Our social:

TAG: Husband

10 Tips To Be A Successful Husband

1. Dress up well for one’s wife:

Dress up for your wife, look clean, and smell good. When was the last time we men looked good to please our wives? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice to him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasulullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) – would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use likable names for your wife:

Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

3. Recognize the good & focus on that:

Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day – which brings no attention from the husband – until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

4. Be silent on the wrongs:

If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasullullah( sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) – used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives – radi Allahu ‘anhum. It’s a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

5. Smile at your wife:

Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasullullah( sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam)- would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

6. Thank her:

Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and does a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgment she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!

7. Make her happy:

Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your Life.

8. Comfort her:

Don’t belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasullullah( sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah – radi Allahu ‘anha – was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

9. Be humorous:

Be humorous and Play games with your wife. Look at how Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – would race his wife Aisha -radi Allahu ‘anha – in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

10. Try to be the Best:

Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam: “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best!

In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah – azza wa jall – to make your marriage successful.

And Allah ta’ala knows best !!

Social Behavior

The Shari’ah has placed restrictions on men meeting strange women privately. Similarly no man other than her husband is allowed to touch any part of a woman’s body. The following traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) are worth noting in this connection:

“Beware that you do not call on women who are alone,” said the Messenger of Allah. One of the Companions asked, “O Messenger of Allah, what about the younger or the elder brother of the husband?” The Prophet replied, “He is death.” (Tirmidhi, Bukhari and Muslim)

“Do not call on women in the absence of their husbands, because Satan might be circulating in any of you like blood.” (Tirmidhi).

According to ‘Amr ibn al-‘As, the Prophet forbade men to call on women without the permission of their husbands. (Tirmidhi)

“From this day no man is allowed to call on a woman in the absence of her husband unless he is accompanied by one or two other men.” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet said, “The one who touches the hand of a woman without having a lawful relationship with her, will have an ember placed on his palm on the Day of Judgment.” (Takmalah, Fath alQadir)

‘A’ishah says that the Prophet accepted the oath of allegiance from women only verbally, without taking their hands into his own hand. He never touched the hand of a woman who was not married to him (Bukhari).

Umaimah, daughter of Ruqaiqah, said that she went to the Prophet in the company of some other women to take the oath of allegiance. He made them promise that they would abstain from idolatry, stealing, adultery, slander, and disobedience to the Prophet. When they had taken the oath, they requested that he take their hands as a mark of allegiance. The Prophet said, “I do not take the hands of women. Verbal affirmation is enough.” (Nasa’i and Ibn Majah).

Prophet Muhammad: The Ideal Husband

The family in general and the wife in particular is a precious trust and great responsibility that a Muslim must shoulder and never neglect. In this matter, just like in all others, the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), is an example for all husbands in the way he treated and nurtured his wives.
The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), encouraged people to nurture their families; he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), said: “Allah will ask every person about those under his guardianship. (He will ask) whether he protected and preserved them, or squandered them; (this is) the extent to which He will ask man about his family members.”

What did the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), do with regard to nurturing his wives? How did he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ),, educate them, enjoin them to do good and forbid them from doing evil? What was his manner and method in talking to them and being kind to them? These questions are answered below.

· The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would teach his wives matters pertaining to faith:The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would teach his wives matters related to faith and creed and expound to them the oneness of Allah The Almighty and His greatness. He, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would explain the Names and Attributes of Allah to them, as well as matters related to the Hereafter. Once he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), was talking to ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her about accountability in the Hereafter and said: “He who is questioned will be punished.” `Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her then asked, “Does Allah not say (what means): {Then as for he who is given his record in his right hand. He will be judged with an easy account}[Quran 84: 7-8]He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ) clarified and this, saying:“This does not mean holding people to account. Rather, it refers to merely presenting to them their records, but the one who will be questioned will certainly be punished.”

· The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ), would teach his wives supplications and the mention of Allah The Almighty:The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), also taught his wives designated mentions of Allah The Almighty, such as how to seek refuge in Allah The Almighty from evil, etc. Once, he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), saw the moon and said to ‘Aa’ishah may Allah be pleased with her: “O ‘Aa’ishah! Seek refuge in Allah from the evil of this, as it is (what is referred to by) ‘The evil of darkness when it settles.’ (referring to Quran: 113: 3]).”He, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), was pointing to the moon, as it is an indicator of the approach of evening, during which many evils can take place.

· The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would teach his wives to fear Allah The Almighty:The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would run back and forth, in and out of his house, whenever he felt the wind and saw the clouds forming, and signs of disturbance would appear on his face. Once ‘Aa’ishah may Allah be pleased with her said to him when he did so, “People rejoice upon seeing the wind (and clouds) while I see you do what you do (i.e., become disturbed).” He, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ),responded: “O ‘Aa’ishah! What assurance do I have that it will not be one of punishment? Allah has punished earlier nations with the wind; when these people felt the wind (and saw) the clouds approaching, they said, ‘This is a cloud bringing us rain!’”Thus, a Muslim must always fear Allah The Almighty and His punishment.

· The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would make his wives accustomed to worship:The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), would train his wives to wake up at night to perform the voluntary night prayers, by waking them up himself. Moreover, his teaching was not limited to prayer, as he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), instructed ‘Aa’ishah may Allah be pleased with her to spend in charity, saying: “Do not hoard, otherwise, Allah will withhold from you.”[Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] He, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), thereby taught her not to restrict her spending in charity and to be extremely generous. This shows how keen he, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ), was to instruct his wives in recommended matters and not just regarding mandatory matters or prohibitions.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): A Model Husband

When Muhammad (peace be upon him) was sent to deliver his message as God’s last messenger to mankind, all human societies ill-treated women. Arabia was no exception. Prior to Islam Arabian women had no rights, not even the right to live. Often parents killed their young daughters, burying them alive, for fear of poverty or shame. Under the Roman and Byzantine Empires, women were practically enslaved, even by the rule of law. The Persian Empire considered women to be the source of evil. Today, the Western civilization boasts of its achievement of equality between men and women. Yet, this was achieved after hard struggle. Until World War One, women did not have the right to vote in general elections in Britain or elsewhere in Europe. The suffragette movement had to fight hard for that right to be granted. By contrast, Islam, as preached by Prophet Muhammad 1400 years ago, gave women a status equal to that of men. The Qur’an clearly states: “Women shall, in all fairness, enjoy rights similar to those exercised against them.” (2: 228)

Legal provisions are one thing and personal treatment is another. A member of parliament may give the best argument in a public debate for looking after women, but his behavior toward his wife and women folk may be overbearing and hurtful. Prophet Muhammad made sure that his conduct was always a practical endorsement of what he preached. As a husband, he never wavered in his love and kind treatment of Khadijah, his first and only wife for 25 years. He continued to cherish her memory to the end of his life. He married other women after her death, but none could fill her place. Yet with them he committed himself to much more than what Islam requires of all men to be kind and caring of their women. He disliked to be seen by any of them without a smile on his face. He visited each one of them in the morning and in the afternoon, enquiring after them and ensuring that they received what they needed. At night, he would be with the one whose turn it was for him to stay with.

Aishah mentions that when he was alone with his wives, he was the most amenable of people, always smiling and relaxed. Every description of the Prophet, given by his companions, highlights the fact that he inspired awe in anyone who talked to him, whether on religious matters or any other subject. Yet he did not allow that awe inspiring appearance to become a barrier between him and any of his wives. They always spoke to him in the friendliest manner that characterizes a marital relation. One of them once said to him in front of her father: “Speak out, but say nothing but the truth.”

What we see here is a normal conversation between husband and wife. The role of the Prophet, who is God’s messenger to all mankind, totally disappears. Had the woman felt that she was addressing God’s messenger, she would not have thought of speaking in this way. She was merely a woman talking to her husband and trying to prove a point in dispute between them. Muhammad, whose life was totally devoted to his mission, saw nothing wrong with the way she spoke to him. He accepted it as perfectly normal. We will have more to say on this aspect of the Prophet’s life in future.

— By Adil Salahi

Clashes Among Family Members

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) says: “The Muslim man after Islam, didn’t achieve any extra advantage over his wife; a wife who when her husband looks upon her feels cheerful, follows her husband’s instructions and in his absence, protects her chastity and her husband’s property.” The family has always been one of the most valuable institutions of the society. In the foundation of social life, the family has been the focal point, putting aside the responsibilities related to the giving birth to and rearing of children which results in the continuation and perpetuity of mankind. Other responsibilities for example, the training and endorsing of societal awareness of an individual are also included. Family is a time-tested system which gives the individual a sense of belonging and being. This family system belongs to that group of systems, which have remained existent throughout history, and there are two main reasons for this:

1) The family environment secures the basic needs of a society and shoulders the responsibility of making individuals socially aware

2) The family is a strong and influential center, which brings about the feeling of closeness and emotional support in individuals. The family is also a medium, which plays an important role in the transfer of values, customs, and cultural heritage of the society.

Family disorders have many aspects, which may eventually lead to separation or divorce. One of the basic reasons for divorce is unwarranted expectations, which the two parties have of one another. These expectations are related to the status of the two parties ( i.e. husband and wife) in the society, sexual relations, physical health, financial security and the role that both the man and woman plays in the marriage.

At the same time, it should be mentioned here that the above expectations may be very influential in the strengthening of the family foundation. For example, in the present society, it can be seen that before marriage the couple believes that as long as their love for one another doesn’t decrease, nothing can break the bond that exists between them. But after the marriage, they quickly come to the realization that the love that was abundant in their marriage, has lost some of its luster, or disappeared completely and in order to solve their family problems, they are forced to use more practical methods.

In the same way, children whose parents are not happy in their marriages but remain living together, become affected by the family disputes, which are a result of the relationship of the parents

Building A Happy Family In Islam

THE Prophet (peace be upon him) gave many recommendations concerning women, to the extent that he described the man who treats his wife well as being one of the best and among the elite of his Ummah:

“The believer who has the most perfect faith is the one whose behavior is best, and the best of you are the ones who are best to their women-folk.”

Some women came to the family of the Prophet (peace be upon him) complaining about their husbands. So the Prophet (peace be upon him) announced to the men:

“Many women have visited the family of Muhammad, complaining about their husbands. Verily those are not the best among you.”

True Islam is preeminent in its fairness and respect towards women, and in its recommendation to husbands to treat their wives well even if they dislike them. This is something which women have never enjoyed throughout history, except in this religion. Allah says in the Qur’an:

“…live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” (Qur’an, 4:19)

This verse touches the heart of every true Muslim, so that his anger is soothed and his dislike towards his wife is lessened. In this way Islam protects the sacred marriage bond from being exposed to the danger of turbulent emotions and the folly of changing moods.

When a man came to ‘Umar Bin Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) and told him that he wanted to divorce his wife because he disliked her, ‘Umar said, “Woe to you! Are families only built on love? Where is your consideration and care?”

The marriage bond in Islam is of greater importance than emotional whims and rises above the pressures of wild natural passion. The true Muslim possesses enough chivalry, nobility, courtesy, perseverance, generosity and strength of character to make him rise above any dislike for his wife in his dealings with her. Far be it from him to be guided by only mindless animal instincts or for making a profit!

The true Muslim doesn’t but obey his Lord; so he treats his wife well even if he dislikes her, because he understands the injunctions of his All-Wise Lord about matters that are hidden from him, and they are far too many. A man may dislike something and try to distance himself from it, when in fact it is full of goodness and blessing. The true Muslim knows how to love and how to hate. Love is not blind for him, neither does he go to extremes of dislike and hatred, but in either case his attitude is moderate and balanced.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) explained that even if a husband dislikes his believing Muslim wife, she will still have some favorable characteristics which will please him, so he should not ignore the good side of her character and focus only on the negative aspects:

“No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, there will be others that would please him.” (Muslim)

– Published by International Islamic Publishing House, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

How To Win The Heart Of Husband?

10. Use your `Fitnah’ to win the heart of your husband
All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah – Azza wa Jal – has bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband.

9. When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting
Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, and a clean bedroom – what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him.

8. Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn and try to imitate them
The Qur’an and Sunnah describe the women in Jannah with certain characteristics. Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes to `enlarge’ them, and sing to your husband.

7. Always wear jewelry and dress up in the house.
From the early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and worn pretty dresses – as described in the Qur’an. As a wife, continue to use the jewelry that you have and the pretty dresses for your husband.

6. Joke and play games with your husband.
A man’s secret: they seek women who are lighthearted and have a sense of humor. As Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh.

5. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then thank him again.
This is one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.

4. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple `I’m sorry’ even if it is not your fault.
When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, “Look, I’m sorry. Let’s be friends.”

3. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
Rasul Allah – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – taught us that any woman who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her shall enter Jannah. So .. please him.

2. Listen and Obey!
Obeying your husband is Fard! Your husband is the Ameer of the household. Give him that right and respect.

1. Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful.
All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah ta’ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on – by the Mercy of Allah ta’ala – into Jannah.

And Allah knows best