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A Home Based On Love

A foremost characteristic of life in the home of the Prophet (peace be upon him) was love. Love is the quality most necessary to ensure happiness. When love is present, happiness is assured. Prophet preferred a life of poverty, which was sometimes close to if not below, the subsistence level. Yet this did not detract from the fact that he was a very happy home, with love spreading from its rooms to those who were associated in any way with the Prophet’s family.

Should love be removed from the life of any family, happiness becomes lacking for everyone, no matter how affluent the family may be. Wealth can buy comfort and luxury, but it cannot buy love and happiness. Muhammad (peace be upon him) experienced first a life of poverty when he was brought up by his uncle Abu Talib, who had a large family and small means. He had to work and earn his living when he was still in his early teens. Then he experienced a life of comfort and plenty when he lived with his first wife, Khadeejah, who was rich and he looked after her business. Then in Madinah, he lived a life of poverty, even though he could have had whatever he wanted. He was the head of state and all its resources were at his disposal. Yet he preferred to live on the borderline of poverty. When he had more than enough for his family’s needs for the day, he gave away all that was extra. Once he received a gift of cooked birds. He gave his servant a bird to eat and ate one himself. One bird was left, so Anas, his servant brought it for the Prophet’s dinner the following day. The Prophet was upset and said: “Have I not told you never to leave anything for the following day?”

His life with Khadeejah was the symbol of happiness. She cherished his company and looked after him in the most exemplary way. She realized that he combined characteristics of the noblest type that made him unique among men. On her part, Khadeejah combined beauty, good sense, mature judgment, and a loving and generous heart. They were the happiest of couples. They lived together for 15 years or longer before he began to receive his message. Theirs was a happy life of a loving couple. When he received his message, she realized that her task was greater, and she fulfilled it with exemplary devotion. He might spend a whole day speaking to people and telling them about Islam, stressing that they needed to believe in God as the only deity in the universe, and receiving nothing but one hostile reaction after another. Yet he was assured that once he steps home, a comforting heart will be there to receive him and dispel all that troubled his caring soul. He was pained by the fact that people could not realize that the guidance he gave them was for their own good and happiness in both this life and the life to come. She reassured him that such stubborn rejection was the result of ignorance or selfishness and that it was bound to be temporary. Once people saw the truth inherent in it, they were bound to accept it.

Khadeejah was his only wife for 25 years or longer. When she died, she left a huge vacuum in his life that no woman could easily fill. Later, the Prophet needed to marry several other women. There were social, political, or legislative reasons leading to each of his marriages. God allowed him any number of wives, exempting him from the condition that allows man no more than four wives at the same time. Despite the fact that some of these marriages were in quick succession, love spread its wings on the Prophet’s home, with all inhabitants benefiting from it. No man’s life was documented in such detail as the Prophet’s life, yet we do not have a single incident when any of his wives felt anything other than love toward him. Never was any of them hurt by an angry word or an insult. He never raised his hand in earnest or in jest to express an angry feeling.

Ayesha was the one he loved most, but this did not mean that he did not love the others or that he showed them any disfavor. He felt for them and prayed that God would not hold him accountable for his feelings, which were beyond his control. Yet his treatment of all his wives was an exemplary exercise in complete fairness. However, Ayesha knew how to impart her feelings to him without putting this in words. The Prophet once told her: “I know when you are pleased or angry with me.” As she was keen not to let her anger surface, she was surprised. She asked him: “How do you know that?” He said: “When you are pleased with me and you want to emphasize something, you say: ‘By God, the Lord of Muhammad!’ But when you are angry with me, you say: ‘By God, the Lord of Abraham!’ She said: ‘By God, I forsake only your name.'”

It was the love he emanated in his family life that made all his wives happy with their situation, despite the fact that there were several others sharing the same position with them. None would exchange her position as the Prophet’s wife for being the wife of any man on earth. When they all joined together in demanding a better standard of living, he was angry with them and left them all for a whole month. After this, he gave them the choice that he would either divorce them and give them plentiful gifts or they would remain with him accepting the sort of life he gave them, which was one of hard poverty. Every one of them said unhesitatingly that she would stay with him and never make a similar demand.

We should remember that divorce in their society was accepted as normal, and a divorcee or a widow could easily be married again. Yet none of them would contemplate for a moment living with any man after having been the Prophet’s wife. It was such exemplary love that pulled them toward such a happy life. Hence, God admonishes them to be grateful for their lot and to remember the supreme wisdom that is recited in their homes, as it is revealed from on high to their husband, Muhammad (peace be upon him). God also elevated their rank, making them mothers of all believers, in all generations. Each one of them is Umm Al-Mumineen, i.e. Mother of Believers. This was a real status, and all their contemporaries treated them as such. Later generations of Muslims venerated them in the same way. As mothers of all Muslims, they could not marry anyone after the Prophet had died. Thus, they kept this status for all times.

By: Adil Salahi

The Prophet Among His Family Members

Muhammad the last Prophet and Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) is the exemplary character that all Muslims must emulate. His way is the straight path that a Muslim has to follow in order to succeed in this world and in the hereafter.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) despite being the Messenger of Allah, was a human being, and therefore he did and said things which even ordinary people can easily understand and follow. The Prophet (peace be upon him) had exemplary patience, a capacity to bear hardship and ability to forgive the erring people, especially the ones who ever ‘wronged’ him in one way or the other.

He also had the ability to be steadfast and resolute in the face of persecution. He kept his promises, fought bravely when attacked, was generous in giving, content with what he had, honest, clean-hearted, kind and compassionate. He always worshiped Allah in sincerity, behaved with people in a humane manner, loved children and respected the womenfolk. In sum, in him was Uswa Hasana, the exemplary character: The Prophet (peace be upon him) was the finest human being.

Men are judged in many ways. But the best scale to judge the character of a man is to see how good he is to the members of his family, especially to his wife. Because husband and wife know each other in a way that others, even parents cannot. A wife knows even those aspects of man’s personality that he can hide from others. This is the reason that a wife’s testimony about her husband’s character is regarded as the most authentic.

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) received the first revelation in the Cave of Hira, he naturally became a bit apprehensive. In such a state of mind he went to no one but to his wife. And what Khadijah told him enumerating his good qualities is remarkable indeed. Imam Bukhari has narrated this story in the beginning of his magnum opus, Sahih, because it contains Khadijah’s testimony about the character and personality of the Prophet (peace be upon him). And this testimony has come from a woman who was witness to even those aspects of the Prophet’s life that others were not in a position to know.

It would, therefore, be rewarding to know as to how the Prophet (peace be upon him) behaved with his wives? It just so happens that people forget the real message or miss the spirit of the message and take their cultural habits as real things, even give them precedence and superiority over matters which are more essential. This is truer about our attitude towards women than anything else. Over the centuries, we have developed an attitude which deprives women even of the rights that the Holy Qur’an had given them. Women have all the rights to get educated and contribute to the welfare of the Ummah in befitting manners.

But we, the Muslims, have confined them within the four walls of their homes and do not do enough for their proper education. The Prophet (peace be upon him) had made it compulsory for both Muslim men and women to acquire knowledge. The Ummah must introspect and think what it has done so far for educating half of its population.

When we study the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him) we discover to our amazement that he was as much eager to teach women as he was about his male companions. Women were free to approach the Prophet (peace be upon him) and seek guidance from him. He never thought of them as a source of evil as some people think so today, and consequently deprive them of the opportunities that they deserve to have as a matter of right.

Some Muslims are harsh even toward their wives despite clear Islamic injunctions against such a treatment of women. Some think that being lenient to one’s children and wife is tantamount to spoiling them, and hence they never have fun or play with them. It would be advisable here to recount how the Prophet (peace be upon him) lived and behaved with his wives.

Most Fortunate Stepchildren

“I have the best family line ever: My father is Muhammad (peace be upon him), my mother is Khadeejah, my brother is Al-Qasim and my sister is Fatimah. Who can have a family line to rival mine?” These were the words of Hind ibn Abu Halah, the Prophet’s first stepson. These words are indicative of the sort of relationship the young stepson had with his stepfather, Muhammad, God’s last messenger.

It is well known that the Prophet married Khadeejah, Hind’s mother, 15 years before prophethood. She was married twice before him, having had a daughter by her first marriage. This daughter came to be known as Umm Muhammad bint Ateeq. The very fact that she named her son after her stepfather is indicative of her great love of the Prophet. Hind was Khadeejah’s son by her second marriage to Abu Halah, who was also called Hind, a name most frequently used for girls. It is well known that Khadeejah remained unmarried for a period after her second husband’s death, during which she declined proposals by several distinguished figures in Makkah. Many were those who dearly wished to marry her, knowing that she combined beauty and wealth with maturity and noble descent. She declined as many proposals as she received, preferring to conduct her own business, sending her trade on the two famous trips that became part of the life of the people of Makkah. It was Khadeejah who then chose Muhammad and offered to marry him when she found in him a man of superior honesty and integrity, in addition to the wisdom that belied his years.

Hind ibn Abu Halah was thus brought up from a young age in the Prophet’s home, and the Prophet took good care of him. Hind attained adulthood before the beginning of the Islamic message, benefiting greatly from living in a happy home. When the Prophet preached his message, Hind was one of those who responded positively, adopting Islam in its early days. How could he take any other attitude when he knew how true to his word his stepfather was? He realized that a man who never told a lie to people could never entertain inventing a lie about God. Besides, Hind was a man of literary talent who could easily realize that the Qur’an, which Muhammad started to recite, could have never been composed by a human being. It was exceedingly superior. Hence, he followed his good judgment and adopted Islam. Hind fought alongside the Prophet in several battles and he left us a very detailed description of the Prophet. The description suggests a genuine and deep-seated love of the Prophet.

After Khadeejah’s death, the Prophet married several wives, everyone for a special reason. The only one who had not been married earlier to someone else was c. Some of them had children from their earlier marriages. Sawdah, the first of these was a mature woman when the Prophet married her. Sawdah was among the early Muslims, and she went with her husband, Al-Sakran ibn Amr, on the first immigration to Abyssinia, but they returned sometime later. On their way back, and just before arriving in Makkah, her husband died. She was later the first woman to be suggested to the Prophet as a possible wife when he deeply felt his great loss at Khadeejah’s death. Sawdah had five children of her own. We do not know much about them as they are rarely mentioned in the books that discuss the Prophet’s life. However, we do not have any report that the Prophet ever showed any kind of dissatisfaction with their presence in his home, as often happens between children and their stepfather.

Ramlah was the daughter of Abu Sufyan, the man who led the Quraysh in one campaign after another in opposition to the Prophet, trying to subdue Islam. In one of these campaigns, the declared aim of the allied forces under his leadership was the extermination of Islam and Muslims. Yet she was a Muslim, and she immigrated to Abyssinia with her husband. However, in Abyssinia, her husband, Ubaydellah ibn Jahsh converted to Christianity and then died there. She was left there alone with her daughter, Habeebah. The Prophet felt for her and sent to Negus, the ruler of Abyssinia to arrange his marriage to her on his behalf after receiving her consent. When Ramlah and other Muslims came back and joined the Prophet in Madinah, she lived with him a very happy life. He took care of her daughter and treated her in his most kindly and generous way. Ramlah, or Umm Habbebah, as she is better known, transmitted 65 Hadiths, some of which were also reported by her daughter.

Umm Salamah was another wife who brought the Prophet four more stepchildren. Her eldest, Salamah, was a teenager when she married the Prophet. Her youngest was a suckling daughter named Barrah, but the Prophet changed her name to Zaynab. ‘Barrah’ means a dutiful and devout woman. The Prophet did not like names that were presumptive. Whenever a woman or a girl came under his care bearing that name, he changed it, mostly to Zaynab, which means ‘her father’s jewel’. He said to them: “You do not know who is devout or dutiful and who is not.” Umm Salamah’s children enjoyed good care from the Prophet. He taught them good manners and cared for their upbringing.

In total the Prophet had 12 stepchildren, two by Khadeejah, five by Sawdah, four by Umm Salamah, and one by Ramlah. All of them were fortunate to join the Prophet’s household because they enjoyed the care of the most compassionate and caring stepfather they, or anyone else for that matter, could have ever had. The Prophet was kind even to his enemies. He was most caring for children and young people in general, and he was especially kind to his stepchildren.

Establishing Her Position- Umm Salamah

Along history in the service of Islam was, Umm Salamah, crowned by her marriage to the best person in human history, Muhammad, God’s last messenger (peace be upon him). The marriage took place in the month of Shawwal in the fourth year of the Islamic calendar, which meant that she lived with the Prophet for six and a half years. In order to have a feeling of the sort of life the Prophet’s new bride was to expect in her new home, we take her report of what she did after she had moved into the home that belonged to Zaynab bint Khuzaymah, a wife of the Prophet who had died a few months after her marriage.

“I looked around and found an earthenware container with some barley. I also found a hand mill and some fruit of desert trees and a saucepan. I found in it some fat. I used the hand mill to ground the barley, then I mixed it thoroughly with the fruit and cooked it using that fat. This was the food God’s messenger ate with his bride on his wedding night.”

Umm Salamah (radi allahu anha) was the fourth wife in the Prophet’s home, but she was a woman who combined beauty with a sound mind and great wisdom. Therefore, she was keen to establish her presence and make her position clear.

Ayesha (radi allahu anha) reports: “When the Prophet married Umm Salamah (radi allahu anha), I was very sad because people spoke much of her beauty. I moved gently to see her, and I saw that she was far prettier than people’s description…” Umm Salamah (radi allahu anha) did not wish her children to be a burden in her new home.

Even though she had a daughter who was still suckling, she arranged for her to be looked after by a wet nurse. However, those children had the best stepfather they could have. He looked after them and helped them as they grew up. He gave his cousin, Umamah, the daughter of his uncle Hamzah, in marriage to Salamah, his stepson.

In their keenness to ensure that the Prophet had a comfortable life, some of his companions tried to interfere. Umar (radi allahu anhu) was told by his wife that his daughter, Hafsah (radi allahu anha), who was married to the Prophet might disagree with him and might sulk. He spoke to her counseling her against doing so. He also went to Umm Salamah (radi allahu anha), who was a relative of his, with a similar intent.

However, when he opened the subject, she stopped him saying that he was interfering between the Prophet and his wives. This was not something he could do. He realized this and left.

Umm Salamah (radi allahu anha) was always aware of her position, unwilling to give in to any pressure.

 – By Adil Salahi

Mother Of The Believers Sayyidah Ayesha Siddiqah Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anha

Sayyidah Ayesha Siddiqah Radi ALLAHu Ta’ala Anha was the third lady to enter the house of the Beloved Habeeb Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him as his wife, and she was the only virgin in the consorts of purity of the Holy Prophet’s Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him house. She was of tender age when she was married to Allah’s Apostle Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him.

Historical records bear ample testimony to the fact that Sayyidah Ayesha Radi ALLAHu Ta’ala Anha was a precocious genius and was developing both in mind and body with rapidity peculiar to such rare personalities. This marriage is significant in the history of Islam in so many aspects.

Firstly, it cemented the ties between Sayyiduna Rasoolullah Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him, and his devoted friend Sayyiduna Abu Bakr Siddique Radi ALLAHu Ta’ala Anhu who always stood by him in hours of trial and who sacrificed his all for the cause of Islam.

Secondly, by this marriage, a lady of eminent qualities came under the direct influence of the Holy Prophet Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him at a highly impressionable age, and this provided her ample opportunities to penetrate into the innermost recesses of the sacred heart of the Beloved Habeeb Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him. She shared his company and thus was able to develop her potentialities and refine her taste perfectly in accordance with the teachings of Islam under the direct supervision of Sayyiduna Rasoolullah Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him.

This young age was in fact very opportune for marriage as it has been clearly shown in the research of psychoanalysts that much of the emotions of a mature person and most of those seemingly unaccountable leanings, tastes, and tendencies comprised in the term idiosyncrasies can be traced to the experience of his or her highly formative age of either later childhood or early adolescence.

Thirdly, all the wives of the Holy Prophet Peace and Blessings be Upon Him with the exception of Sayyidah Ayesha Radi ALLAHu Ta’ala Anha were of advanced age and thus could neither share the feelings of the younger generation nor could they properly appreciate their point of view. The difference of age always stood as a barrier between them and the ladies of the younger ages. The only lady with whom young women could frankly enter into conversation and discuss problems without any reserve could be none but Sayyidah Ayesha Radi ALLAHu Ta’ala Anha. Thus, the marriage of the Holy Prophet Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him with Sayyidah Ayesha Radi ALLAHu Ta’ala Anha at an age when she was at the threshold of puberty was a great necessity, as it was through her that instructions could successfully be imparted to the young ladies who had newly entered the fold of Islam.

Moreover, this marriage struck at the root of a wrong notion that had firmly taken hold of the minds of the people that it was contrary to religious ethics to marry the daughter of a man whom one declared to be one’s brother. The Messenger of Allah’s Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him, with the help of his personal example, showed to the people that there is a great difference between a brother-in-faith and a brother in relation to blood. Marriage, which is forbidden in Islam, is with the daughter of the brother in blood and not with the daughter of the brother-in-faith.