Dealing With A Child Who Gets Angry Quickly
What is Anger?
Anger is a natural emotion. Its nature’s way of telling us that something in our lives has gone haywire. Anger occurs as a defensive response to a perceived attack or threat to our well-being.
In addition to psychological changes, like any emotion, anger is accompanied by physiological changes.
When you get angry your adrenaline flows, your heart rate increases, and your blood pressure escalate. The phrase, “I am so mad my blood is boiling” isn’t that far from true when you fly into a rage!
Domestic abuse, road rage, workplace violence, divorce, and addictions are a few of the external examples of the results of poor anger management.
Moreover, anger can lead to physical problems when not properly managed.
Long-term anger has been linked to chronic headaches, sleep disorders, digestive problems, high blood pressure, and even heart attack.
The Sequence of Anger
Anger is usually “triggered” by an occurrence, like stubbing your toe on an inanimate object or by something that someone says.
Next, you think something like “what did I do to deserve that”. However, at this point, emotion takes over your mind and the “pain” of the situation leads you to believe the answer to your question is “Nothing. I didn’t deserve that at all!”
Feelings of hurt and betrayal further try to override logic and you’re ready to act on your anger by either suppressing it or expressing it.
Means of dealing with anger include the following :
· Seeking refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaytaan.
· Keeping quiet.
· Calming down; if you are standing, you should sit down; if you are sitting, you should lie down.
· Remembering the reward for restraining anger, as it says in the Saheeh hadeeth: “Do not get angry and Paradise will be yours.”
· Understanding the high status of one who controls himself, as it says in the Saheeh hadeeth: “Whoever restrains his anger, Allah will cover his faults. Whoever controls his fury – even if he is able to show it – Allah will fill his heart with hope on the Day of Resurrection.” (Classed as Hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 906).
· Learning what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) teachings concerning anger.
· Knowing that controlling anger is one of the signs of piety, as it says in the hadeeth quoted above.
· Paying attention when reminded, controlling oneself, and following advice.
· Knowing the bad effects of anger.
· Thinking about how one is affected at the moment of anger.
· Praying that Allah will remove this resentment from one’s heart.
There follows a lovely story which will help you to deal with the child whose problem you mention:
There was a boy who was always losing his temper. His father gave him a bag full of nails and said to him, “My son, I want you to hammer a nail into our garden fence every time you need to direct your anger against something and you lose your temper.”
So the son started to follow his father’s advice. On the first day he hammered in 37 nails, but getting the nails into the fence was not easy, so he started trying to control himself when he got angry.
As the days went by, he was hammering in fewer nails, and within weeks he was able to control himself and was able to refrain from getting angry and from hammering nails. He came to his father and told him what he had achieved. His father was happy with his efforts and said to him: “But now, my son, you have to take out a nail for every day that you do not get angry.”
The son started to take out the nails for each day that he did not get angry until there were no nails left in the fence.
He came to his father and told him what he had achieved. His father took him to the fence and said, “My son, you have done well, but look at these holes in the fence. This fence will never be the same again.” Then he added: “When you say things in a state of anger, they leave marks like these holes on the hearts of others. You can stab a person and withdraw the knife but it doesn’t matter how many times you say ‘I’m sorry,’ because the wound will remain.