Raising Children In Islam
Islam believes that the family is the cornerstone of the Muslin society and the cause of its continuity. This is why Islam has shown so much concern to preserve the solidarity of the family unit. Raising children properly is one of the reasons that help to create a sound society based on ethics and decorum. This task has become very hard in the last three or four decades after children became addicted to watching T.V, video games and finally the internet that swallows children’s time and captures their attention. Parent’s role is to attract their children’s attention to teach them good manners.
One of the mistakes that some parents commit is that they deal with their children as stupid beings that should be spoon-fed or filled with information. They are intelligent beings and parents have to appreciated and respect this fact in order to be able to approach them correctly.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stresses in more than one Hadith the importance of the role of parents in bringing up their children properly. He asks parents to pay attention to the age of their children when deciding to choose the best way to deal with them: at a certain age it is important to be strict with them, but when they become teenagers, it is of prime importance to befriend them to be able to approach their world.
Some parents believe that toughness is the best way to raise their children which is totally wrong. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to share the fun and light moments with his grandchildren making them enjoy their time with him.
The final advice that can be given in this respect is a Qur’anic one,” Let those (disposing of an estate) have the same fear in their minds as they would have for their own if they had left a helpless family behind: Let them fear Allah, and speak words of appropriate (comfort).” (Qur’an, 4:9)
One important fact that has to be stressed in this respect is that the father’s role is as important as that of the mother because some parents believe that their role consists of earning money and providing the basic necessities of life to their family.
They believe that it is the mother’s business to raise children, but this is not true at all. Islam addresses both parents as being responsible for bringing up their children and teaching them the noble values of Islam.
Subtle Secrets In Our Prayers
Not many of us realize the subtle and hidden secrets that lie behind our movements in Salah (prayer). Some of us may even rush through it without giving much thought to the hidden intricacies and the hidden beauty. How many people stand in Salah but their mind does not stand focused? How many people bow down but their inner soul refuses to bow? How many people prostrate but their heart fails to do so? And how many people pray but a prayer has not been written for them? Ibn Al-Qayyim gives a beautiful description of prayer in his book Asrar Al-Salat. An excerpt of which follows:
It has been prescribed for the servant to extol and praise his Lord as he is rising up from Rukoo’ (i.e. bowing in prayer). So he exalts and praises his Lord because Allah has guided him to attain this humbleness which others have been prevented from attaining. He is returned to a state of uprightness, standing up to be in his Lord’s service. He stands in front of Him just as he stood in front of Him during recitation (when reciting Al-Fatihah), and for that reason it is prescribed that he praises and exalts Him just like he praised and exalted Him during the recitation.
There is a special meaning to this rising: It is a state that reaches and penetrates the heart. It is for this reason that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to prolong this standing (after the Rukoo’) just as he prolonged the Rukoo’ and Sajdah (prostration). He would praise and exalt Allah much therein.
In the night prayer, the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to repeatedly say during this standing after the Rukoo’, “For my Lord is all Praise, for my Lord is all Praise.” (Abu Dawood and Nasa’i)
Repetition
It has been prescribed for the servant to repeat these actions and words (i.e. repeat recitation of Al-Fatihah, Tasbeeh in Rukoo’, Sajdah etc), as it is a source of nourishment for the heart and soul. There is no strength in them (the heart and soul) except by this. Repeating it is just like repeatedly eating food – mouthful after mouthful until a person eats his fill, and drinking again and again until his thirst is quenched. If a hungry person only took one mouthful of food and then pushed his food away, what will that mouthful do for him? In fact, it may even cause him to become hungrier!
For this reason, one of the Salaf said: “A person who prays but does not find tranquility in his prayer is like a person who is hungry, then food is brought to him but he only takes one or two handfuls. What will it then do for him?”
Umm Salamah – A Woman Of Character
Umm Salamah, a widow, was a woman who combined beauty with character, noble birth and a wealth of experience. Her deceased husband was one of the early converts to the new faith when Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) began preaching his message in secret. Being a woman of sagacious mind, she joined him in declaring her belief in Islam, realizing that idolatry is an absurdity, which defies human logic. Her father was a man who earned great honor in his own right. He was given the nickname Zad Al-Rakb, which means the “provider for all travelers.” When he went on a trip, he would not allow anyone who joined his caravan to take any food with him. He provided all the food necessary for them all. His generosity and hospitality was of the highest order.
Such a woman would not stay unmarried for long. The fact that she had four children, one of them was still newly born, was no hindrance in the Arabian society, which accepted polygamy as normal. Hence, when her waiting period of four months and ten days was over, a succession of suitors sent their proposals. These included Abu Bakr and Umar, but Umm Salamah, or Hind, to use her original name, politely and gently rejected them all. She had lost a husband of great character, whom she dearly loved.
She reports that her husband had told her of a Hadith he heard the Prophet stating: “Whoever meets a misfortune should resort to what God has ordered in such cases, saying, ‘We all belong to God and to Him we all return. My Lord! Grant me support in my misfortune and compensate me with something better.’ If he does so, God will certainly give him support and is sure to give him better compensation.” Continuing her report, she said: “When my husband died, I frequently said this prayer. Then I thought who could be better for me than Abu Salamah? Yet I hoped that God would give me support to bear my loss.” (Related by Muslim).
A different report mentions that before his death, her husband said this prayer: “My Lord! When I have died, give Umm Salamah a man who is better than me, who would take care of her and give her nothing to upset her or cause her grief.” When her husband died she wondered who could be better than him.
Yet this is exactly what happened to Hind bint Abu Umayyah ibn Al-Mugheerah, who is better known as Umm Salamah. After rejecting a succession of suitors, she received an offer of marriage no Muslim woman could refuse. It was the Prophet who wanted her to join his household as a new wife. Recognizing the great honor such a marriage would give her, she was delighted. Yet at the same time she felt reluctant. She sent him word saying: “I am too jealous, and old, and I am mother of several children.” It was an answer that meant no refusal, but provided grounds for the Prophet not to proceed with his proposal. The Prophet sent her a kind reply saying: “God may take away your jealousy. As for your age, I am older than you. And you may entrust your children to God and His messenger.”
Who could take better care of any widow’s children than God? Who could be a better stepfather than God’s messenger? Hence, the marriage was soon celebrated and Umm Salamah realized that God had compensated her with a husband who was much better than her first husband, great indeed as Abu Salamah was.
– By Adil Salahi
Ashk-e-Nadamat
Tomorrow Will Surely Be Better Than Today
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said : “Nations are about to scheme against you in the same way as greedy eaters vie with one another on the dining-table.” One of the Companions (Allah be pleased with them all) asked: “O Messenger of Allah! Will that relate to being few in numbers?” The Prophet said: “No, but your huge number will be of little effectiveness, and (Allah) will cast Al-Wahan in your hearts.” They said: “O Messenger of Allah, what does Al-Wahan mean?” He said, “Your hearts are strongly attached to life luxuries and you feel strong aversion to death.” (Reported by Ahmad and Abu-Dawud)
The above-mentioned Hadith is considered one of the miracles with which the Prophet (peace be upon him) was blessed with. The Hadith refers to what will happen when the end of this world is near. In other words, it shows the extent of the moral decay that will affect the Muslim Ummah, and will encourage its enemies to terrorize it, especially after neglecting Allah’s Commands and their ignoring His Prophet’s teachings
The miracles that Allah Almighty has granted His Prophets (peace be upon them all) to help in delivering their messages are not only rules and regulations from which the Muslim Ummah can seek guidance regarding what is lawful and what is prohibited; rather, they serve as a means of encouraging the Muslim to bear the sufferings and tribulations of life with patience and fortitude, keeping in mind that Allah will never forsake him.
The words of the Hadith show that the state of weakness facing the Muslim Ummah nowadays is transitory. Some scholars claim that the doom is approaching and that the darkness looms large and there are troubles on the horizon. Actually, such premonitions bring benefits to none and make things get worse. This leads to the belief that there is no hope for a change or reform and that the coming days carry nothing but bad events. This is, in fact, a very wrong way of thinking and it is plainly a pessimistic approach to life. Muslims are to stick their mind to many glad tidings of the coming victory of Islam, and they should have faith in Allah that the coming days will be more bright and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Thus, it is necessary for Muslims to derive from the following glad tidings glimpse of light to fill their hearts with and let despair vanish and fade away. Here are some of the glad tidings mentioned in the Qur’an:
1) Almighty Allah says: It is He who hath sent His Messenger (Muhammad, peace be upon him) with guidance and the Religion of Truth (Islam), to make superior over all religions even though the Mushrikun (polytheists, disbelievers) hate (it). (At-Tawbah, 9:33)
2) Almighty Allah also says: They intend to put out the Light of Allah with their mouths. But Allah will bring His Light to perfection even though the disbelievers hate (it). (As-Saff, 61:8)
The Palaces And Tents Of Paradise
Allah (swt) will build good and beautiful dwellings for the people of Paradise:
“and beautiful mansions in Gardens of everlasting bliss” [9:72]
In some places in the Qur’an, Allah (swt) described these dwellings as ghurafaat [chambers or dwellings]:
“and they will reside in the high dwellings [Paradise] in peace and security.” [34:37]
The reward for the slaves of the all-Merciful will be:
“Those will be rewarded with the highest place [in Paradise] because of their patience. Therein they shall be met with greetings and the word of peace and respect” [25:75]
Allah (swt) described these Ghurafaat:
“But for those who fear Allah and keep their duty to their Rabb [Allah], for them are built lofty rooms, one above the other, under which rivers flow. [This is] the Promise of Allah, and Allah does not fail in [His] Promise.” [39:20]
Ibn Katheer said: “Allah has told us about His blessed slaves who will have rooms [or dwellings] in Paradise: these will be lofty palaces, “lofty rooms, one above another – story upon story, well-constructed, strong and decorated. The Prophet (saw) described these palaces to us. According to a hadith narrated by Ahmad, and Ibn Hibbaan from Abu Maalik al-Ash’ari and by at-Tirmidhi from ‘Ali (ra) the Prophet (saw) said:
“In Paradise there are dwellings whose inside can be seen from the outside, and the outside can be seen from inside. Allah [swt] has prepared them for those who feed the hungry, and speak softly and gently, fast continuously and pray at night whilst the people are asleep.” [Saheeh al-Jaami’ as-Sagheer, 2/220, no. 2119]
Allah (swt) has told us that there are tents or pavilions in Paradise:
“Houris [beautiful, fair females] restrained in pavilions” [55:72]
Prophet Muhammad : Exemplary Care For Little Children
The treatment of the Prophet (peace be upon him) of little children set an example.
He was very caring. In a society which allowed daughters to be buried alive by their parents, for fear of poverty, and which saw nothing wrong with abducting young children to sell them as slaves, the Prophet’s kind treatment of young girls and boys seemed to come from a different world altogether.
It is well documented that the Prophet carried Umamah, his granddaughter, when he was leading the congregational prayer. When he prostrated himself, putting his forehead on the floor, as we are required to do in prayer, he would put her next to him on the floor. Then when he stood up for the next rak’ah, he lifted her and carried her. His action represented a great departure from how his Arabian society used to treat young children. A visitor to Madinah saw him kissing his grandson. He was amazed at his action.
He said: “Do you kiss a child? I have 10 children, and I never kissed one of them.”
The Prophet said to him: “How can I help it if God has removed mercy from your heart?”
His answer pinpoints a very subtle aspect of human nature. It did not refer to the natural love a father feels toward his own children. It directs the man’s attention to the quality of mercy, which expresses itself first and foremost in the treatment of children.
The Prophet was the head of a small state that was besieged by enemies, some of whom were very close to Madinah. The Jewish tribes were only a few kilometers away, and they collaborated with a number of hypocrites who lived in Madinah, pretended to be Muslim but were keen to undermine Islam in every possible way.
The Quraysh, the most powerful Arabian tribe, which had forced him and his companions to emigrate from Makkah, were attempting to crush the new Muslim state in Madinah. Yet despite all the pressures this placed on him, in addition to the heavy task of delivering God’s message and molding the new Muslim community according to Islamic principles, the Prophet found time to play with his grandchildren and ensure that they were happy. He would go to Fatimah, his youngest daughter, and take one or both her sons to play with.
One day the Prophet was leading the congregational prayer in the mosque in Madinah when he prostrated himself for a very long while. His companions praying with him felt that the sujud, or prostration, was unduly long. As they could not lift their heads to find out, they worried that something wrong might have happened to the Prophet.
However, the Prophet then lifted his head and said Allah-u- Akbar, to indicate the next movement. When the prayer was over they asked him why the prostration was too long. They said that they were worried lest something might have happened to him. He said: “There was nothing wrong. It was only that my son was on my back and I did not wish to disturb him.”
Let us look carefully at this and think how the Prophet did not wish to disturb a young child who sat on his back. The child must have been no more than three or four years old and the Prophet would allow him to detain the whole congregation in a particular position until the child decided to come down. That tells us much.
Badtreen Gunnah
Clashes Among Family Members
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) says: “The Muslim man after Islam, didn’t achieve any extra advantage over his wife; a wife who when her husband looks upon her feels cheerful, follows her husband’s instructions and in his absence, protects her chastity and her husband’s property.” The family has always been one of the most valuable institutions of the society. In the foundation of social life, the family has been the focal point, putting aside the responsibilities related to the giving birth to and rearing of children which results in the continuation and perpetuity of mankind. Other responsibilities for example, the training and endorsing of societal awareness of an individual are also included. Family is a time-tested system which gives the individual a sense of belonging and being. This family system belongs to that group of systems, which have remained existent throughout history, and there are two main reasons for this:
1) The family environment secures the basic needs of a society and shoulders the responsibility of making individuals socially aware
2) The family is a strong and influential center, which brings about the feeling of closeness and emotional support in individuals. The family is also a medium, which plays an important role in the transfer of values, customs, and cultural heritage of the society.
Family disorders have many aspects, which may eventually lead to separation or divorce. One of the basic reasons for divorce is unwarranted expectations, which the two parties have of one another. These expectations are related to the status of the two parties ( i.e. husband and wife) in the society, sexual relations, physical health, financial security and the role that both the man and woman plays in the marriage.
At the same time, it should be mentioned here that the above expectations may be very influential in the strengthening of the family foundation. For example, in the present society, it can be seen that before marriage the couple believes that as long as their love for one another doesn’t decrease, nothing can break the bond that exists between them. But after the marriage, they quickly come to the realization that the love that was abundant in their marriage, has lost some of its luster, or disappeared completely and in order to solve their family problems, they are forced to use more practical methods.
In the same way, children whose parents are not happy in their marriages but remain living together, become affected by the family disputes, which are a result of the relationship of the parents