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Muslim Spouse Selection

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well-educated young man, whose parents emphasized for him to get married. They had seen many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected he might have someone else in mind.

However every time the parents left the girls’ house, the young man would always say “She’s not the one!” The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (Which was hard to find). However one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious and practicing.

On that evening, the young man and girl were left to talk and ask each other questions (as one would expect). The young man, being a gentleman, he was allowed, the young lady to ask first.

The young girl asked the young man so many questions. She asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his time pass, his experiences, his shoe size, and his likes and dislikes. Everything! And the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring and politely with a smile. The young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad and asked the young man do you have any questions?

The young man said, yes, I only have 3 questions…

The young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, go ahead and shoot.
Young man’s first question was, (1) Who do you love the most in the world, someone whose love nothing would ever overcome? She said this is an easy question! The answer to your question is my mother.

The young man smiled and asked second question, (2) You said that you read a lot of Qur’an, could you tell me which Surahs you know the meaning of? Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I hope to soon Inshallah I have just been a bit busy.

The third question the young man asked, was (3) I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are much prettier than you, why should I marry you? Hearing this, the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty and intelligence.

And the young man and his parents have left again without an agreement of marriage. This time, the young man’s parents were really angry and said what did you do to anger that young girl, the family was so nice and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl? Tell us!

The young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? She said, her mother. The parents said so, what is wrong with that?

The young man said, “No one, is Muslim until he loves Allah (SWT) and his Messenger more than anyone else in the world.” If a woman loves Allah (SWT) and the Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) more than anyone, she will love me respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love and fear for Allah (SWT). And we can share this love because this love is greater than lust for beauty.

The young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of Holy Qur’an, can you tell me the meaning of any Surah? And she said no. because I haven’t had time yet. So I remembered the saying of Imam Shafi’i, “All humans are dead except those who have knowledge … And all those who have knowledge are asleep, except those who do good deeds .. And those who do good are deceived, except those who are sincere … And those who are sincere are always in a state of worry (for others).”

She has lived 20 years on this earth and has not found any time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights and responsibilities and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman is the Madrasah (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman, who has no time for Allah (SWT), will not have time for her husband. The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose her? That is why she stormed off, getting angry.

The young man’s parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing; we are going back there to apologize. The young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.

Holy Prophet Muhammad said “Do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry” repeatedly when asked how to become pious, because anger is from Satan.

If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband? So, the moral of this story is, that a marriage is based on: Knowledge not looks, Practice not preaching, Forgiveness not anger, Spiritual love not lust and compromise!

One should look for a person who (1) Has love for Allah (SWT) and his Messenger (2) Knows the deen (religion), and can act upon it (3) can control her anger, and another important and crucial factor that she is (4) willing to compromise. And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things. May Allah (SWT) make every marriage a success and let us create Love for Allah and his Messenger so that Allah (SWT) can bless us, and create love in our lives.

There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage. Holy Prophet Muhammad(PBUH)

Kindness Is A Mark Of Faith: Love Even Those Who Hurt You

Love even those who hurt. They’ll realize your worth someday. The tree does not withdraw its shade from the woodcutter…So, love even those who are hurt. They’ll recognize your worth someday.

The above quote made me think and reflect. To still love those who hurt us takes a lot and very often it’s easier said than done…!

It reminds me of our beloved Prophet [Salla Allahu Alayhi Wasalam] and how some of his loved ones really hurt him and chose to reject him as a Messenger of Allah. The hurt and grief they gave him, The Prophet [SallaAllahu Alayhi Wasalam] didn’t deter him from his mission, just like the tree that does not withdraw its shade from the woodcutter.

The Prophet [Salla Allahu `Alayhi Wasalam] still gave and showed love, compassion, mercy and kindness to all those who hurt, ridiculed, and harmed him.

These noble qualities which he demonstrated in his conduct, softened the hearts of those who opposed him, they realized his worth and his uniqueness and thus accepted Islam. Those unfortunate souls who did not realize his worth during his lifetime will realize his worth on the day of Judgment.

Loving those who hurt us is a Prophetic characteristic and may we all aspire to achieve this whether those who hurt us realize our worth in this life or not Allah [Azza Wa Jall] does and that’s all that matters. [‘SubhanAllah’]

Contentment: Sign Of A True Believer

Belief is the driving power that makes you feel content with things that have been destined for you.

  • “How much money do you have?’’
  • “I have millions.”
  • “Do you want more?”
  • “Yes, I do.”
  • “How many children have you got?”
  • “I have three..”
  • “Do you want more?”
  • “Yes, I do.”

Think of the “how many” and “how much” questions you can ask someone and his expected answers. The answers are very normal. Do you know why?

Because, naturally, people want to be richer, healthier, and more famous than others. If one has a Land Cruiser car, he aims for a Jaguar. If he has one house, he wants a second and a third. It is very rare to find someone who would answer: “No. I do not want … I am happy with what I have.”

But such an answer is expected from someone who has a degree of faith in his heart.

Belief is the driving power that makes you feel content with things destined for you. Through belief, one can enjoy the blessings of this life and earn Allah’s pleasure in the world to come.

Contentment is a sign of a true believer. When one is afflicted with catastrophes and shows patience and contentment and does not complain about his sufferings; be sure he is indeed a true believer. By this, we are not saying that those who want to be richer, healthier, more famous, etc. are not believers. But they lack a complete understanding of belief. Contentment does not mean you do not feel the pains and trials of this life. You feel them, but you do not complain about them.

The virtue of contentment is closely connected with the virtue of putting trust in Allah. When one shows contentment with what he has got and does not foster envy or hatred towards others, he is certain that Allah will not let him down and that a great reward awaits him.

Allah’s Contentment with His Servants:
Muslims are required to accept Islam and follow its teachings as their way of life. Allah also commands them to enjoin what is good and forbid what is bad. In addition, Muslims are to denounce associating others with Allah. Once Muslims fulfill Allah’s commands and obligations, Allah will be satisfied with them and He will bestow His mercy and pleasure upon them.

Allah’s Pleasure as a Reward:
We read in the Quran what gives the following meaning: {God will say, ‘This is a Day when the truthful will benefit from their truthfulness. They will have Gardens graced with flowing streams, there to remain forever. God is pleased with them and they with Him: that is the supreme triumph.’} (Al-Ma’idah 5:119)

In another verse, we read what means: {Their reward with their Lord is everlasting Gardens graced with flowing streams, where they will stay forever. God is well pleased with them and they with Him.} (Al-Bayyinah 98:8)

It is reported that Allah will call the people of Paradise in the Hereafter saying: (Enter Paradise; whatever you see in it is yours.” They would say: “O Lord, You have bestowed upon us (favors) which You did not bestow upon anyone else in the world.” He would say: “There is with Me (a favor) for you better than this.” They would say: “O our Lord! What is better than this?” He would say: “It is My pleasure. I will never be angry with you after this.) (Sahih Muslim)

The Quranic verses and the Prophetic Hadith speak for themselves. Allah’s pleasure is the highest reward for Muslims in Paradise.

An obvious evidence for this is the verse which reads: {God has promised the believers, both men and women, Gardens graced with flowing streams where they will remain; good, peaceful homes in Gardens of lasting bliss; and–greatest of all–God’s good pleasure. That is the supreme triumph.} (At-Tawbah 9:72)

Benefits of Contentment:
With contentment one feels inner peace and spirituality increases. When one fosters contentment, he loves others and would be loved by others. He does not compare himself with those who are in better conditions, but rather he remembers those who are in worse conditions. For example, if someone is one-handed, he should be content and remember those who do not have hands at all.

If the spirit of contentment prevails in a society, there would be no place for greedy people who foster discontent. Contentment and patience earn one Paradise in the Hereafter. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: “Allah will not accept other than Paradise for a believing person who is afflicted with the death of his beloved one from among the inhabitants of the world and shows patience.” (Al-Nasa’i)

Contentment will get you closer to Allah in this world and the world to come. If one is content, he will not suffer psychological problems such as depression, worries, anxiety, etc. When you feel discontent, Satan will find his way to your heart. But with contentment, Satan’s way will be blocked and you will be busy with the things that please Allah.

Examples of Contentment:
Prophet Zakariah (peace be upon him) used to pray to Allah to grant him a child who would be well pleasing to Allah. We read in the Quran what means: {… to be my heir and the heir of the family of Jacob. Lord, make him well-pleasing [to You].}(Maryam 19:6) Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to pray to Allah saying: (I ask you to grant me contentment after You decree my destiny.) (Al-Tabarani)

The story of Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him) is an example of contentment. Prophet Yusuf was put to many trials; his brothers threw him into the hidden depths of a well. He was put into prison because of a false allegation. He never complained to Allah, but he showed patience. Allah rewarded him for his contentment by giving him standing as he became the second man in Egypt.

At the end of the story when his dream came true, what did he say? A man in his position would have mentioned the trials he went through. On the contrary, he looked at the good side of the trials and said: {Father, this is the fulfillment of that dream I had long ago. My Lord has made it come true and has been gracious to me – He released me from prison and He brought you here from the desert – after Satan sowed discord between me and my brothers.} (Yusuf 12:100)

When Abdullah ibn Mutraf, one of the Companions, died, his father came out of the house in his best clothes. When he was asked why he wore such clothes, he answered: “Why should I be sad? Allah has promised me three things, each of them is better than this life and what it contains..”

Allah says: { … Those who say, when afflicted with a calamity, ‘We belong to God and to Him we shall return.’ These will be given (1) blessings and (2) mercy from their Lord, and (3) it is they who are rightly guided.} (Al-Baqarah 2:156-7)

A friend of mine has been married for almost 8 years now but has not yet had any children. Whenever I ask him about it, his answer is always: “Alhamdullilah” (Thanks and Praise be to Allah). They are leading a very happy and peaceful life because they are content with what Allah has destined for them.

How to be Content:
Here are some tips on how to obtain contentment:

– Do not cry over spilled milk. Whenever you miss a job, for example, do not feel embarrassed. Be sure that the money that you were supposed to earn from that job is not yours; it is somebody else’s. Your provision (rizq) will come to you through another channel.

– Refine your heart. Think always of the things that will draw you nearer to Allah. Leave out the trivialities. You have a purpose in life.

– Think of the rewards awaiting you in the Hereafter. Allah says: {Whatever things you have been given for the life of this world are merely [temporary] gratification and vanity: that which is with Allah is better and more lasting– will you not use your reason?} (Al-Qasas 28:60)

– Think always of the present day. Do not worry about the future. Be content with what you have today.

– Look at the positive aspects of each calamity. For example, if someone is involved in a car accident that he survived and you ask him about it, he will tell you that the car has been damaged and it needs a lot of money to fix. So, he will think first of the damaged car and forget that he survived the accident and he is still alive.

– Finally, the key to happiness is this sentence: “Allah willed what will happen, and whatever He wants will come to pass.” By this, you are acknowledging the authority and power of Allah, and you are declaring your acceptance of His Divine Decree.

Mohsen Haredy is a contributing writer and counselor of Reading Islam. He graduated from Al-Azhar University and earned his MA in Hadith literature from Leiden University, in the Netherlands. Currently, he is an overseas PhD student at Leiden University.

By Mohsen Haredy
Freelance Writer- Egypt

Progeny [Children] Of Adam You Should Know

Sayings of al-Hasan al-Basree, Leader of the Taba’een
* Son of Adam! You are nothing but a number of days, whenever each day passes then part of you has gone
* Death has shown the reality of this worldly life. It did not leave any happiness for those who are wise
* A believer believes in what ALLAH has said. He is the best of men in his deeds, but he fears ALLAH most, so that if he spends the size of a mountain of money, he would not be sure of his reward until he sees this with his own eyes. The more righteous and charitable the believer is, the more afraid of ALLAH he becomes. While the hypocrite says: Men are too many, I shall be forgiven. There is no harm on me. Thus he acts badly but wishes for many things from ALLAH.

The moral excellence of the Taba’een [Followers of The Companions of The Prophet of Islam], is mentioned in the following Hadith:
[Narrated Imran bin Husain: “Allah’s Apostle said, ‘The best of my followers are those living in my generation (i.e. my contemporaries). and then those who will follow the latter” ‘Imran added, “I do not remember whether he mentioned two or three generations after his generation, then the Prophet added, ‘There will come after you, people who will bear witness without being asked to do so, and will be treacherous and untrustworthy, and they will vow and never fulfill their vows, and fatness will appear among them.” (Bukhari, Book #57, Hadith #2)]

Don’t Loose Heart Or Grieve

[ALLAH’S Quran – 3:139] “And do not lose heart nor feel grieved, and it is you who will be victorious, provided you maintain (perfect) faith.”

The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) has said : [Bukhari, Book #57, Hadith #4] “……..I used to keep for Allah’s Apostle a leather water container, the mouth of which was covered with a piece of cloth. I poured water on the milk container till its lower part was cold. Then I took the milk to the Prophet whom I found awake. I said to him, ‘Drink, O Allah’s Apostle.’ So he drank till I became pleased. Then I said, ‘It is time for us to move, O Allah’s Apostle!’ He said, ‘Yes.’ So we set out while the people (i.e. Quraish pagans) were searching for us, but none found us except Suraiqa bin Malik bin Jushum who was riding his horse. I said, ‘These are our pursuers who have found us. O Allah’s Apostle!’ He said, ‘Do not grieve, for Allah is with us”