As the days come closer to one’s marriage, excitement, ecstasy, and elation pump through the bride and groom. The build-up to marriage is an experience of thrill and jubilation. When the marriage is solemnized, one’s happiness and delight is on the verge of brimming and tipping over. When the newlywed couple meets for the first time, words cannot describe the sweetness, bliss, serenity, pleasure, and elation experienced by the two.

If every day of the marriage mirrors the first day of marriage, and every night reflects the first night of marriage, then the marriage will be a euphoric experience in this world.

The first couple of months are always a “honeymoon”. Once the couple settles down, then reality begins. Many couples fail at this point. The husband gets engrossed in his job. He comes home tired and late, feeling hungry and tired. He demands food and feels too lazy to do anything. He eats, puts the dirty plates in the sink, and lies down on the sofa. He might awaken to perform salah if he is conscious of salah. Otherwise, he wakes up later on towards the night, phones a few friends, watches TV, and keeps ordering the wife to get him x and y. When it is time to sleep, the husband, if he is feeling in a good mood, will have relations with his wife-but only to satisfy his needs. Once he is fulfilled, he stops and drops off to sleep. Whether the wife is satisfied or not does not even cross his mind. This becomes the routine of his life.

The wife, on the other hand, initially tries to please her husband. She slowly loses her enthusiasm as she does not receive enough attention from her husband. She cooks to please her husband. She will put effort into her food. She will try and perfect every detail in the food. The presentation, ingredients, and spices are put meticulously so they complement each other. After a while, she begins to tire from this as her husband does not comment or criticize her food. As soon as the husband goes to work, she is on the phone with her associates. She cooks, watches TV, cleans the house, and enjoys her day before her husband comes home. Once the husband comes, she becomes a slave again.

This style of marriage, where there is no affection shown, no real emotion transmitted from one party to the other, is heading towards destruction.

The husband needs to implement the romance that the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam displayed. We consider Romeo to be romantic but not the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. If I were to say the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was the most romantic individual, I would not be lying. Looking attentively at the biography of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam, you will find that he was extending a great deal of respect to his wives and was displaying high attention, care, and love toward them.

He was the best example of ideal manners toward his wife. He was comforting for his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going on picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them, and was very happy with such love.

The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically, and spiritually. Here are some attractive examples and points we need to adopt to achieve a marriage of romance:

1) Know their feelings
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was telling Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha: “I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied, “How do you know that?” He said: When you are pleased with me, you swear by saying ‘By the God of Mohammad’, but when you are angry, you swear by saying ‘By the God of Ibrahim’. She said: You are right, I don’t mention your name.”

The husband and wife should be aware of each other’s feelings. The husband should be able to gauge when his wife is upset or sad; likewise, the wife should be able to read her husband’s behaviour. Being conscious of one another’s feelings will help in resolving any differences. When your spouse is down or upset, be there to console him/her. Sit with them, speak with them, listen to them. Try and make them smile. If the husband is always conscious of his wife’s feelings, and the wife is always conscious of the husband’s feelings, then this will assist greatly in keeping the flicker alight.

2) Console her
Sayyidah Safiyah radiallahu anha was on a journey with the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. She was late, so the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam received her while she was crying. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam wiped her tears with his own hands and tried his utmost to calm her down.

This is another feature a marriage must have. Each spouse has to be there for the other in the good and bad times. The wife should find comfort and solace in the husband, and the husband should find warmth and love in his wife. Be gentle with one another.