7 Things Your Muslim Husband Wont Tell You

Prohibition of Listening to Backbiting
Abu-Darda (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said, “He who defends the honor of his (Muslim) brother, Allah will secure his face against the Fire on the Day of Resurrection.”[At-Tirmidhi].

Commentary: If someone says something disgraceful against a Muslim, one must defend their Muslim brother (or sister, for that matter) and say that what has been stated about him or her is wrong and that he (or she) is free from the accusation made against him (or her). 255/1528 – Riyad Us-Saliheen (Gardens of the Righteous)

7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You
1. Above all, He Desires Your Respect. In Islam, men are taught from a young age that they are supposed to be the breadwinners and caretakers of their families.

You can imagine how frustrating it would be for a man who tries his best to care for his family to be married to a woman who may not respect him. She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her.

This idea is put forward in the Quran, where Allah says: “Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one
over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard.” (Chapter 4, Verse 34)
Sisters, if you fear there is a problem in your marriage, I would suggest you start here.

2. He Desires Your Loyalty
This goes hand in hand with respect. There is nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. The idea that he or she is not going to stick by you. I am not talking about infidelity. This is what usually comes to mind when people talk about loyalty in a marriage. What I am talking about is knowing that the person whom you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with is going to be there for you when you really need them.

Most men will not admit it, but they do need women. And we do need your support. And it is very troubling to be married to a woman who may not be around when the going gets tough. If you are constantly threatening divorce or separation or Khula (Islamic divorce initiated by the wife), you can expect your marriage to fizzle out very quickly.

Your husband needs to know that you are going to be by his side if:

• He loses his job, and the money gets tight.
• He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it.
• His reputation is tarnished, or his honor is attacked.

If you’re loyal to your husband, then rest assured, he will be loyal to you.

3. He Wants To Have Love More Often
Let’s get this right out into the open. Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it’s the truth. Men desire love. Men really desire love. So when you give him the following excuses:

• “I got a headache.”
• “I am not feeling good.”
• “Can’t it wait till the weekend? I am really not in the mood.”

Know that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he does not show it. And do this often enough, he is going to start resenting you. And that resentment will build up and may lead to him being unnecessarily mean to you or losing some love.

When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning. Bukhari and Muslim.
Something to think about.

4. He Thinks About Other Women
Okay, first of all, calm down. Let me explain this.

Most men think about other women.
It does not mean he is going to cheat on you.
It does not mean he is thinking about taking a second wife.
It does not mean he is fantasizing about another woman.
It just means that all (straight) men do, at some point in their lives, consider having another woman (i.e., wife).

The best way to combat these thoughts is to apply the advice given in the first three secrets:

• Respect him.
• Be loyal to him.
• Give him physical love when he wants it.

5. He Wants To Make You Happy
Why do you think men work so hard to make money? Why do you think men are willing to leave their jobs and risk starting a business? Why do you think men like buying women gifts? Because deep down, we really just want to make you happy.

Sometimes we screw it up and forget our anniversary. But we really would prefer to remember because we know it would make you happy. So when your husband buys you a gift, accept it, rejoice over it, thank him profusely, and use it as often as possible.

If he buys you some jewelry, wear it. If he buys you a new smartphone, use it. And don’t be so quick to nag him about the things he doesn’t do right. Because then he will start feeling that you do not respect (there’s that word again) the things he does do for you.

6. If You Nudge Him, He Can Be A Better Muslim
Nobody’s perfect. Perhaps your husband isn’t a Muslim scholar. Perhaps he’s not the best Muslim in the world. You can nudge him to make him better. But you can’t force him. Do little things to get him to improve his Islam.

• Offer to wake him up for Salaatul Fajr.
• Encourage him to make Salah at the Masjid.
• Tell him how much nicer he would look if he grew his beard.

This takes deliberate words, a soft touch, and careful action. No one likes to be preached to. But if you do this right, you’ll be getting a double reward: The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth. Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience. (Chapter 103, Verse 3)

7. He Loves You, Even If He Doesn’t Always Show It
I know, this one may be kinda hard to swallow. But it’s true (usually). Men are just not that good at showing emotion (unless we are talking sports or politics). We don’t tell our wives “I love you” often enough. We are not perfect. And constantly comparing us to Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ain’t helping. Of course, we are supposed to emulate him (Sallallahu alaihi wasallam) as much as we can. And for most of us, we are doing the best we can.

But we just can’t treat you the same way he (Sallallahu alaihi wasallam) treated his wives. Similarly, it is unfair for men to expect their wives to behave like Aisha (radi Allahu anha) and his other wives (radi Allahu anha) did.

Just because your husband doesn’t treat you in the way (you think) the Prophet(Sallallahu alaihi wasallam) treated his wives, doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you. It just means he is human. You must understand this.

• If he is doing his best to take care of you.
• If he does not abuse you or sleep around.
• If he sincerely tries to solve your problems and helps you in the best way he can.

Then chances are he loves you.