Husband and Wife Relationship
In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the All-Compassionate
“May the Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon You”
Praise be to Allah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allah from the evil of our souls and our bad deeds.
Whomsoever Allah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
God says in the Quran, “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” [30:21]
“O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the dower you have given them, -except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary, live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.” [4:19]
Marriage brings happiness and security to both the husband and the wife. This helps create feelings of love and mercy towards each other. It helps in creating a healthy society with qualities of love, respect, and honor. Marriages for the purpose of pleasing God result in a family that is steadfast and complete.
Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) repeatedly emphasized the importance of treating the spouse with utmost
love and respect. Some of his sayings in this regard are “The best of you is the best one to his family.” [Al Tabarani]
“One should not hate his believing wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like other (attitudes).” [Muslim]
Fear God in (treating) women. [Muslim]
Be advised to treat women righteously. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
“Know that no charity that you give, whether small or large, for the sake of God, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Both the husband and wife have certain rights and responsibilities to make the marriage successful. In the above outline of the view of marriage in Islam, men and women are completely equal partners except in the following respects:
Both parties have equal responsibility to provide physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual happiness
to each other, but men generally have the added responsibility to provide for the economic needs of the wife.
The Quran states, “For Muslim men and women, for believing men and women, for devout men and women,
for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in God’s praise — for them has God prepared forgiveness and great reward.” [33:35]
As Man is considered the head of the family in Islam, it is beneficial if he has the final say in economic matters and matters that affect the family. However, it does not mean that the husband can behave like a dictator. Muslims are advised by God to consult one another and make decisions in a democratic way (although we need not conduct elections in the house…)
If he does not care for the feelings of his wife and does as he pleases without following Islam and the way of the Prophet, then he is putting his relationship in danger, and God forbid, it might even lead to divorce.
The Muslim woman as a wife and a mother has a very high status in Islam. The wife is expected to agree and follow the husband, only when his decisions agree with the Quran and the Hadith (way) of the Prophet (peace be upon him). If the husband is wrong according to the Quran and hadith, then it is the responsibility of the wife to correct him with wisdom and show him the correct way.
Who wouldn’t be happy to have such a wife who loves you and corrects you when you make a mistake? If a husband is happy with his wife, it indicates that the wife is indeed a loving woman who follows Islam and will be rewarded by God for her efforts with Paradise.
If the husband is angry with his wife for not doing something that is against Islam, then there is no blame on the wife. The wife may be rewarded even more by God because she was able to hold on to her correct beliefs.