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The Order To Marry

Hadith – Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, No. 1, Narrated Anas bin Malik ) Razi Allahu Anhu) A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, “Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven.” Then one of them said, “I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever.” The other said, “I will fast throughout the year and not break my fast.” The third said, “I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever.” Allah’s Apostle came to them and said, “Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers).”

Hadith – Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4, Narrated ‘Abdullah ) Razi Allahu Anhu) We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Apostle said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty ( i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.”

Saying of Salaf – Sufyan ibn ‘Uyaynah
Sufyan ibn ‘Uyaynah (rahimahullah) said, “The most nimble of creatures still have need of a voice. The cleverest women still need to have a husband, and the cleverest man still needs to consult wise men.”

Al-Mahr (The Dowry)
The Noble Qur’an 4:4: And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allâh has made it lawful).

The Limit of What Can Be Seen of the Woman Whom One Seeks to Marry
There is no harm (in the man seeing her), however it is not obligatory. Rather, it is recommended that he sees her and she sees him because the Prophet (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) commanded the one who proposed marriage to look at the woman. This is because that is better for causing agreement and harmony between them. So if she uncovers her face for him, and her hands and her head, there is no harm in that according to the correct opinion. Some of the people of knowledge have said that it is sufficient for her to uncover the face and the two hands. However, the correct opinion is that there is no harm in him seeing her head, face, hands, and feet

However, this is not permissible for him to be alone with her. Rather, her father, or brother, or someone else must be with them. This is because the Prophet (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “A man must never be alone with a woman unless there is someone who is a Mahram with them.” (Agreed upon in Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree and Saheeh Muslim.) He (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) also said, “A man must never be alone with a woman, for verily the Satan is their third.” (At-Tirmithee and Ahmad)

Rights over one another
Hadith – Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 50, Number 882. Narrated Uqba bin Amir ) Razi Allahu Anhu) Allah’s Apostle (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “From among all the conditions which you have to fulfill, the conditions which make it legal for you to have sexual relations ( i.e. the marriage contract) have the greatest right to be fulfilled.”

The following examples of behavior of a husband are haram (prohibited) and can lead to disobedience (to Allah) in the wife.

Al-Bahuti al-Hanbali, Kishaaf al-Qinaa’ an Matn al-Iqnaa’, vol. 5, pp. 184, 290, 213; Ibn Abideen, Radd al-Mukhtar ala al-Darr al-Mukhtar wa Hashiyah, vol. 3, p. 190; Tafseer al-Manaar, vol. 5, p. 76.
“He [the husband] may cause his wife different forms of harm, such as cursing her or her family, reviling her, verbally abusing her for the tiniest of reasons. He may insult her because of her family if it is less prestigious or honorable than his. Or he may try to bring harm to her by divorcing her and then, before the waiting period is finished, bring her back as his wife and then divorce her again. All this is done without the intention of returning to a real married life but simply to harm her and transgress her rights. Or he may avoid having sexual intercourse with her for no reason or legal sanction. This may lead the woman to lose her chastity and do something forbidden.”

The Noble Qur’an Al-Baqarah 2:228
…And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.

Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi, Narrated Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami ) Razi Allahu Anhu) The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said, “…Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone you dislike, to trample your bed and do not permit those whom you dislike to enter your home. Their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.”

Hadith – Sahih Al-Bukhari 3.189, Narrated Abu Juhaifa )Razi Allahu Anhu) Salman told Abu Ad-Darda’, “Your Lord has a right on you, your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you; so you should give the rights of all those who have a right on you.” Abu Ad-Darda’ came to the Prophet and narrated the whole story. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said, “Salman has spoken the truth.”

Hadith – Sahih Al-Bukhari 3.501, Narrated Abu Huraira )Razi Allahu Anhu) …The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said, “The best amongst you is the one who pays the rights of others generously.”

Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi #276, Narrated Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami ) Razi Allahu Anhu) Amr heard the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) say in his farewell address on the eve of his Last Pilgrimage, after he had glorified and praised Allah, he cautioned his followers: ‘Listen! Treat women kindly; they are like prisoners in your hands. Beyond this, you do not owe anything to them. Should they be guilty of flagrant misbehavior, you may remove them from your beds and beat them but do not inflict upon them any severe punishment. Then if they obey you, do not have recourse to anything else against them. Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone you dislike, to trample your bed and do not permit those whom you dislike to enter your home. Their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.’ [Transmitted by Tirmidhi]

The Noble Qur’an 5:1 O you who believe! Fulfill (your) obligations. …

Some Marriage Conditions That Must Not Exist
The Noble Qur’an 24:3: The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a Mushrikah and the adulteress none marries her except an adulterer or a Muskrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely he is either an adulterer or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater, etc.) And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress, etc.)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism).

The Noble Qur’an 5:5: (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity ( i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends.

The Noble Qur’an Al-Mumtahinah 60:10: O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them, Allâh knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers, send them not back to the disbelievers, they are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give the disbelievers that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr), and let them (the disbelievers, etc.) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of Allâh. He judges between you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.

Hadith – Malik’s Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.8.21: Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that Said ibn al-Musayyab said, “It is forbidden to be married to a woman and her paternal or maternal aunt at the same time, and for a man to have intercourse with a female slave who is carrying another man’s child.”

Hadith – Muwatta 28.54: Yahya related to me from Malik from Rabia ibn Abi Abd ar-Rahman that al-Qasim ibn Muhammad and Urwa ibn az-Zubayr said that a man who had four wives and then divorced one of them irrevocably, could marry straightaway if he wished, and he did not have to wait for the completion of her idda.

Hadith – Malik’s Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.11.26: Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu’z-Zubayr al-Makki that a case was brought to Umar about a marriage that had only been witnessed by one man and one woman. He said, “This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. Had I been the first to come upon it, I would have ordered them to be stoned.”

Hadith – Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 48, Number 813, Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said about Hamza’s daughter, “I am not legally permitted to marry her, as [Islamic] foster relations are treated like blood relations (in marital affairs). She is the daughter of my foster brother.”

Temporary Marriage
Hadith – Malik’s Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.18.41: Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Abdullah and Hasan, the sons of Muhammad ibn Ali ibn Abi Talib from their father, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) forbade temporary marriage with women and the flesh of domestic donkeys on the Day of Khaybar.

Hadith – Malik’s Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.18.42: Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Urwa ibn az-Zubayr that Khawla ibn Hakim came to Umar ibn al-Khattab and said, ”Rabia ibn Umayya made a temporary marriage with a woman and she is pregnant by him.” Umar ibn al-Khattab went out in dismay dragging his cloak, saying, “This temporary marriage, had I come across it, I would have ordered stoning and done away with it! ”

How to Approach a Woman for Marriage
Hadith – Muwatta 28.1: Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad ibn Yahya ibn Habban from al-Araj from Abu Hurayra (Razi Allahu Anhu) that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said, ” Do not ask for a woman in marriage when another Muslim has already done so.”

A Pious Poor Pious Man is a Better Marriage Suitor than a Rich Man Who is Not Pious
Hadith – Bukhari 7.28, Narrated Sahl: A man passed by Allah’s Apostle and Allah’s Apostle asked (his companions) “What do you say about this (man)?” They replied, “If he asks for a lady’s hand, he ought to be given her in marriage; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercessor should be accepted; and if he speaks, he should be listened to.” Allah’s Apostle kept silent, and then a man from among the poor Muslims passed by, and Allah’s Apostle asked (them) “What do you say about this man?” They replied, “If he asks for a lady’s hand in marriage he does not deserve to be married, and he intercedes (for someone), his intercession should not be accepted; And if he speaks, he should not be listened to.” Allah’s Apostle (saaws) said, “This poor man is better than so many of the first as filling the earth.”

Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi #3090, Narrated Abu Hurairah, (Razi Allahu Anhu): Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, ‘When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.’ [Tirmidhi, Nasa’i, and Ibn Majah transmitted it.]

57 Ways Of Winning Your Husband’s Love

  1. Behave like a female, i.e. with all the tenderness of a female.
  2. Dress pleasantly and attractively. If you are a homemaker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.
  3. Smell good.
  4. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.
  5. Don’t keep asking him ‘What are you thinking?’ because, unlike women, men’s thoughts are as random as the results of a Google search. Women on the other hand have thoughts as organized as a labeled file cabinet!
  6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah gives you something really to complain about.
  7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet under the pretense of seeking help, even if you are the victim. If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues then go seek counseling with the right person.
  8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.
  9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam.
  10. Race to the door when he comes home as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug.
  11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.
  12. Compliment him on the things you know he’s not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc). This will build his self-esteem.
  13. Tell him he’s the best husband.
  14. Call his family often.
  15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.
  16. When he’s talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you’re interested.
  17. Encourage him to do good deeds.
  18. If he’s in a bad mood, give him some space. He’ll get over it, Insha Allah.
  19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It’s a big deal.
  20. If he’s angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you’re quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he’s calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.
  21. When you’re mad at him, don’t say ‘You make me furious,’ rather say, ‘This action makes me upset.’ Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him.
  22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.
  23. Let him chill out with his friends without guilt, especially if they’re good guys. Encourage him to go out, so he doesn’t feel cooped up at home.
  24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it.
  25. Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings.
  26. Don’t get mad over small things. It’s not worth it.
  27. Make jokes. If you’re not naturally funny, find some jokes on the internet.
  28. Tell him you’re the best wife and compliment yourself on certain things you know you’re good at.
  29. Learn to make his favorite dish.
  30. Don’t ever, ever talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily.
  31. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you’re a housewife, take online classes and be active in your community. This will not only make you happy but will impress your husband too.
  32. Do all of the above (i.e. trying to please your husband) for the sake of Allah and you will see Allah’s blessings in everything you do.
  33. Spouses are garments for each other; hide your husband’s faults and help him get over them wisely.
  34. Tell your husband you love him, many many times.
  35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter than him.
  36. Be fit and take care of your health; you will remain a strong mother, wife, cook, and housekeeper.
  37. Cultivate good manners. Do not be too loud, whether while laughing, talking, or even walking.
  38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge.
  39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so they always look fresh and crisp.
  40. Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day in every prayer. Truly Satan’s most treasured act is to create rifts between couples to the point of divorce. Seek Allah’s refuge from Satan.
  41. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and that’s really true.
  42. Make sure you always have something for dinner.
  43. Brush your hair every day.
  44. Don’t forget to do the laundry.
  45. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities can be gifts, like a pair of new shoes.
  46. Listen to him when he’s talking. Don’t interject with him and talk about your own issues.
  47. Try (hard as it might be) to take an interest in his hobbies (bowling?). Try not to go shopping too much and spend all his money.
  48. Look attractive and it’s fine, in fact good, to be seductive towards him.
  49. Learn tricks and techniques to please your husband in intimacy.
  50. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted).
  51. Take care of your skin, especially the face, which is the center of attraction.
  52. If you are not satisfied intimately, talk to him and help him. Don’t wait till matters become worse.
  53. Never discuss important or controversial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find the right time for the right discussion.
  54. Learn to compromise.
  55. Continue to do things for your husband and don’t take him for granted.
  56. Respect his rights (he’s your road to paradise).
  57. Make tea for him or whatever hot drink he likes, it will soothe his rough edges.

Family Life And Human Rights In Islam

Why is the family so important to Muslims?
The family is the foundation of Islamic society. The peace and security offered by a stable family unit are greatly valued, and seen as essential for the spiritual growth of its members. A harmonious social order is created by the existence of extended families; children are treasured, and rarely leave home until the time they marry.

What about Muslim Women?
Islam sees a woman, whether single or married, as an individual in her own right, with the right to own and dispose of her property and earnings. A marriage dowry is given by the groom to the bride for her own personal use, and she keeps her own family name rather than taking her husband’s.

Both men and women are expected to dress in a way that is modest and dignified; the traditions of female dress found in some Muslim countries are often the expression of local customs.

The Messenger of God [PBUH] said: ‘The most perfect in faith amongst believers is he who is best in the manner and kindest to his wife.’

Can a Muslim have more than one wife?
The religion of Islam was revealed for all societies and all times and so accommodates widely differing social requirements. Circumstances may warrant the taking of another wife but the right is granted, according to the Qur’an, only on condition that the husband is scrupulously fair.

Is Islamic marriage like Christian marriage?
A Muslim marriage is not a ‘sacrament’, but a simple, legal agreement in which either partner is free to include conditions. Marriage customs thus vary widely from country to country. As a result, divorce is not common, although it is not forbidden as a last resort. According to Islam, no Muslim girl can be forced to marry against her will: her parents will simply suggest young men they think may be suitable.

How do Muslims treat the elderly?
In the Islamic world, there are no old people’s homes. The strain of caring for one’s parents in this most difficult time of their lives is considered an honor and blessing, and an opportunity for great spiritual growth. God asks that we not only pray for our parents but act with limitless compassion, remembering that when we were helpless children they preferred us to themselves. Mothers are particularly honored: the Prophet [PBUH] taught that ‘ Paradise lies at the feet of mothers.’ When they reach old age, Muslim parents are treated mercifully, with the same kindness and selflessness.

In Islam, serving one’s parents is a duty second only to prayer, and it is their right to expect it. It is considered despicable to express any irritation when, through no fault of their own, the old become difficult.
The Qur’an says: Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and be kind to parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, do not say ‘uff’ to them or chide them, but speak to them in terms of honor and kindness. Treat them with humility, and say, ‘My Lord! Have mercy on them, for they did care for me when I was little.’ [17:23-24]

How do Muslims view death?
Like Jews and Christians, Muslims believe that the present life is only a trial preparation for the next realm of existence. Basic articles of faith include the Day of Judgment, resurrection, Heaven, and Hell. When a Muslim dies, he or she is washed, usually by a family member, wrapped in a clean white cloth, and buried with a simple prayer preferably on the same day. Muslims consider this one of the final services they can do for their relatives, and an opportunity to remember their own brief existence here on earth. The Prophet [PBUH] taught that three things can continue to help a person even after death: a charity which he has given, knowledge which he had taught, and prayers on their behalf by a righteous child.

What does Islam say about war?
Like Christianity, Islam permits fighting in self-defense, in defense of religion, or on the part of those who have been expelled forcibly from their homes. It lays down strict rules of combat which include prohibitions against harming civilians and destroying crops, trees, and livestock. As Muslims see it, injustice would be triumphant in the world if good men were not prepared to risk their lives for a righteous cause. The Qur’an says:
Fight in the cause of God against those who fight you, but do not transgress limits. God does not love transgressors. [2:190]
If they seek peace, then seek you peace. And trust in God for He is the One that heareth and knoweth all things. [8:61]
War, therefore, is the last resort, and is subject to the rigorous conditions laid down by the sacred law. The term jihad literally means ‘struggle’, and Muslims believe that there are two kinds of jihad: The other ‘jihad’ is the inner struggle that everyone wages against egotistic desires, for the sake of attaining inner peace.

What about food?
Although much simpler than the dietary law followed by the Jews and the early Christians, the code that Muslims observe forbids the consumption of pig meat or any kind of intoxicating drink. The Prophet [PBUH] taught that ‘your body has rights over you’, and the consumption of wholesome food and the leading of a healthy lifestyle are seen as religious obligations.

The Prophet [pbuh] said: ‘Ask God for certainty [of faith] and well-being; for after certainty, no one is given any gift better than health!’

How does Islam guarantee human rights?
Freedom of conscience is laid down by the Qur’an itself: ‘There is no compulsion in religion.’ [2:256]
The life and property of all citizens in an Islamic state are considered sacred whether a person is Muslim or not.
Racism is incomprehensible to Muslims, for the Qur’an speaks of human equality in the following terms: O mankind! We created you from a single soul, male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, so that you may come to know one another. Truly, the most honored of you in God’s sight is the greatest of you in piety. God is All-Knowing, All-Aware. [49:13]

Rights Of The Husband Over The Wife

In this section, we will discuss the following rights of the husband over the wife or obligations of the wife toward her husband:

Being the Head of the Household

When one thinks of the rights of the husband, this is probably one of the first things which come to mind. However, a serious question must be asked: Is this a right of the husband or another right of the wife? Allah said: {Men are in charge of women by that with which Allah has preferred some of them over others and by that which they spend from their property. So the pious women are obedient protecting in absence that which Allah has protected…} An-Nisaa:34

The verse seems to present a great right of the husband over the wife. Upon deeper thought, it is clear that this verse actually points to the right of the wife and the obligation of the husband. The word “in charge of” in Arabic indicates also support, protection, and responsibility on the part of the husband for his wife. This does not just mean that he is the “boss” or the dictator in the house and whatever he says goes. Rather, it means that he has a heavy obligation to lead his family. Remember the hadith from the previous section, where in one version of the hadith about the “shepherds”, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) continues: “…until the man will be asked about the people in his household: did he establish among them the law of Allah or did he allow it to become lost?”

Like any kind of leader or ruler, he will be held accountable before Allah Most High: did he make the decision that is most befitting for his family in this life and the hereafter or did he simply follow his desires? Did he do what was just and right or simply do what he liked to do?

In Allah’s infinite wisdom, he did not leave the basic foundation of Islamic society – the family – without organization, leadership, and guidance. It is clear upon the husband’s shoulders and is his responsibility. It is upon him to fulfill that responsibility in the correct manner.

Likewise, Muslim women must learn to accept this situation and the ruling of Allah Most High. They should resist becoming like the disbelieving women, particularly in the “West”, who are trying to take over as head of the household or think that it should be shared equally between the two spouses. The rapid degeneration and disappearance of the institution of marriage since the spreading of this corrupt belief is the clearest proof of all that it is not only against Allah’s order and His plan for us but also against human nature and completely out of touch with reality and unworkable. I believe that the latest figures are that over HALF of the children in the U.S. are being raised in single-parent homes!

Women who follow the kuffar and their own desires in being jealous of the man’s role and trying to claim some or all of it for themselves should think about the hadith of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam): “Allah’s Messenger (SAS) cursed manly women.”

Again, like all rights and obligations in Islam (in marriage and other areas), it is important that BOTH parties understand them and exert their best efforts to apply them in a way that is pleasing to Allah Most High.

To Be Obeyed

As we saw in the verse from An-Nisaa quoted previously, it is the right of the husband that his wife obeys him. This obedience, however, does not include anything which is disobedience to Allah. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: “No obedience in what is sinful. Obedience is only in what is right.” Muslim & Bukhari

Two things are now clear:
1) a woman is obligated to obey her husband, and
2) no Muslim may obey anyone in what is disobedience to Allah.
Additionally, one strong opinion limits the required obedience of the wife to those duties described in this chapter. In other words, the husband should not seek to control every detail of her life, even in things that have no direct impact on his rights as her husband.

What happens if there is a conflict between obeying one’s husband and obeying one’s parents? Scholars have taken two opinions on this matter. One that obedience to the husband always takes precedence over obedience to parents. Others have taken the position that obedience to one’s parents takes precedence since Allah has described being undutiful to one’s parents as one of the greatest sins after associating partners with Allah.

First of all, it is clear that the obligation of every Muslim toward their parents is very great just as the obligation of a Muslim wife to respect and obey her husband is very great. Parents should be aware that they have entered their daughter into a contract that requires her to obey her husband. Likewise, husbands should be aware of the fact that their wives have a great obligation toward their parents. When these two come into conflict, someone is probably not acting properly.

When the two do come into conflict, it seems clear that the strongest opinion is that the rights of the husband take precedence over the rights of her parents, as in the following hadith from Aisha: “I asked the Prophet (SAS): Who has the greatest right over a woman? He (SAS) said: Her husband. I said: And who has the greatest right over a man? He (SAS) said: His mother.” (Al-Haakim – taken from Fiqh As-Sunnah

Physical Relations

It is the obligation of the wife to respond whenever her husband calls her to come to bed unless there is a strong reason why she cannot. Again, like in the issue of leadership, this is the way that Allah has given us to live which is best for us – since nothing we do or do not do cannot in any way harm or benefit Allah Most High. Thus, when women resist this and insist on being the ones who call the shots in this regard or that it is somehow 50/50, it is only the two of them who will suffer. It will lead to frustration, marital discord, and the husband’s desire to seek fulfillment of his needs elsewhere. If he ends up turning to the haram, then very great harm indeed has been inflicted upon society. This point is clear from many hadith, among them: “Whenever a man calls his wife for his desire, let her come to him even if she is occupied at the oven.” At-Tirmidhi (sahih)

Thus, a wife must be responsive to her husband even if that involves wasting of some wealth (by burning the bread). Because the social consequences of this breaking down are so serious, the danger to a woman who fails to respect it is very serious. The Prophet (SAS) said:  “Whenever a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses to come, the angels curse her until morning.” Al-Bukhari

Even extra acts of prayer and fasting must be curtailed if they interfere with a man’s desire for his wife’s company.

Control Over Who Enters the House

It is established from many hadith that the wife is not to allow anyone inside if she knows that her husband does not like for that person to be in the house (male or female). This is the second right of the husband over the wife, as the Prophet (SAS) mentioned in the hadith: “…And that she should not admit anyone to his house except with his permission…” Muslim & Bukhari

The permission referred to here does not have to be explicit for every individual. If the wife knows or has good reason to believe that her husband would not object to a particular individual, then she may allow them into the house.

That She Not Leave the House Without His Permission

The best place for a Muslim woman is in her house. When Allah addressed the wives of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and ordered them (and, by extension, all of the Muslim women) to remain primarily in their homes, he associated the desire of women to be “out” and to display themselves with the jahiliya (the age of foolishness): {And stay in your homes and do not display yourselves like the ways of the time of ignorance. And establish the prayer, pay the zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger…} Al-Ahzaab:33

The scholars of Tafseer state that, although the verse is explicitly directed at the wives of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam), the general principle applies to all Muslim women and wives in particular – that they should not leave the house except for a legitimate purpose such as going to the masjid, seeking knowledge, shopping for household needs, etc. and that if they are married, they may not do that except with their husband’s permission. This is a point of very wide agreement among the scholars, although there doesn’t seem to be any clear and sound hadith that states it. Although the following hadith VERY strongly indicates that this is the case: “If the wife of any of you seeks permission to go to the masjid, he may not prevent her.” Muslim & Bukhari

As with any right which a person may possess, this right should be used in the right fashion and not be misused such that it leads to harm and distress. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: “No inflicting of harm and no reciprocating of harm.” A contemporary author, Faihaan Al-Mutairi said about this:

“If a man disallows his wife from leaving the house, out of fear and honor for her, then he must not let her feel that she is a prisoner in the house and that she was only created to serve him and serve the children. Instead, he must choose a day out of the week, or less or more, according to the need and ability, to walk with his wife and children in a place that is free of temptations so that they may become happy in their hearts and out of fear of boredom. The one who studies Shari’a finds this aspect to be very clear, that is, the aspect of one sporting with his wife and trying to make her happy. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) went out with his wife, the Mother of the Believers, Aisha(R.A.), and raced with her. It is confirmed that Aisha said: “The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) raced with me and I beat him. After a while when I became heavier, he raced me and beat me and said: “This one is for that one.”

So those Muslims who expect their wives to stay in the house 24 hrs. per day and 7 days per week are not truly following the sunnah. Rather, they have invented an innovation that will only serve to drive women and children away from Islam.

Housework

The rights which have been stated so far are non-controversial and agreed upon among the scholars. The duty of the wife to take care of housework such as cooking, cleaning and generally serving her husband in the house is an issue about which there are different opinions. Definitely, this is and has always been the custom of the Muslims, all the way back to the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and his Companions. It is part of the ihsaan (good treatment) which should be exchanged between husband and wife. That is not quite the same, however, as saying that it is the husband’s right. If that is the case, then she would be committing a sin if she failed to fulfill it.

Clearly, the safe way is the way of all of the female Companions of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) who used to serve their husbands in this regard. If they had servants to help them, fine. If not, they used to handle the housework, cooking, and cleaning. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) himself, our best example in this regard, used to help his wives with these chores.

There are many scholars on both sides of this issue as to the obligatoriness of these services. The strongest argument they are in the following hadith of Husain ibn Muhsin that the Prophet (SAS) asked his aunt if she was married. When she answered in the affirmative, he said:

“How are you with respect to him?” She answered: ‘I do not fail in obeying him save in those things that I am incapable of doing.’ The Prophet (SAS) told her: “Look to how you are with respect to him for he is your paradise and your hell-fire.” Ahmad & others (acceptable according to Al-Albaani).

Al-Albaani states that this hadith is proof that a woman must serve her husband according to her ability, the first of such obligations is the bringing up of the children.

To Be Thanked for His Actions

Gratitude is one of the most important characteristics of a believer. A Muslim is grateful both to Allah for His infinite mercies and also to people who do well by him/her. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: “The most grateful people to Allah Blessed and High are the most thankful of them to others.” Ahmad

“Those who do not thank people do not thank Allah.” Abu Daud & others

Although it is an obligation of the husband to look after his wife, this does not mean that she should not be thankful to him for his kindness and his efforts in looking after her welfare and happiness. This is something fundamental that should exist between husband and wife. Each of them should acknowledge the efforts of the other, show them gratitude, and repay them in kindness. Allah said: {Is the reward for good deeds extended anything other than good deeds (returned)} Ar-Rahman:60

It would seem from various hadith that it is specifically necessary for the wife to remind herself of this principle. Perhaps since a large part of the husband’s contribution to the household takes place as working outside of the home, she may tend to overlook it. This seems to be a common characteristic of women as can be seen in the following hadith of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) after his night journey to see heaven, hell, and Jerusalem:

“…and I saw most of its inhabitants (i.e., hell-fire) women. They said: Why, O Messenger of Allah? He said: Because of their kufr. It was said: Their kufr toward Allah? He (SAS) said: Their kufr toward their mate and they commit kufr (ingratitude) of good deeds extended even if you extend good deeds to one of them forever but then she sees something from who (which she dislikes) she says: I have never seen any good from you.” Muslim & Bukhari

In another hadith, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) warns wives in a similar manner: “Allah does not look at a woman who does not thank her husband while she cannot do without him.” Al-Hakim (acceptable per Sh. Al-Albani)

She Does Not Fast (Voluntarily) Without His Permission

The Prophet (SAS) said: “It is not lawful for a woman to fast while her husband is resident except with his permission.” Muslim & Bukhari

Conclusion: The Importance of Fulfilling the Husband’s Rights

The Prophet (SAS) gave all-encompassing advice to Muslim women in the following hadith: “When any woman prays her five, fasts her month, guards her body and obeys her husband it is said to her: Enter paradise from whichever of its doors you wish.” Ibn Hibban (sahih per Al-Albani)

Rights Of The Wife Over The Husband In Islam

Dowry (Mahr)

This right of the wife has been discussed in some detail.  Allah said in the Qur’an: {And give women their dowries as a gift.  Then, if they are pleased to give some of it to you, consume it with good health and enjoyment.}  An-Nisaa:4

The payment of the dowry to the wife is an obligation and a debt upon the husband until he pays it and there is no escaping it unless the wife freely and willingly gives up her right to it.  In the past, and in many cases today, the father tries to take the mahr away from his daughter.  In the jahiliya, this was justified by saying that the father was merely recouping all the expenses he put forth for his daughter who is now a member of another family and benefits them.

Nowadays, it occurs often in this country that the husband tries to take back the dowry (if it is even paid in the first place) or make use of it in forms of spending that were obligatory upon HIM in the first place.  This is a lowly practice and is completely forbidden unless she explicitly allows it without any coercion or pressure.  Otherwise, it is HER property and she may dispose of it (or not) as she alone sees fit.

Support (Nafaqah)

Allah says: {…And upon the father is the mother’s sustenance and her clothing according to what is reasonable.  No person shall have a burden on him greater than he can bear…}  Al-Baqara:233

Her support is one of the most important rights of the wife over her husband.  Ibn Katheer commented that the above verse implies that he must provide for her without extravagance or the opposite, according to his ability and the standards set by his society at his time.  When the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) was asked by a man, “What is the right of our wives upon us?”, he (SAS) answered: “That he should feed her whenever he eats and clothe her whenever he clothes himself, that he did not hit her face, that he does not call her ugly and that he does not boycott her except within the house.”  Ibn Majah

A woman is even allowed to take from her husband’s property without his knowledge if he falls below this basic level of supporting her.  In a hadith recorded in Muslim and Bukhari, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) told Hind bint Utbah, after she complained that her husband, Abu Sufyan, was stingy and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his property without his knowledge: “Take was is sufficient for you and your child according to what is customary.”  Muslim & Bukhari

Support of one’s wife is one of the most important obligations of the husband.  It is one of the distinguishing aspects of “husbandhood”.  Allah said in the Qur’an: {Men are in charge of women because of what Allah has given to some more than others and because they support them from their property.}  An-Nisaa:34

If a husband does not support his wife, she has no obligation to fulfill her obligations to him.  If a woman goes to a judge and shows that her husband will not support her, the judge may immediately separate them according to numerous scholars.

The verse makes clear that the man is “in charge” and goes back to the two causes mentioned.  This means two things:

1) both men and women need to be aware of this right and this obligation and that the woman is under no obligation to stay in the marriage if she is not supported – regardless of his wealth and hers.

2) Muslim society must be organized in such a way that Muslim men are able to get the means to support a wife.

This second point is critical.  If society reaches a state where women are more able to earn a living than men, this will undermine the “in charge” status of many men in their households.  It will in fact undermine the Islamic household altogether.  This is what is happening in virtually every Muslim land today with the U.N. and other organizations giving primary attention to helping women to be economically viable and independent even when a large percentage of the men still cannot find the means to support a family.  (It is the same destruction they inflicted on families in the U.S. in the ’50s 60’s with the welfare system.)  The corrupting influence this will have on society as a whole cannot even begin to be described.

Women are absolutely ALLOWED in Islam to pursue business ventures (the Prophet’s first wife Khadija was a major businesswoman in Makka), employment, and other means of earning money.  They are, in fact, needed in various sectors such as women doctors and women teachers.  However, facilitating the ability of men to earn a living and support a family is the FIRST priority in an Islamic society.  All economic planning and social/economic programs must be in line with this principle.

Kind and Proper Treatment

Allah says: {…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner for, if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which Allah makes a source of abundant good.} An-Nisaa:19

Commenting on this verse, Ibn Katheer wrote: “That is, have a kind speech for them, deal with them with kind deeds and in a beautiful manner to the best of your ability.  In the way that you love them, behave in that way towards them.  As Allah has said, “They have rights similar to those upon them according to what is right” (Al-Baqarah:228).  The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: “The best of you is the best of you to his wives and I am the best of you to my wife.”  It was from his behavior that he would treat them in a beautiful fashion, with a smiling face.  He would sport with his wives, be gentle with them and spend generously upon them.  He would laugh with his wives and he even raced Aisha… Every night, he would gather his wives together in the house of the one with whom he (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) was going to spend the night and eat dinner with them on occasion… After he prayed the night prayer, he would enter his house and talk to his wife a little bit before sleeping, making them comforted thereby.  And Allah has said: {You have in the Messenger of Allah the best example.}”

Part of the problem is Muslims buying into the fantasy world being propagated in television, movies and other media.  The hadith about the rib makes it clear that it is rare to find a “perfect wife” and in the same manner, no woman should expect to find the “perfect husband”.  If one is living in some fantasy world, they are apt to be greatly disappointed with real life.

Physical Relations

In Sahih Ibn Hibban, the following was narrated: “The wife of ‘Uthman ibn Madh’oon complained to the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) that her husband had no need for women.  During the days he would fast and at night he would pray.  The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) asked him: “Am I not the best example for you to follow?”  He answered: “Certainly, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you.”  The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) then told him:  “As for you, you pray during the night, and you fast during the day.  Certainly, your wife has a right upon you and your body has a right upon you so pray and sleep and fast and break your fast.”

There are several similar incidents narrated where Companions of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) gave similar decisions in similar situations.  In one story which took place in the presence of Umar, the Companion who was judging told the husband that since Allah had given him the right to four wives and he had only one he could practice his praying and fasting three out of four nights, but that at least one in four had to be reserved for his wife.

Not to be Beaten

It is the right of the Muslim wife that she is not to be struck except in the case of nushooz (rebellion against the husband’s authority).  Even in that case, the husband is only allowed to “strike” her, but in a way that does no harm, similar to the proper disciplining of a child.  It is never lawful for him to strike her face or cause her any bruise or injury.  Allah says in the Qur’an: {…And (as for) those (women) from whom you anticipate rebellion, admonish them, avoid them in the sleeping place, and hit them.  If they obey you, do not desire any further way to (harm) them.  Surely, Allah is Knowing, Great.}  An-Nisaa:34

It is incomprehensible how so many translators have translated the word “wadhriboohunna” in the above verse as “beat them” or, even more laughable:  “beat them [lightly]”.  This is wrong, wrong, wrong.  It is an abomination that has caused much misunderstanding and opened the door to the enemies of Islam.  The word in Arabic means to “strike” or “hit”.  It includes everything from a tap with a tooth stick to what in English we call beating.  If it is stated that so-and-so “hit” so-and-so without further description, it would be assumed to be a single blow and it could be of any magnitude.

When the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) took a tiny stick and tapped one of the Muslims on the stomach to straighten the ranks in preparation for war, he “hit” him with this meaning.  Contrast this to the English phrase:  “beat them”.  The meaning is totally different.  If you took a shoelace and hit someone on the hand with it, you could properly say dharabtahu in Arabic but in English, you could never say that you had “beaten” that person.  Please get this straight and correct anyone you hear distorting the meaning of this verse in this way.

The verse mentions admonition, boycotting, and hitting in the case of nushooz.  This refers to a rebellion against the husband’s authority within the marriage which amounts to a breach of the marriage contract on her part.  Ibn Taimia said about this: “Nushooz in the verse: {…And (as for) those (women) from whom you anticipate rebellion (nushooz)…} means that she is recalcitrant to her husband and she is estranged to him inasmuch as she does not obey him when he calls her to bed, or she leaves the house without his permission and other similar things in which she is required to obey him.”

Many scholars have stated that the three steps must be taken sequentially, i.e, admonition then separation in sleeping, and finally hitting, making hitting a last resort only in extreme situations.  Thus the vast majority of what men do to their wives in spontaneous fits of rage often over trivial issues is absolutely haraam and not sanctioned by Islam in any way.  An-Nawawi said about his:

“At the first indication of disobedience to marital authority, a wife should be exhorted by her husband without his immediately breaking off relations with her.  When she manifests her disobedience by an act which, although isolated, leaves no doubt to her intentions, he should repeat his exhortations and confine her to the house but without striking her… Only when there are repeated acts of disobedience may a husband strike his wife.”

As we said, this can NEVER be a “beating”.  A husband is never allowed to strike his wife in any way which causes injury or leaves any kind of mark.  The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: ” “So beware of Allah regarding women for you have taken them as a trust from Allah and you have made their bodies lawful with the word of Allah.  You have the right over them that they should not allow anyone on your furnishings who you dislike.  If they do that, hit them in a way that causes no injury.  And, they have the right over you to provision and clothing according to custom.” Bukhari & Muslim

Privacy

It is actually the right of both spouses that the other not discuss their private moments with anyone else.  Note the following sahih hadith: “Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind them, covers themselves, and conceals themselves by Allah’s concealing?”  They said: “Yes.”  He then said: “Then he sits after that [with others] and says, ‘I did this and that.'”  They were silent.  He then turned to the women and said: “Do any of you talk about such things?”  They, too, were silent.  Then a young girl stood up on her toes so the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) could see her and hear her and she said: “O Messenger of Allah they [the men] certainly talk about that and they [the women] also talk about it.”  He (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said:  “Do you know what they are like?  They are like a female devil who met a male devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people looking on.”  Abu Daud (sahih)

Justice

If a man has more than one wife, he is required to do justice between them in terms of physical things (housing, clothing, food, etc.) and nights spent with each.  Allah said: {And you will not be able to effect justice between the women no matter how hard you try.  So do not incline [toward some] completely such that you leave [another] as if suspended.  And if you reform and fear Allah, surely Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.}  An-Nisaa:129

The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) indicated that there are forms of justice that are required just as there are forms of justice that are beyond human ability.  Those which are required are money, housing, clothing, and the like as well as nights spent with her.  Those beyond human ability are feelings of the heart and things like that.  He  (SAS) said: “O Allah, this is my division in what I control, so do not blame me regarding that which You control and I do not.”  Abu Daud (some graded it weak, others graded it, Hassan).

Also, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) warned of the dangers of not fulfilling justice where it is required between wives, saying: “Whoever has two wives and favors one of them will be resurrected on Qiyama with one of his sides hanging down.”  Abu Daud (sahih)

To Be Taught Her Religion

The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam): “All of you are shepherds and all of you will be asked about your wards.  The ruler is a shepherd and shall be asked about his wards.  The man is a shepherd of his family and will be asked about his ward.”  Bukhari

Knowledge in Islam is of two types:  1) that which is obligatory upon each and every Muslim and 2) that which must be learned by some among the Ummah.  Of the first type, it is obligatory for every Muslim woman to know her beliefs, how to pray, how to fast, as well as issues particular to women such as how to purify herself from her monthly course, etc.  She must also know her obligations toward her parents, her husband (and his obligations toward him), her children, her neighbors, etc. as well as her rights over each of those.

It is the obligation of the husband to make sure that she acquires all the knowledge that it is obligatory for her to acquire.  If this means that he has to spend money on books or tapes, then he must do so.  Scholars have emphasized the importance of this right of women to the extent that many of them have given her permission to leave the house to attend a lecture at the masjid even without her husband’s permission.

It is well-known that the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said that seeking knowledge is incumbent upon every Muslim male and female.  Allah said in the Qur’an: {O you who believe guard yourselves and your family members from a fire whose fuel are people and stones.  Over it are tough and fearsome angels.  They do not disobey Allah in any order they carry out that which they are ordered to do.}  At-Tahreem:6

Part of the meaning of this verse is that the husband/father (the “shepherd” of the household) must take all necessary means to ensure that all those under his guardianship (wives and children) have the opportunity and the means to acquire all the knowledge they need to worship Allah and live their lives as Allah has prescribed that we live our lives.  If he has fulfilled that, then he has fulfilled his obligation and will not be asked about the sins of his wife and children.  If he fails to fulfill this, then he himself will be asked about their sins and they are going astray based on HIS shortcomings in not fulfilling his obligations in this regard.

In another version of the hadith about the “shepherds”, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) continues: “…until the man will be asked about the people in his household:  did he establish among them the law of Allah or did he allow it to become lost?”

To Defend Her Honor

A man should be “jealous” with regard to his wife’s honor and standing.  He should defend her whenever she is slandered or spoken ill of behind her back.  Actually, this is a right of every Muslim in general but a right of the spouse specifically.  He should also be jealous in now allowing other men to look at his wife or speak with her in a manner that is not appropriate.  The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) mentioned in a sahih hadith that “Three will never enter paradise… ad-dayyooth.”  Ad-dayyooth (sometimes translated “henpecked”) is the weak husband who has no jealousy toward his wife and other men.

“Jealousy” in this sense means fervor for the boundaries of Allah and anger when they are transgressed.  The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: “Verily, Allah has jealousy and the believer has jealousy.  Allah’s jealousy is due to a believer committing that which He has forbidden him.”  Muslim

This does not mean, however, that a Muslim should go overboard on this point suspecting his wife at every turn and trying to spy on her.  This becomes Adh-dhann (suspicion) which the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) warned us about in the following hadith in Bukhari and Muslim:

10 Tips On How To Be A Successful Wife

Use your ‘Fitnah’ to win the heart of your husband

All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah has bestowed on you to win the heart of your husband.

When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting

Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, and a clean bedroom – what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him.

Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn and try to imitate them

The Qur’an and Sunnah describe the women in Jannah with specific characteristics. Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes to ‘enlarge’ them, and sing to your husband.

Always wear jewelry and dress up in the house

From the early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and worn pretty dresses – as described in the Qur’an. As a wife, continue to use your jewelry and pretty dresses for your husband.

Joke and play games with your husband

A man’s secret: they seek women who are light-hearted and have a sense of humor. As the Prophet (peace be upon him) told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh.

Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does

Then thank him again. This is one of the most essential techniques, as the opposite (ungratefulness) is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.

An argument is a fire in the house

Extinguish it with a simple ‘I’m sorry’ even if it is not your fault. When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you say sincerely, “Look, I’m sorry. Let’s be friends.”

Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught us that any woman who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her shall enter Paradise. So, please him.

Listen and obey!

Obeying your husband is obligatory! Your husband is the Ameer (head) of the household. Give him that right and respect.

Make Du’a to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful

All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah for the blessing of having a successful wedding that begins in this world and continues on – by the Mercy of Allah – into Paradise.

A Collection Of Quotes On The Rights Of The Parents

Ibn Abbas said: “There is not a single believer who has two parents and wakes up while he is good to them except that Allah opens up for him two gates to Paradise, and if he makes one of them angry, Allah will not be Pleased with him until that parent becomes pleased with him again.” It was asked: “Even if that parent was oppressive and in the wrong?” It was replied: “Yes, even that be so. And he never wakes up while he is bad to them except that Allah opens up for him two gates to Hell.”

As-Samarqandi said: “If Allah – the Exalted – had not mentioned the position and loftiness of the parents in His Book, and did not admonish regarding it, then it would have been realized by simple logic. So, it is obligatory for the one with logic and intelligence to realize their high status and to fulfill their rights. How is it, then, when Allah has mentioned this in all of His Books: the Torah, the Gospels, the Psalms, and the Qur’an, has commanded this in all of His Books, and revealed this to all of His Prophets and advised them regarding the honorable position of the parents and their rights, and has made His Pleasure dependent on their pleasure, and His Anger dependent on their anger?”

Farqad as-Sabakhi said: “I have read in many books that it is not for the son (or daughter) to speak in the presence of the parents except with their permission or to walk in front of them, or to their right or left unless they call him to walk next to them. Rather, he should walk behind them as a slave walks behind his master.”

A group of the Companions said: “To leave off praying for one’s parents results in a tight and constricted life for the son.”

With regard to the duties of parents, Abu Hafs Al-Iskandrani – one of the scholars of Uzbekistan – said that a man came to him and said: “My son hit me and hurt me!” The scholar said: “Glory be to Allah! A son hitting his father? Have you taught him manners and knowledge?” The man said: “No.” “Have you taught him the Qur’an?” The man replied: “No.” “So, what does he know how to do?” The man replied: “Farming.” “Do you know why he hit you?” The man replied: “No.” The scholar then said: “It might have been that when he woke up in the morning, he went to the fields, was riding on a donkey, had a stick between his hands, had a dog behind him, and did not have any knowledge of the Qur’an (because you failed to teach him any of it). So, he started singing, and you came out to him at that moment, and he thought you were a cow and hit you with the stick. So, thank Allah that your skull was not fractured.”

One of the early righteous people would not order his son. If he needed something, he would ask someone else for it. When he was asked about this, he said: “I fear that if I were to command my son with something that he wouldn’t be able to bear, he would not carry it out and would therefore be disobedient to me and would deserve Hell as a result, and I do not want to be the cause of my son burning in Hell.”

– As-Samarqandi, ‘Tambih Al-Ghafilin’, (p. 84-91)

Wooden Bowl When You Grow Old

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and a four-year-old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together nightly at the dinner table. But the elderly grandfather’s trembling hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult.

Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass often milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about grandfather,” said the son. I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.

There, grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner at the dinner table. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. Sometimes when the family glanced in grandfather’s direction, he had a tear in his eye as he ate alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up.”

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. Children are remarkably perceptive.

Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that everyday building blocks are being laid for the child’s future.

Let us all be wise builders and role models. Take care of yourself, and those you love, today, and every day!

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents…” (Qur’an, 29:8)

“And your Lord has decreed (commanded) that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents…” (Qur’an, 17:23)

“The Lord is pleased with the act of giving pleasure to the parents, and the Lord is angry with him who angers the parents.” (Saheeh Al-Jamee, no. 3500)

I’ll Never Beat A Slave Again

Let’s listen to this story narrated by Abu Mas’ood Al-Badri, a Companion of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): I was beating a slave of mine with a whip, then I heard a voice behind me saying, “Remember, Abu Mas’ood!” I did not recognize the voice because I was so angry, but when he drew close to me I saw that it was the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), and he was saying, “Remember, Abu Mas’ood; remember, Abu Mas’ood!” I threw the whip aside and he said, “Remember, Abu Mas’ood, that Allah has more power over you than you have over this slave.”

I said, “I will never beat another slave again.” And saying this, he set the slave free for the sake of Allah. At this, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “If you had not done so, you would have been touched by the Fire.” (Sahih Muslim)

My eyes were pricked with tears when I read this Hadith. No less marvelous than the soft, yet effective admonition of the Prophet (peace be upon him) is the soft-heartedness and sincerity of the Companion. Subhan Allah! He narrated this incident in spite of the fact that it showed him in a bad light so that future generations would record the teachings of the Prophet (peace be upon him), learn from his mistake, and remember to be mindful of their Lord in similar situations.
Yet, little do we remember!

Horrific incidents of the physical abuse of maids surface with depressing regularity in national newspapers and are featured in the international media, evoking widespread outrage and dismay, and in certain cases, play right into the hands of biased media outlets trying to tar Islam and Muslims with the brush of ‘barbarism’.

The fact is, the Prophet (peace be upon him) not only taught us to honor the rights of servants through the verses of the Qur’an and his personal actions and words during his lifetime, he strenuously urged Muslims to do so even with his last breath! He emphasized the kind treatment of servants to such an extent that it is reported by Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) that the last words spoken by the Prophet at the time of his death were, “The prayer! The prayer! Fear Allah concerning your slaves and servants!” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad Al-Bukhari)

The early Muslims took these words to heart and followed them to a T. Thus, we have records like that of Al-Ma’roor Bin Suwayd, who said, “I saw Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) wearing a hullah (a suit of two garments) and his slave was wearing something similar. I asked him about that and he said that he had insulted a man in the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) by saying disparaging words about his mother. The man went to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and told him about that, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “You are a man who still has something of Jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic period of Ignorance) in you. They are your brothers and servants whom Allah has placed under your authority. Anyone who has his brother under his authority, let him feed him the same food as he eats and dresses him in the same clothes as he wears, do not overwhelm them with work and if you give them work to do, then help them with it.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

In his exegesis in the book ‘Fath Al-Bari’, Al-Hafiz ibn Hajar said, “This Hadith shows that it is forbidden to insult slaves or speak disparagingly of those who bore them. We are enjoined to treat them well and be kind to them. Although it speaks of slaves, this includes employees and other workers. It also shows that we should not feel superior to another Muslim or look down on him.”
Yet, little do we remember!

Similarly, the successors of the early Muslims were mindful of these rights. There is an account of the righteous Caliph Umar Bin Abdul Aziz who was attended to by a slave, who fanned him as he slept. After a while, the slave was overcome by sleep and dozed off. When the Caliph awoke and realized that she was sleeping, he took the fan from her hand and fanned her so she would feel cool. When she awoke, she saw that he had the fan and was taken aback and expressed surprise at his action. He said, “You are a human-like me, and the heat affects you just as it affects me.”

Another of the early Muslims once became severely angry with his slave and was about to punish him when the slave said, quoting a verse from the Qur’an: “[Allah has praised] those who repress their anger.” The man said: “I have repressed my anger.” The slave said: “[Allah has praised] those who pardon others.” The man said, “I have pardoned you.” The servant said, “Allah loves those who do Ihsan (excellent deeds).” Thereupon the man said, “You can go now, you are free for the sake of Allah.”

It is a sorry reflection of the state of our faith and the hardness of our hearts that in spite of regularly receiving admonitions in this regard, and even warnings of the awful retribution of neglecting these obligations, we continue unabated. Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Allah says: ‘There are three whose opponent I will be on the Day of Resurrection: a man who makes a promise in My name then breaks his word, a man who sells a free man and consumes his price, and a man who employs another and benefits from him (his labor), then does not give him his wages.’”
(Al-Bukhari)

Yet, little do we remember!

Food and dress similar to what one wears, payment of agreed-upon wages before “the sweat of his efforts dries” , not being taxed with work beyond capacity and most of all – forgiveness and leniency with their mistakes and kind treatment – are the fundamental rights of servants in Islam, enjoined upon the Muslims in numerous well-known narrations of the Prophet.

. “Food and dress are the right of the slave and he should not be assigned to the task which may be beyond his capacity.”

. “They are your brothers (the slaves and servants). Allah has placed them under your authority. So he who has a brother under him should feed him and clothe him as he himself does, and should not take from him any work that is beyond his power. If he does tell him to do such work then he should also join in it – (and help him).”

. “When your slave or servant prepares food for you and lays it for you – while he has suffered the inconvenience of heat and smoke when cooking – you should ask him to sit down and share the meal. If the food is in a small quantity (and cannot suffice) at least give him a morsel or two therefrom (at least a little).”

. Once a person came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and asked, “O Prophet of Allah! To what extent should we forgive the mistakes and faults of our slaves and servants?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) remained silent whereupon the man repeated this question. The Prophet (peace be upon him) again remained silent and when the man asked for the third time, he replied “Seventy times a day.”

. “Whoever beats a slave or servant unjustly, revenge will be taken from him on the Day of Judgment.”

When we send salutations upon the Prophet (peace be upon him), we testify that he conveyed the message, fulfilled the trust, advised the Ummah (Muslim nation) sincerely, and strove in (the religion of) Allah as much as is due.
Now, the onus is on us to follow suit.

– By Rahla KhanI

What Islam Says About Prisoners

To make the matter easier to understand and to make the rulings more clear, the scholars divided the subject matter into two parts: the rulings pertaining to the personal health of prisoners, and the rulings pertaining to health care in the place that is used as a prison.

On Health Of Prisoners
1. The jurists discussed the matter of imprisoning a person who is sick in the first place. Do the authorities have the right to imprison a sick person? The answer is that this is a matter of ijtihad (legal reasoning), and the final decision rests with the judge who must weigh up the reason why this person is to be imprisoned, the seriousness of his disease, and the possibility of taking care of him in jail. If sufficient health care is available for this sick person in prison, and he is not suffering a serious illness that could kill him if he is detained, it is permissible to imprison him. If such care is not available, the judge may hand him over to someone who can treat him and guard him, without releasing him completely, until it is possible to imprison him again.

2. If a prisoner becomes sick while in jail and it is possible to treat him there, then he must be treated without bringing him out. Doctors and servants should not be prevented from going in to see him, treat him and serve him. If lack of treatment might cause death, criminal charges are to be laid against those who were the cause of that, and they are to be punished. The Prophet (peace be upon him) passed by a prisoner who was in chains, and he called out, “O Muhammad, O Muhammad!” He came to him and said, “What is the matter?” He said, “I am hungry, feed me. I am thirsty, give me water.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) commanded that his needs should be met. (Narrated by Muslim). And no doubt medical treatment is what the sick person needs.

But if it is not possible to treat him inside the prison, he must be taken out to a place where it is possible to treat him, under the supervision of the jail personnel or whoever is delegated to the task of watching and guarding him.

With regard to these rulings, the jurists do not differentiate between physical illness and psychological illness (true psychological illness, that is, as opposed to the made-up psychological illness or the regular psychological illness which many lawyers use as a means of getting criminals to let off). Hence the jurists stated that it is not permissible to lock the door on the prisoner – so long as there is the certainty that he will not run away – or to put him in a dark room, or to harm him in any way or to do anything that will make him terrified. His relatives should not be prevented from visiting him, because this will have an effect on his health and psychology.

3. It is prescribed for the authorities or their representative to set up a special medical wing in the prison to take care of the prisoners’ health needs. This will spare them the need to take them out to public hospitals and expose them to possible insult and humiliation.

4. Prisoners should be allowed to see their spouses and to have intimate relations with them, if there is a suitable place for that in the jail, as a protection for them and their spouses.

5. The jurists stated that it is obligatory to enable prisoners to do ablution and purify themselves, which is undoubtedly an important protective precaution against sickness.

Rulings
The place that is used as a prison should be spacious, clean, well-ventilated, lit by natural sunlight, and furnished with the necessary facilities such as washrooms, etc. It is not permissible to gather such a large number of prisoners in one place that they will not be able to do ablution and pray.

Dealing With Prisoners
1. Mutilating. It is not permitted to punish a prisoner by cutting off any part of his body or breaking any of his bones. The Prophet (peace be upon him) forbade mutilation of prisoners of war and said, “Do not mutilate.” (Narrated by Muslim).

2. Hitting the face, et cetera. This is prohibited because of the humiliation involved. By the same token, it is not permitted to put chains on prisoners’ necks or to lay them on the ground to whip them, even if this is the hadd (Islamic punishment) prescribed for them because this involves humiliation and harms their health and bodies.

3. Punishment by fire, strangulation, or holding a prisoner’s head underwater. The exception is in cases of qisaas (retaliation) and where the punishment needs to fit the crime. For example, if a person has committed aggression against another by burning him, it is permissible to exact retribution against him in the same manner.

4. Starving prisoners or exposing them to cold, or feeding them harmful things, or preventing them from wearing clothes. If a prisoner dies because of such things, his jailer may be executed in retribution (qisaas) or be required to pay diyah (blood money).

5. Removing prisoners’ clothing. This is prohibited because it uncovers their awrah (private parts) and exposes them to physical and psychological illness.

6. Preventing them from relieving themselves, doing ablution, and praying. It is obvious that this is harmful to the prisoners’ health.

Examples
The Hadith mentioned above shows how the Prophet (peace be upon him) issued commands that prisoners should be cared for and their needs for food and drink met. The Prophet (peace be upon him) often used to hand prisoners over to his Companions and urge them to treat them well.

The Rightly-Guided Caliph `Ali ibn Abi Talib (Allah be pleased with him) used to inspect the prisons, meet the prisoners in them, and inquire about their circumstances.

Umar Ibn Abdul Aziz, the fifth Rightly-Guided Caliph, used to write to his employees, telling them to see how the prisoners were and to take care of the sick among them.

Caliph Al-Mu`tadid allocated 1500 dinars of the monthly budget to be spent on the needs and medical treatment of prisoners.

When the Abbasid Caliph Al-Muqtadir imprisoned one of his ministers, Ibn Muqlah, and the minister got sick the caliph sent for the famous doctor Thabit ibn Sinan ibn Thabit ibn Qurrah to treat him in jail, and he urged him to treat him well. The doctor used to feed him with his own hand and treated him very kindly.

At the time of the Caliph Al-Muqtadir, the minister Ali ibn Isa Al-Jarrah wrote to the head of the hospitals of Iraq at that time: “I have been thinking, may Allah grant you long life, about those who are in prison. With their large numbers and rough accommodation, they are not free from disease. They are prevented from doing things that will benefit them and meeting with doctors whom they can consult about the diseases they are exposed to. So you have to appoint doctors for them who will go in and see them every day and take with their medicine and drinks, and who will go around to all the jails and treat the sick in them and prescribe medicine for them.” This care lasted throughout the reign of Al-Muqtadir, Al-Qahir, Al-Radi and Al-Muttaqi.”