, ‘Allah is sufficient for us. Allah will give us of His bounty, and so will His Messenger. We implore Allah’” (Qur’an 9:59)
Those who desire are three types:
1. Those who desire Allah,
2. Those who desire what Allah has
3. And those who desire other than Allah.
So the lover is the one who desires Allah. The one who is concerned with works is the one who desires what Allah has. And the one who is satisfied with this life, in neglect to the Hereafter, is the one who desires other than Him. The person whose desire is for Allah alone, Allah will suffice him from every concern, take on all of his affairs, deflect from him what he is not capable himself to deflect, protect him like the protection of a father to his child and preserve him from all afflictions. And whoever prefers Allah to all others, Allah will prefer him to others. And whoever is for Allah, Allah will be for him where he is not even there for his own self. Whoever knows Allah, nothing will be more beloved to him than Him and no desire will remain in this type of person for anything other than Him, except that which will bring him closer to Him or assist him in his wayfaring to Him. From among the signs of experiential knowledge (Ma’rifah) of Allah is veneration and awe (Haybah). As the slave’s experiential knowledge of his Lord increases, so to does his veneration and awe increase. As Allah, the Exalted has said,
“It is only those who have knowledge among His slaves that fear Allah.” (Qur’ân 35:28)
Meaning, those who are knowledgeable concerning Him. And the Prophet, said, “I am the most knowledgeable of you concerning Allah and I am the most intense in awe and reverence of Him” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). So whoever knows Allah (has Ma’rifah) his livelihood will be pure, his life will be sweet, everything will revere him and all fear of created things will leave him. He will find intimacy with Allah and will have an aversion for (common) people.
Knowledge of Allah (Ma’rifah) will bequeath to him shyness in front of Allah, veneration, and reverence of Him, vigilance (concerning His vision), love, trust in Him, turning to Him, pleasure in Him, and submission to His ordinances. It was said to Junayd, “There are a group of people here that claim that they can attain righteousness by leaving all movement.” He responded,
“Such ones have spoken of the removal of all action, and this is something very immense. The one who fornicates and steals is in a better state than the one who says that (as far as I am concerned). For verily, those who have experiential knowledge of Allah (the ‘Arifûn) have taken their actions from Allah and they have returned to Allah in them. If I were to live one thousand years I would not decrease in performing righteous works.” He also said, “One who knows Allah does not really know Allah until he becomes like the earth; the feet of the righteous and the unrighteous tread upon him. And (until he becomes) like the rain that waters what it likes and what it doesn’t like.”
Yahya ibn Mu’adh said,
“The one who knows Allah leaves this world (at the time of death) and he has not had his fill of two things: crying over his himself and yearning for his Lord.”
Others have said,
“One who knows Allah will not really know Allah until if he is given a dominion like the kingdom of Solomon it would not distract him from Allah for even the blink of an eye.”
It has also been said,
“The one who knows Allah has found intimacy with Allah and has an aversion for other than Him. He has realized his poverty in front of Allah, so Allah has enriched him from His creation. And he has humbled himself in front of Allah, so He has ennobled him amongst His creation.”
Abu Salyman Ad-Darani said,
“While (resting) in bed, the one who has experiential knowledge of Allah has openings that do not even come to the one who is standing in prayer!”
Dhun-Nun (Al-Misri) said,
“For everything, there is a punishment. And the punishment of the one who knows Allah (the ‘Arif) is being cut off from the remembrance of Allah.”
In summary, the life of the heart is with Allah and there is no life for it without that, ever. So when the heart is in agreement with the tongue in its Dhikr (remembrance of Allah) and the heart is in agreement with what the Beloved wants from it; when he (the servant) belittles the many works and statements that he has made and regards even Allah’s subtle generosity and kindness as great; when he embraces obedience and leaves off disobedience, and has left all of it for the sake of his Beloved so that nothing of it remains; when his heart has become full with reverence, awe, preference, and pleasure in Him and his patience in yearning for Him has reached its last straw; when he cannot find repose except in His remembrance, desire for Him and yearning for the meeting with Him; when he cannot find (true) intimacy except in His Dhikr while maintaining His ordinances and preferring Him to others…Then this, this is the true lover (Muhibb). Junayd said,
“I heard Al-Harith Al-Muhasibi say: “Love (Mahabbah) is your inclination to something with all of your being. Then, your preference to that thing over your own self, your soul, and your possessions and wealth. Then, you’re being in accordance with that thing inwardly and outwardly, privately and publicly. Then, realizing your shortcomings with regards to your love of it.”
It was said,
“Love (Mahabbah) is a fire that burns in the heart. It burns everything other than what the beloved wants from the lover.”
It was also said,
“Nay, it is exerting all efforts in pleasing the beloved. And that could never be so until one no longer sees the ‘love’ anymore, but only witnesses the beloved.”
It is mentioned in some of the Hadith Qudsi,
“My servant, I am, by your right, a lover of you. So, be you, by my right upon you, a lover of Me.”
‘Abdullah ibn Al-Mubarak said,
“Whomsoever is given something of love and is not given its equivalent of awe and veneration (khashyah), then he is deceived.”
Yahya ibn Mu’adh said,
“A muster seed’s amount of love is more beloved to me than seventy years of worship without love!”
Abu Bakr Al-Kattani said,
“An issue concerning love (Mahabbah) came up in Makkah during the days of the Pilgrimage. The Sheikhs spoke on the matter. Junayd was present and he was the youngest amongst them. So they said to him, ‘Give us what you have O Iraqi!’ He lowered his head in humility and his eyes shed tears, and he spoke: ‘(How great is) a slave who has left himself, connected to the Dhikr of his Lord, upholding His rights, witnessing Him with his heart. The lights of His Essence have burned his heart and his drink is pure from the cup of His pure love. If such a one speaks, it is by Allah. If he utters, it is from Allah. If he moves, it is by the command of Allah. If he remains silent, he is with Allah. So he is by Allah, for Allah, and with Allah.’ So the sheikhs cried and said, “There is nothing that can be added to this. May Allah rectify you, O Taj Al-‘Arifîn (crown of those who know Allah)!”
It was said that Allah revealed to Dawud,
“O Dawud, I have made it prohibited (Haram) for the hearts to contain the love of Me and the love of others at the same time.”
Those who know Allah (the ‘Arifun) have all agreed that love is not acceptable without compliance (with the Sacred Law), so much so that some of them said, “The reality of love is being in accordance with what beloved wants, concerning what pleases him and what makes him angry.” The People (of the Science of Purification; Al-Qawm) have also agreed that love is not acceptable without Tawhid (belief in the Oneness of Allah). It was related that there was a man who claimed that he was overwhelmed by the love of a certain person. So one day this certain person said to him (the lover), “How can this be when my brother over here is much more attractive and more perfect in beauty?!” The man looked over to him and then the person pushed him and said,
“Someone who claims that he loves us and then looks at other than us?
Faal Goi Kay Mutaliq Ahkam
The Quranic Ruling On Alcohol
[1:1] In the name of GOD, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
[5:90] O you who believe, intoxicants, and gambling, and the altars of idols, and the games of chance are abominations of the devil; you shall avoid them, that you may succeed.
Alcohol is not a good provision as understood from the following verse.
[16:67] And from the fruits of date palms and grapes you produce intoxicants, as well as good provisions. This should be (sufficient) proof for people who understand.
The following verse explains why alcohol is not a good provision.
[2:219] They ask you about intoxicants and gambling: say, “In them, there is a gross sin and some benefits for the people. But their sinfulness far outweighs their benefit.” They also ask you what to give to charity: say, “The excess.” GOD thus clarifies the revelations for you, that you may reflect,
The above verse states that there is a gross “sin” in alcohol. The following verse explains why there is a gross “sin” in consuming alcohol.
[5:91] The devil wants to provoke animosity and hatred among you through intoxicants and gambling, and to distract you from remembering GOD, and from observing the Contact Prayers (Salat). Will you then refrain?
The above verse states that the devil wants to distract us from observing the Contact Prayers with the help of alcohol. The following verse explains how alcohol distracts us from observing the contact prayers.
[4:43] O you who believe, do not observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) while intoxicated so that you know what you are saying. Nor after sexual orgasm without bathing, unless you are on the road, traveling; if you are ill or traveling, or you had urinary or fecal-related excretion (such as gas), or contacted the women (sexually), and you cannot find water, you shall observe Tayammum (dry ablution) by touching clean dry soil, then wiping your faces and hands therewith. GOD is Pardoner, Forgiver.
The following verse explains to us why do we need to avoid consuming alcohol.
[5:90] O you who believe, intoxicants, and gambling, and the altars of idols, and the games of chance are abominations of the devil; you shall avoid them, that you may succeed.
Please note that verses 5:90 and 5:91 above give us an understanding that the devil wants to use alcohol as a tool to misguide human beings. So, in the Quranic context consuming alcohol harms us when we commit sins. So, “sin” is the aftereffect of “harm”. In the translation of verse 2:219 above, the word “harm” might be more appropriate than the word “sin”, since, the meaning of “harm” is the opposite of “benefit”. The following translation of 2:219 by “Progressive Muslims” conveys this understanding.
“Progressive Muslims”
They ask you about intoxicants and gambling. Say: “In them is great harm, and a benefit for mankind; but their harm is greater than their benefit.” And they ask you how much are they to give, say: “The excess.” It is thus that God clarifies for you the revelations that you may think.
The Quran uses very straightforward verses and the very strong word “prohibition” for certain foods but not for alcohol. The consumption of alcohol is discouraged and the reasons are given clearly by God and His messenger.
[2:173] He only prohibits for you the eating of animals that die of themselves (without human interference), blood, the meat of pigs, and animals dedicated to other than GOD. If one is forced (to eat these), without being malicious or deliberate, he incurs no sin. GOD is Forgiver, Most Merciful.
[3:7] He sent down to you this scripture, containing straightforward verses – which constitute the essence of the scripture – as well as multiple-meaning or allegorical verses. Those who harbor doubts in their hearts will pursue the multiple-meaning verses to create confusion and to extricate a certain meaning. None knows the true meaning thereof except GOD and those well founded in knowledge. They say, “We believe in this – all of it comes from our Lord.” Only those who possess intelligence will take heed.
[5:90] O you who believe, intoxicants, and gambling, and the altars of idols, and the games of chance are abominations of the devil; you shall avoid them, that you may succeed.
[5:91] The devil wants to provoke animosity and hatred among you through intoxicants and gambling, and to distract you from remembering GOD, and from observing the Contact Prayers (Salat). Will you then refrain?