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Muslim Spouse Selection

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well-educated young man, whose parents emphasized for him to get married. They had seen many marriage proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was becoming a little ridiculous or suspected he might have someone else in mind.

However every time the parents left the girls’ house, the young man would always say “She’s not the one!” The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (Which was hard to find). However one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet a girl, who was religious and practicing.

On that evening, the young man and girl were left to talk and ask each other questions (as one would expect). The young man, being a gentleman, he was allowed, the young lady to ask first.

The young girl asked the young man so many questions. She asked about his life, his education, his friends, his family, his habits, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his time pass, his experiences, his shoe size, and his likes and dislikes. Everything! And the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring and politely with a smile. The young girl took up nearly all of the time, over an hour, and felt bad and asked the young man do you have any questions?

The young man said, yes, I only have 3 questions…

The young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, go ahead and shoot.
Young man’s first question was, (1) Who do you love the most in the world, someone whose love nothing would ever overcome? She said this is an easy question! The answer to your question is my mother.

The young man smiled and asked second question, (2) You said that you read a lot of Qur’an, could you tell me which Surahs you know the meaning of? Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said I do not know the meaning of any yet, but I hope to soon Inshallah I have just been a bit busy.

The third question the young man asked, was (3) I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are much prettier than you, why should I marry you? Hearing this, the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury and said I do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty and intelligence.

And the young man and his parents have left again without an agreement of marriage. This time, the young man’s parents were really angry and said what did you do to anger that young girl, the family was so nice and pleasant, and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the girl? Tell us!

The young man said, firstly I asked her, who do you love the most? She said, her mother. The parents said so, what is wrong with that?

The young man said, “No one, is Muslim until he loves Allah (SWT) and his Messenger more than anyone else in the world.” If a woman loves Allah (SWT) and the Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) more than anyone, she will love me respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love and fear for Allah (SWT). And we can share this love because this love is greater than lust for beauty.

The young man said, then I asked, you read a lot of Holy Qur’an, can you tell me the meaning of any Surah? And she said no. because I haven’t had time yet. So I remembered the saying of Imam Shafi’i, “All humans are dead except those who have knowledge … And all those who have knowledge are asleep, except those who do good deeds .. And those who do good are deceived, except those who are sincere … And those who are sincere are always in a state of worry (for others).”

She has lived 20 years on this earth and has not found any time, to seek knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights and responsibilities and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman is the Madrasah (school) and the best of teachers. And a woman, who has no time for Allah (SWT), will not have time for her husband. The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, more prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose her? That is why she stormed off, getting angry.

The young man’s parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing; we are going back there to apologize. The young man said I said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.

Holy Prophet Muhammad said “Do not get angry, do not get angry, do not get angry” repeatedly when asked how to become pious, because anger is from Satan.

If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she just met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband? So, the moral of this story is, that a marriage is based on: Knowledge not looks, Practice not preaching, Forgiveness not anger, Spiritual love not lust and compromise!

One should look for a person who (1) Has love for Allah (SWT) and his Messenger (2) Knows the deen (religion), and can act upon it (3) can control her anger, and another important and crucial factor that she is (4) willing to compromise. And it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same things. May Allah (SWT) make every marriage a success and let us create Love for Allah and his Messenger so that Allah (SWT) can bless us, and create love in our lives.

There is no better structure founded in Islam other than marriage. Holy Prophet Muhammad(PBUH)

50 Things To Know About Marriage

  1. Great relationships don’t just happen; they are created. You have to work at it.

  2. If your job takes all of your best energy, your marriage will suffer.

  3. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your own happiness.

  4. It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time.

  5. When you complain about your spouse to your friends (which you shouldn’t), remember that their feedback can be distorted.

  6. The only rules in your marriage are those you both choose to agree with.

  7. It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that you hold for a long time.

  8. It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you have.

  9. If you think you are too good for your spouse, think again.

  10. Growing up in a happy household doesn’t ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa.

  11. It’s never too late to repair damaged trust.

  12. The real issue is usually not the one you are arguing about.

  13. Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed through our actions.

  14. Expectations set us up for disappointment and resentment.

  15. Arguments cannot be avoided, but destructive arguments can be avoided.

  16. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is focused attention.

  17. Even people with happy marriages sometimes worry that they married the wrong person.

  18. Your spouse cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you rescue yourself.

  19. The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.

  20. Your opinion is not necessarily the truth.

  21. Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.

  22. Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you really want.

  23. Don’t neglect your friends.

  24. If you think, “You are not the person I married,” you are probably right.

  25. Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.

  26. Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a good marriage.

  27. If your spouse is being defensive, you might be giving them reasons to be like that.

  28. Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.

  29. You can pay now or pay later, but the later you pay, the more interest and penalties you acquire.

  30. Marriage requires sacrifice, but your benefits outweigh your costs.

  31. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continuous process.

  32. Accepting the challenges of marriage will shape you into a better person.

  33. Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.

  34. A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than with what you’ve experienced in the past.

  35. Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.

  36. There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.

  37. One of the greatest questions to ask your spouse is “How best can I love you?”

  38. Marriage can stay fresh over time.

  39. Assumptions are fine as long as you check them before acting upon them.

  40. Intention may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.

  41. Good sex won’t make your marriage, but it’ll help.

  42. Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.

  43. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.

  44. Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.

  45. If your spouse thinks something is important, then it is.

  46. Marriage never outgrows the need for romance.

  47. The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.

  48. There is violence in silence when it’s used as a weapon.

  49. It’s better to focus on what you can do to make things right, than what your partner did to make things wrong.

  50. If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.

– Excerpt from ‘Fiqh of Love’ seminar by Al-Maghrib Institute

Rights Of The Husband Over The Wife

In this section, we will discuss the following rights of the husband over the wife or obligations of the wife toward her husband:

Being the Head of the Household

When one thinks of the rights of the husband, this is probably one of the first things which come to mind. However, a serious question must be asked: Is this a right of the husband or another right of the wife? Allah said: {Men are in charge of women by that with which Allah has preferred some of them over others and by that which they spend from their property. So the pious women are obedient protecting in absence that which Allah has protected…} An-Nisaa:34

The verse seems to present a great right of the husband over the wife. Upon deeper thought, it is clear that this verse actually points to the right of the wife and the obligation of the husband. The word “in charge of” in Arabic indicates also support, protection, and responsibility on the part of the husband for his wife. This does not just mean that he is the “boss” or the dictator in the house and whatever he says goes. Rather, it means that he has a heavy obligation to lead his family. Remember the hadith from the previous section, where in one version of the hadith about the “shepherds”, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) continues: “…until the man will be asked about the people in his household: did he establish among them the law of Allah or did he allow it to become lost?”

Like any kind of leader or ruler, he will be held accountable before Allah Most High: did he make the decision that is most befitting for his family in this life and the hereafter or did he simply follow his desires? Did he do what was just and right or simply do what he liked to do?

In Allah’s infinite wisdom, he did not leave the basic foundation of Islamic society – the family – without organization, leadership, and guidance. It is clear upon the husband’s shoulders and is his responsibility. It is upon him to fulfill that responsibility in the correct manner.

Likewise, Muslim women must learn to accept this situation and the ruling of Allah Most High. They should resist becoming like the disbelieving women, particularly in the “West”, who are trying to take over as head of the household or think that it should be shared equally between the two spouses. The rapid degeneration and disappearance of the institution of marriage since the spreading of this corrupt belief is the clearest proof of all that it is not only against Allah’s order and His plan for us but also against human nature and completely out of touch with reality and unworkable. I believe that the latest figures are that over HALF of the children in the U.S. are being raised in single-parent homes!

Women who follow the kuffar and their own desires in being jealous of the man’s role and trying to claim some or all of it for themselves should think about the hadith of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam): “Allah’s Messenger (SAS) cursed manly women.”

Again, like all rights and obligations in Islam (in marriage and other areas), it is important that BOTH parties understand them and exert their best efforts to apply them in a way that is pleasing to Allah Most High.

To Be Obeyed

As we saw in the verse from An-Nisaa quoted previously, it is the right of the husband that his wife obeys him. This obedience, however, does not include anything which is disobedience to Allah. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: “No obedience in what is sinful. Obedience is only in what is right.” Muslim & Bukhari

Two things are now clear:
1) a woman is obligated to obey her husband, and
2) no Muslim may obey anyone in what is disobedience to Allah.
Additionally, one strong opinion limits the required obedience of the wife to those duties described in this chapter. In other words, the husband should not seek to control every detail of her life, even in things that have no direct impact on his rights as her husband.

What happens if there is a conflict between obeying one’s husband and obeying one’s parents? Scholars have taken two opinions on this matter. One that obedience to the husband always takes precedence over obedience to parents. Others have taken the position that obedience to one’s parents takes precedence since Allah has described being undutiful to one’s parents as one of the greatest sins after associating partners with Allah.

First of all, it is clear that the obligation of every Muslim toward their parents is very great just as the obligation of a Muslim wife to respect and obey her husband is very great. Parents should be aware that they have entered their daughter into a contract that requires her to obey her husband. Likewise, husbands should be aware of the fact that their wives have a great obligation toward their parents. When these two come into conflict, someone is probably not acting properly.

When the two do come into conflict, it seems clear that the strongest opinion is that the rights of the husband take precedence over the rights of her parents, as in the following hadith from Aisha: “I asked the Prophet (SAS): Who has the greatest right over a woman? He (SAS) said: Her husband. I said: And who has the greatest right over a man? He (SAS) said: His mother.” (Al-Haakim – taken from Fiqh As-Sunnah

Physical Relations

It is the obligation of the wife to respond whenever her husband calls her to come to bed unless there is a strong reason why she cannot. Again, like in the issue of leadership, this is the way that Allah has given us to live which is best for us – since nothing we do or do not do cannot in any way harm or benefit Allah Most High. Thus, when women resist this and insist on being the ones who call the shots in this regard or that it is somehow 50/50, it is only the two of them who will suffer. It will lead to frustration, marital discord, and the husband’s desire to seek fulfillment of his needs elsewhere. If he ends up turning to the haram, then very great harm indeed has been inflicted upon society. This point is clear from many hadith, among them: “Whenever a man calls his wife for his desire, let her come to him even if she is occupied at the oven.” At-Tirmidhi (sahih)

Thus, a wife must be responsive to her husband even if that involves wasting of some wealth (by burning the bread). Because the social consequences of this breaking down are so serious, the danger to a woman who fails to respect it is very serious. The Prophet (SAS) said:  “Whenever a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses to come, the angels curse her until morning.” Al-Bukhari

Even extra acts of prayer and fasting must be curtailed if they interfere with a man’s desire for his wife’s company.

Control Over Who Enters the House

It is established from many hadith that the wife is not to allow anyone inside if she knows that her husband does not like for that person to be in the house (male or female). This is the second right of the husband over the wife, as the Prophet (SAS) mentioned in the hadith: “…And that she should not admit anyone to his house except with his permission…” Muslim & Bukhari

The permission referred to here does not have to be explicit for every individual. If the wife knows or has good reason to believe that her husband would not object to a particular individual, then she may allow them into the house.

That She Not Leave the House Without His Permission

The best place for a Muslim woman is in her house. When Allah addressed the wives of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and ordered them (and, by extension, all of the Muslim women) to remain primarily in their homes, he associated the desire of women to be “out” and to display themselves with the jahiliya (the age of foolishness): {And stay in your homes and do not display yourselves like the ways of the time of ignorance. And establish the prayer, pay the zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger…} Al-Ahzaab:33

The scholars of Tafseer state that, although the verse is explicitly directed at the wives of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam), the general principle applies to all Muslim women and wives in particular – that they should not leave the house except for a legitimate purpose such as going to the masjid, seeking knowledge, shopping for household needs, etc. and that if they are married, they may not do that except with their husband’s permission. This is a point of very wide agreement among the scholars, although there doesn’t seem to be any clear and sound hadith that states it. Although the following hadith VERY strongly indicates that this is the case: “If the wife of any of you seeks permission to go to the masjid, he may not prevent her.” Muslim & Bukhari

As with any right which a person may possess, this right should be used in the right fashion and not be misused such that it leads to harm and distress. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: “No inflicting of harm and no reciprocating of harm.” A contemporary author, Faihaan Al-Mutairi said about this:

“If a man disallows his wife from leaving the house, out of fear and honor for her, then he must not let her feel that she is a prisoner in the house and that she was only created to serve him and serve the children. Instead, he must choose a day out of the week, or less or more, according to the need and ability, to walk with his wife and children in a place that is free of temptations so that they may become happy in their hearts and out of fear of boredom. The one who studies Shari’a finds this aspect to be very clear, that is, the aspect of one sporting with his wife and trying to make her happy. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) went out with his wife, the Mother of the Believers, Aisha(R.A.), and raced with her. It is confirmed that Aisha said: “The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) raced with me and I beat him. After a while when I became heavier, he raced me and beat me and said: “This one is for that one.”

So those Muslims who expect their wives to stay in the house 24 hrs. per day and 7 days per week are not truly following the sunnah. Rather, they have invented an innovation that will only serve to drive women and children away from Islam.

Housework

The rights which have been stated so far are non-controversial and agreed upon among the scholars. The duty of the wife to take care of housework such as cooking, cleaning and generally serving her husband in the house is an issue about which there are different opinions. Definitely, this is and has always been the custom of the Muslims, all the way back to the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and his Companions. It is part of the ihsaan (good treatment) which should be exchanged between husband and wife. That is not quite the same, however, as saying that it is the husband’s right. If that is the case, then she would be committing a sin if she failed to fulfill it.

Clearly, the safe way is the way of all of the female Companions of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) who used to serve their husbands in this regard. If they had servants to help them, fine. If not, they used to handle the housework, cooking, and cleaning. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) himself, our best example in this regard, used to help his wives with these chores.

There are many scholars on both sides of this issue as to the obligatoriness of these services. The strongest argument they are in the following hadith of Husain ibn Muhsin that the Prophet (SAS) asked his aunt if she was married. When she answered in the affirmative, he said:

“How are you with respect to him?” She answered: ‘I do not fail in obeying him save in those things that I am incapable of doing.’ The Prophet (SAS) told her: “Look to how you are with respect to him for he is your paradise and your hell-fire.” Ahmad & others (acceptable according to Al-Albaani).

Al-Albaani states that this hadith is proof that a woman must serve her husband according to her ability, the first of such obligations is the bringing up of the children.

To Be Thanked for His Actions

Gratitude is one of the most important characteristics of a believer. A Muslim is grateful both to Allah for His infinite mercies and also to people who do well by him/her. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: “The most grateful people to Allah Blessed and High are the most thankful of them to others.” Ahmad

“Those who do not thank people do not thank Allah.” Abu Daud & others

Although it is an obligation of the husband to look after his wife, this does not mean that she should not be thankful to him for his kindness and his efforts in looking after her welfare and happiness. This is something fundamental that should exist between husband and wife. Each of them should acknowledge the efforts of the other, show them gratitude, and repay them in kindness. Allah said: {Is the reward for good deeds extended anything other than good deeds (returned)} Ar-Rahman:60

It would seem from various hadith that it is specifically necessary for the wife to remind herself of this principle. Perhaps since a large part of the husband’s contribution to the household takes place as working outside of the home, she may tend to overlook it. This seems to be a common characteristic of women as can be seen in the following hadith of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) after his night journey to see heaven, hell, and Jerusalem:

“…and I saw most of its inhabitants (i.e., hell-fire) women. They said: Why, O Messenger of Allah? He said: Because of their kufr. It was said: Their kufr toward Allah? He (SAS) said: Their kufr toward their mate and they commit kufr (ingratitude) of good deeds extended even if you extend good deeds to one of them forever but then she sees something from who (which she dislikes) she says: I have never seen any good from you.” Muslim & Bukhari

In another hadith, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) warns wives in a similar manner: “Allah does not look at a woman who does not thank her husband while she cannot do without him.” Al-Hakim (acceptable per Sh. Al-Albani)

She Does Not Fast (Voluntarily) Without His Permission

The Prophet (SAS) said: “It is not lawful for a woman to fast while her husband is resident except with his permission.” Muslim & Bukhari

Conclusion: The Importance of Fulfilling the Husband’s Rights

The Prophet (SAS) gave all-encompassing advice to Muslim women in the following hadith: “When any woman prays her five, fasts her month, guards her body and obeys her husband it is said to her: Enter paradise from whichever of its doors you wish.” Ibn Hibban (sahih per Al-Albani)

Losing Hope In Finding A Spouse

We learn from the guidance of the Beloved of Allah to seek the strongest and most effective means available while placing one’s trust in Allah.

Sayyiduna Umar (Allah be pleased with him) said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) say, “If you relied on Allah as He should be relied on, He would provide for you as He provides for birds. They go out hungry in the early morning, and return full in the evening.” [Tirmidhi] . The scholars note that birds do not merely place their trust in Allah: they go out early and take all means to fulfill their goals.

In every community, there are people who set up marriages, who know suitable would-be spouses, and who should be sought out if one wants to marry. If it does not work through one’s family, try going through other elders in the community (such as one’s friends’ parents, community leaders, imams of mosques, marriage services, etc.)

Perform the Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja): make wudu and perform 2 rakats after which you make heartfelt supplication, asking for a suitable spouse.

Be certain that Allah will answer your duas, in the best of ways:
“Say (unto them, O Muhammad): Who provides for you from the sky and the earth, or Who owns hearing and sight; and Who brings forth the living from the dead and bringeth forth the dead from the living; and Who directs the course? They will say, Allah. Then say: Will you not then keep your duty (unto Him) ?” [Qur’an, 10.31]

Allah reminds us:
“And in the heaven is your providence and that which you are promised;

And by the Lord of the heavens and the earth, it is the truth, even as (it is true) that you speak.” [51.22-23]

So keep taking the best of means, with complete trust in Allah and certainty that if you do that which He has asked of you, He will most certainly give you all that is best for you, in this life and the next.

Allah tells us:
“The devil promises you destitution and enjoins on you lewdness. But Allah promises you forgiveness from Himself with bounty. Allah is All-Embracing, All-knowing.” [Qur’an, 2.268]

And:
“And the believers, men, and women are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise.

Allah promises to the believers, men and women, Gardens underneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide – blessed dwellings in Gardens of Eden. And – greater (far)! – acceptance from Allah. That is the supreme triumph.” [Qur’an, 9.71]

And be patient. The Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) reminded us that:
“No tiredness, illness, difficulty, sorrow, harm or sadness afflicts a Muslim, even to a thorn pricking him, without Allah wiping away his errors through it.” [Recorded by Bukhari and Muslim, from Abu Sa’id and Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with them)]

And Allah alone gives success.

Women In Islamic Society – When Looking For A Spouse

In most societies, the normal practice is that the prospective husband will propose marriage. A woman normally holds back from suggesting marriage, feeling that she should be sought after. This applies to families as well. The woman’s family would not initiate a proposal unless the woman’s father or guardian is certain that, if he were to suggest marriage, his proposal will be received well by the man concerned. The Prophet received proposals from several women who thought that they could not do better than being married to him. This normally took the form of the woman saying to the Prophet that she would gift herself to him. It is understood that the gift is one of marriage. In Islam, a woman cannot gift herself to a man in this way, but this was allowed for the Prophet only. The Prophet could take her as a wife, but he normally decided her case as her guardian. This special privilege given to the Prophet is stated in the Qur’an, in a verse that outlines women who are lawful to marry. The verse says in this particular case:

“And any believing woman who offers herself freely to the Prophet and whom the Prophet might be willing to wed: (this latter) applies to you alone and not to other believers.” (33: 50)

Needless to say, at the time when a proposal of marriage is made, the man and the woman will need to meet and discuss matters in order to carry the proposal forward or withdraw it. Sahl Ibn Saad reports: “A woman came to the Prophet and said: ‘Messenger of God! I have come to offer myself to you as a gift…’ The Prophet repeatedly looked up and down at her, then he lowered his head. When the woman realized that he has made no decision concerning her, she sat down.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.) Another version of this Hadith adds that the Prophet said to her: “I have no need for women nowadays.”

Commenting on this Hadith, Imam Ibn Hajar, who wrote an extensive commentary on Al-Bukhari’s authentic anthology in 14 large volumes, says: “This Hadith gives us several important points… One of these is the permissibility of looking carefully at a woman’s attractions when one is thinking of marrying her, even though such thoughts of marriage were not entertained earlier, nor was a proposal made. We see that the Prophet looked repeatedly at the woman, moving his looks up and down. The Hadith is stated in a way that implies a serious, long look. Needless to say, the Prophet did not consider marrying this woman prior to her proposal. He indeed told her that he had no desire at the time to go into a new marriage. Yet he looked seriously at her, which suggests that had he seen in her something that was attractive to him, he would have married her. Otherwise, he would not have looked so intently at her.”

Ibn Hajar suggests that the Hadith may be understood in other ways. We, however, prefer the view we have quoted because this is supported by other Hadiths that encourage looking at a woman if one intends to marry her. The present case is not dissimilar to that of a man making a proposal. This is supported by the following Hadith: “When the Muslims from Makkah arrived in Madinah, the Prophet established a bond of brotherhood between them and the Muslims from Madinah. He made Abd Al-Rahman Ibn Awf and Saad Ibn Al-Rabie brothers. Saad said to Abd Al-Rahman: ‘I am one of the richest people among the Ansar. I will share my wealth equally with you. I also have two wives. Look at them and tell me which one you prefer. I will divorce her and when she finishes her waiting period, you can marry her.’ Abd Al-Rahman said: ‘May God give you much blessing in both your family and your wealth…” (Related by Al-Bukhari.) Ibn Hajar comments that this Hadith confirms that it is proper that a woman looks carefully at a woman when he wants to propose marriage to her.

Perhaps we should add here that Abd Al-Rahman was as noble as his brother. He declined to take any money but started a business of his own to earn his living. Nor did he take the offer of marrying one of his brother’s wives after she is divorced. When his business took off, he married someone else.

It is also permissible for a woman to propose marriage to a man whom she thinks to be a good husband. Thabit Al-Bannani reports: “I was at Anas’ place, with one of his daughters present. Anas mentioned that a woman came to the Prophet offering to marry him. She said: Messenger of God! Would you like to marry me?’ Anas’ daughter said: ‘How shameless of her!’ He said to her: ‘She is better than you. She wished to marry the Prophet and she went to him suggesting that.” (Related by Al-Bukhari.)

Al-Bukhari enters this Hadith under the heading: “A woman’s proposal to marry a good man.” In his commentary on this Hadith, Ibn Hajar quotes Ibn Al-Muneer: “A subtle note by Al-Bukhari is that realizing the special privilege involved in this Hadith, he highlighted what is generally applicable, representing no privilege, which is the permissibility of a woman making a proposal to a good and pious man, thinking that she will be happy with him because of his piety.” Ibn Hajar adds: “There is nothing to be taken against a woman who wishes to marry someone who is in a better position than hers, particularly if her motive is a good one, either because the man is virtuous, or because she admires him to the point that it is feared that something wrong may happen unless such a proposal is made.”

We may add here a verse from the Qur’an mentioning a proposal made to a man by the father of a pious woman. The man concerned is Moses, but this took place long before he became a prophet. He had fled from Egypt where he was in danger of being killed. In Madyan, he helped two girls give water to their sheep. Then one of them invited him to meet her father, who was a pious man. When the father learned Moses’ story, he offered one of his daughters to him in marriage. “(The father) said: ‘I will give you one of these two daughters of mine in marriage on the understanding that you will remain eight years in my service. If you should complete ten years, it will be your own choice. I do not wish to impose any hardship on you. You will find me, if God so wills, an upright man.” (28: 27)
Moses accepted the proposal, married the girl, and spent ten years helping her father. Needless to say, had there been anything unacceptable in this story, the Qur’an would have made that clear.

Choosing The Desired Wife

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions. When marriage is spoken of during these “modern” times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that “perfect” companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on. The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately, we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.

When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (s.a.w) echoes on, when he said: “O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality…”

When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is.

As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us and that His Prophet (s.a.w) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advice of our own Creator and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.

Who To Marry
Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed.” This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery.

True, beauty and charm are hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway. In another hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w) said: “The whole world is a provision and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.”

Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman! This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah (s.a.w), who himself when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned a pious woman. Once the following ayah was revealed:
“They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): ‘Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard’ “[al-Taubah: 34-35].

Umar (r.a.a) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (s.a.w), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (s.a.w) replied that the best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husband’s property when he is away. Abu Bakr once asked Rasulallah (s.a.w) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (s.a.w) replied: “the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds”. Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person?

Qualities Of The Pious Woman
Alright, you say, you’ve convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Quran, and in the ahadith, there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.

The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities.

“And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity”[s.24;v.26]

“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard”[s.4;v.34]

“It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast…”[s.66;v.5].

And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes:

a Muslim woman
a believing woman
a devout woman
a true woman
a woman who is patient and constant
a woman who humbles herself
a woman who gives charity
a woman who fasts and denies herself
a woman who guards her chastity
a woman who engages much in Allah’s praise.
Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities:
“O, Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down”[s.3;v.43].

Another was the wife of Pharaoh: “And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: ‘O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden’ “[s.66;v.11].

The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab:

“(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her.”

Ahh, you think, but you’ll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore, those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn’t exist, yet

“if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good”[s.4;v.19].

Remember also that you are not perfect either.

KNOWING WHO SHE IS To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and the first one relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should “lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments,” and also that they “should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments”[s.24;v.31]. If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely conversing with males- keep far, far away. I’m sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other “just good friends”.

Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye- contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don’t stress on her weak ones.

Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no one knows her heart and intentions, no one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.

Trust In Allah
We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try to combine marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge.

Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help and prove our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom.

Islam is likened to being a house, and in my estimation, nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.

It is related to the authority of Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah that the Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special dua (known as an istikharah), guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. Rasulallah (s.a.w) said: “When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two Rakat of nafl salaat and read the dua (dua of istikharah).”

I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this dua, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn’t we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him.

Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the dua, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.

The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of an istikharah, because not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah’s guidance once you’ve asked for it. Also, you should firstly clear your mind,
not have your mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah: “I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord.” Allah,
the Responsive answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage. We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Quran.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha: “I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to
me in a silk cloth and he said: ‘Here is your wife’, and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: ‘if this is from Allah, let Him carry it out “.

Marriage is a serious step and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn’t that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the carer of your children. Don’t marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent.

When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us: “For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them”[s.7;v.189]. Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say: “Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous”[al-Furqan,74].

I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us. Allah says: “Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him”[s.3;v.159].

May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves.

“When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way”[al-Baqarah,v.186].

Husband’s Responsibility, Etiquette Towards His Wife

It is certainly not a deficiency, but rather good manners, that the husband shares responsibility in household work like mending garments or what is similar to that. The wife takes care of the household affairs. So, it is from good manners that the husband extends a helping hand to his wife in the house during times of necessity such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth, etc. A man should not feel shy in serving himself.

The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by keeping good relations and showing kind manners (to her). Truly, the husbands who help their wives in their work are the best of mankind in the view of Islam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply embedded into the daily marital life, even if the matter were to reach a divorce.

Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness. For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.

Among the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. Extravagance in food, drink, and clothing leads to the door of forbidden things in the Religion.

No human being is perfect. So no doubt the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then he should not try to change her personality to make it comply with his preferences.

He must always remember that for each one of the couple, there will be an aspect of one’s personality that conflicts with the other’s personality. The husband should always remember that if he doesn’t like some things in his wife, then indeed she will have other characteristics that are definitely pleasing to him.

Do not look for the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook each other’s mistakes.

If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.

Do not belittle the importance of correcting your wife if she does things that go against Religion. This should be the main, if not the only reason that should cause you to become angry.

The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the upkeep of the house.

Beware of scolding your wife in presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is unsuitable behavior that turns the hearts of people against each other.

Having protective jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However, it is on the condition that you do not go to great lengths in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.

Beware of divulging any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.

Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.

Guardianship of your wife doesn’t mean that you can exploit what Allah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.

Showing respect and kindness to your wife’s family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death.

Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much and lose respect.

Fulfilling the conditions that you promised your wife in the marriage contract is very important. So do not neglect that after getting married.

When you advise her or simply talk to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.

Do not overburden your wife with chores that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Working in a rural atmosphere is not like that in urban places. What a strong woman is prepared for and able to do, cannot be done by a weak woman.

5 Questions Before You Take The Plunge

BOOKS can be written – and indeed, have been written – on scores of pre-marital questions to ask prospective spouses. From ‘1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married’ to ‘The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say I Do’ to ‘Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts: 7 Questions to Ask Before and After Marriage’ bookstores are inundated with self-help books that indicate that the phenomenon of getting married and staying married is being taken seriously.

Among Muslims, a woman’s wali (legal guardian) is often assigned the important, but uncomfortable task of playing Grand Inquisitor and giving prospective suitors a thorough grilling that would do the FBI proud, in order to protect a woman’s best interests. Parents, siblings and potential spouses themselves prepare lists of questions in the getting-to-know-each-other phase, that provide clues to a prospective spouse’s personality and so, by extension, a couple’s compatibility.

Yet, given the spiraling divorce rate and the widespread heartbreak, bitterness and social chaos that are left in its wake – the brunt of which is mostly borne by women – something seems to be amiss. Perhaps the wrong people are being asked the wrong questions; perhaps it’s time to question ourselves before we set out to question others?

1. Why do I want to get married?
It’s easy to come up with an automatic, almost Pavlovian answer: marriage is half of the Deen (religion); it is a means of preserving one’s chastity and fulfilling biological and psychological/social needs in a legitimate way.

However, Hadeeth says: every deed is based upon the intention. It’s important to be clear in one’s own mind why one is seeking marriage: Is it because “everyone” I know is getting married? Is it because of parental or community pressure? Is it because the biological clock is ticking away? Is it because I’ve found Mr. Right? Is it because I’m tired of waiting for Mr. Right? Is it because I like weddings and the idea of being a wife? Is it because I’m seeking financial and social security? Is it because I feel I can learn from my spouse and grow in the Deen?

These questions may sound inane at the outset, but the answers come in handy, when several years down the lane, women may find themselves wondering: “Why did I ever get married to this person?”

2. Am I looking for the right qualities in a spouse?
There is a Hadeeth that enumerates the four qualities that are generally considered desirable from the point of view of marriage: Maal (property/wealth), Jamaal (beauty), Nasab (lineage), and Deen (religion) and recommends that the best choice is to choose a woman based upon her Deen.

The same may hold true the other way around – men are often chosen for a variety of cultural, social, financial, educational, personal, and even physiognomic considerations, but the recommendation of the Prophet (peace be upon him) remains the best bet for a blessed marriage – the other details vary from person to person, and are largely incidental, not basic, to marital happiness.

What does it mean to choose a person on the basis of their Deen? Does it mean to choose the graduate of an Islamic university, a charismatic community leader, or caller to Islam on the basis of their public persona? Or does it mean to choose someone whose personal life, manners, and behavior reflect the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him)?

Since Muslim men are accorded the role of Qawwaam (protector, provider, leader) in marital relationships, it would be best to ask one: Do I look up to this person? Does he inspire trust? Is he knowledgeable and capable of exercising good judgment? Can I bring myself to follow his lead in life? Will he be a good example to my children?

3. What will I be contributing to the marriage?
The maxim: “Ask not what your marriage can do for you; ask what you can do for your marriage” holds eternally true. Many women enter marriage with unrealistic expectations – of themselves, their spouses, and the entire marital experience. One’s level of preparedness for marriage goes beyond wedding planners, homemaking skills, and trousseau shopping – it extends to an entire mindset.

Am I willing to commit time, patience, enthusiasm, and loyalty to the relationship? Will I be contributing an element of reason and maturity? Will I be more mindful of taking my rights or giving them? According to the Qur’an, spouses have the right to expect closeness and companionship, love and mercy from each other. Do I have the generosity of spirit to give and receive all that?

4. How am I going to deal with differences and disagreements?
It’s naive to believe that marriages will never run into troubled waters – Islam clearly enunciates a Plan B, recommending that family members and knowledgeable community elders from both sides counsel and mediate at such times. Even in the worst possible scenario – divorce – the Qur’an recommends “staying together by Ma’aroof (mutually acceptable/amicable means) or parting with Ihsaan (moral excellence).” (Qur’an, 2: 229)
It may be worthwhile to evaluate: How do I react to trouble – with patience and reasoning or fits of temper and pique? Am I willing to accept another point of view or well-meaning advice in good faith and good humor? Do I have the tendency to bear long-term grudges or am I quick to forgive and forget? Can I disagree respectfully, without regressing to vitriolic recrimination?

5. What is it going to be like to be married to me?
Marriage counselors consider this an indispensable question to ask oneself. It is relatively easy to extrospect – to be so caught up in drawing out lists of must-have qualities in a prospective spouse, that one neglects to introspect: What sort of a wife would I make – would I be someone who would enrich and inspire? Would I be someone with whom my spouse would “dwell in tranquility”? The Du’a of the believers in the Qur’an is: “O Lord! Grant us wives and offspring who comfort our eyes…” (Qur’an, 25:74)

The question is: Do I have it in me to be the personification of such a prayer?

Khulu In Islam

Khulu is divorce on the instance of the wife’s request in Islam, who must pay her husband compensation in order for him to accept divorcing her.

If marriage were not based on love, affection, comfort, and agreement between the two spouses, life then would turn into misery rather happiness and comfort. Marriage, in such a case, would no longer be harmony, peace of mind, and comfort, but rather hardship and adversity.

If one of the spouses hated the other or doesn’t trust him, there would be no hope for marriage continuation.

Allah (subhanahu wa taala) states in Quran Sura Nisa (4:19):” On the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good”.

Islam legalized khulu however when life with the other spouse becomes unbearable. Of course, divorce normally is a right to the husband; therefore, he can issue it when he feels fit.

However, if the wife hates the life with her husband and could no longer take it, then, in such a case, she may demand divorce by the process of Khulu, paying the husband compensation for what he had already paid her in order to terminate the marriage.

This is justice in the best form, we believe.
A husband paid the dowry, bore the marriage expenses, and paid other expenses as well.

Allah (subhanahu wa taala) states in Quran Sura Baqarah (2:229):” It is not lawful for you, [men], to take back any of your gifts (from your wives), except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah.

If ye [judges] do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah, there is no blame on either of them if she gives something for her freedom.

These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them if any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah, such persons wrong [themselves as well as others]”.

Islam aims at preserving people’s honor and dignity. Islam also aims to protect and secure society by closing all doors for possible social corruption. The presence of a husband with a woman whom he does not like, and vice versa, would very likely lead to suspicious and unlawful relationships.

Therefore, Islam legalized divorce.

The evidence for that from the Sunnah is that the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays ibn Shammaas (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I do not find any fault with Thaabit ibn Qays in his character or his religious commitment, but I do not want to commit any act of kufr after becoming a Muslim.”

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to her, “Will you give back his garden?” Because he had given her a garden as her mahr.

She said, “Yes.”

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to Thaabit: “Take back your garden, and divorce her.”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5273).

Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) states in Quran Sura Nisa (4:130):” But if they disagree [and must part], Allah will provide abundance for all from His All-Reaching bounty: for Allah is He that careth for all and is Wise”.

Divorce In Islam

Islam regards the marriage bonds as sacred and blessed. As such, Islam is keen to strengthen the relationship between the two spouses. Allah (subhanahu wa taala) indicates the great value of the marriage bond in Quran Sura Nisa (4:21):” And how could ye take it when ye have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant”.

In fact, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which read as follows:” Iblis [Satan], places his throne on water and sends his troops. The closest one [of his troops to him] is that who has the greatest trail and temptation [to mankind]. As such, Satan would bring that member of his troop closer to him [in honor and respect for what he did]. One of the members of Satan’s troops would come forward and reports what [evil activities] he did. Satan would comment: ‘You did not do anything. Then another one of his troops would come forward and report: I did not leave that man [a husband] until I separated him from his wife. Satan would bring that one of the members of his troop closer to him [in honor and respect] saying: Yes indeed. It is you [who deserves the honor]” [65].

Similarly, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) demonstrated the respect and honor of the marriage bond by saying, which read as follows:” He is not considered among us [Muslims], who turns a woman against her husband” [66].

Although Islam places great importance on marriage integrity and declares it holy and honorable, yet Islam legalizes divorce that breaks this great bond. Nevertheless, Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have described divorce, which read as follows:” The most hatred lawful item in the Sight of Allah (subhanahu wa taala) is divorce” [67].

Islam reached this decision when marriage reaches a dead end between the two spouses and there is no other solution except divorce. Islam is keen to protect the Muslim family and the Islamic society.

The anti-social behavior of the husband or wife can cause chaos in society. Such chaos may very well lead to mixed lineage, falsified inheritance, deprivation of genuine rights, and the spread of indecency in the community.

Although divorce is lawful, it is still well restricted. In fact, divorce is not a toy in the hand of the person, which he may use it anyway when he or she likes. Muslim scholars illustrate that divorce must take one of the four following forms:
Divorce may be compulsory when the two assigned referees decide it in the case of the disputed spouses.

Allah (subhanahu wa taala) states in Quran Sura Nisa (4:35):” If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: for Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things”.

Divorce is unlawful if there is no sound and visible reason or ground for it.

Divorce is permissible if the husband or wife is vicious in terms of character and attitudes.

Divorce is required, if the husband or wife is not committed to the Islamic teachings, or if she is indecent or vulgar.