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Have A Clean Heart

Purification of the souls is one of the ends for which the prophets were sent. The true believer is the one who does not harbor any grudge against anyone, nor does he look for others’ faults. A clean heart is an indication of perfect belief and of being a good Muslim. However, whoever does otherwise is not fit for Heaven to be his abode, as his heart is full of impurities.

Bravery, courage, generosity, love, kindness, compassion, Allah-consciousness, altruism, nearness to Allah and enjoying having intimate discourse with Allah, belief, certitude, and all kinds of good cannot exist except in a pure heart. They cannot exist in a heart polluted with malice, envy, selfishness, and ill will toward others. The pious people are always keen to watch their hearts and purify them. The pure hearts and virtuous souls are the ones that are filled with Allah-consciousness, being fearful of Allah, and having strong belief, so they overflow with good and kindness. People with such hearts are characterized by upright conduct and their inner self is pure. Such people love to do good to others as they themselves are living in peace.

As to the person with an evil heart and bad manners, people suffer because of their evil. Also, such people have suffering souls. A good Muslim does not bear any grudge or hatred against his brethren. The closest persons to the Prophet (peace be upon him) were those with excellent manners, morals, and pure and sincere hearts. Such hearts and souls take the persons to the highest levels in Paradise, and they wouldn’t have reached these levels even with the voluntary (nawafil) prayers.

Gift-Giving Is One Of The Good Manners

Gift-giving is one of the good manners that maintains and strengthens relations between the giver and the recipient. It is one of the acts that Prophet Muhammad recommended us -Muslims- to do. Al-Bukhaari narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “The Messenger of Allah used to accept gifts and reward people for giving them.”

The phrase: “Reward people for giving them,” means giving the giver (at a later time) something of equal value at least in return. This Hadeeth (narration) indicates that accepting gifts and giving something of equal value (or more) to the giver is the way of the Prophet.

The Prophet enjoined responding in kind to favours, as he said in an authentic narration: “Whoever do you a favour, respond in kind, and if you cannot find the means of doing so, then keep praying for him until you think that you have responded in kind.” [Abu Daawood]

“Whoever does you a favour,” means, whoever treats you kindly in word or deed or by gifting you.
“Respond in kind,” means to treat him kindly just as he has treated you kindly.
“If you cannot find the means of doing so” means if you do not have the money.
“Until you think that you have responded in kind” means, repeatedly supplicating for him until you think that you have rewarded him his due.

One of the Du’aa’ forms that one can say is ‘Jazaaka Allaahu khayran’ (may Allaah reward you with good). At-Tirmithi narrated that Usaamah Ibn Zayd said: The Messenger of Allah said: “Whoever has a favour done for him and says ‘Jazaak Allaahu khayran’ has done his utmost to thank him.” [At-Tirmithi]

“Done his utmost to thank him,” means that he has done his utmost to express his gratitude because he has acknowledged his shortcomings and that he is unable to reward and thank him enough, so he refers the matter to Allah, to reward him in the best manner. It is said that: “If you are unable to give him back in kind, then speak at length thanking him and supplicating for him.” [Tuhfat Al-Ahwathi]

Also, The Prophet peace and blessings be upon him said: “Exchange gifts, as that will lead to increasing your love for one another.” [Al-Bukhaari]

Having Good Manners, Character And Being Humble

Many of us think that “a perfect Muslim” is simply one who is correct in the observance of the salah (ritual Prayer), the fasting, the zakah (payment of a certain portion of one’s wealth to the poor), and the Hajj (pilgrimage to Makkah). This indeed is not the case.

If the ritual observances do not help the person to be humble, virtuous, and truly God-fearing, then he or she is not a real Muslim. A Muslim should be good and just in dealing with others, no matter their religion, and take special care to keep away from all the shameful and sinful things Allah (God) has forbidden.

One can never get close to Allah by being arrogant, full of pride, and having bad character and manners. Those who have humility and are humble and have good character and manners are the closest to Allah and Allah raises their ranks in the hereafter.

The superiority of good character:

Hadrat Abu Darda, may Allah be pleased with him, relates that the Holy Prophet Muhammad, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said, “Nothing is heavier in the scales of a believer on the Day of Judgement than his good behaviour. Allah detests a person who is obscene and shameless”. (Tirmidhi)

Having humility and being humble:

The Prophet (PBUH) said: “He who was humble for the sake of God by one degree, God (SWT) would then elevate them to a degree till they reach the uppermost of high Orders, and he who was arrogant to God (SWT), God (SWT) would then lower him for a degree till he reaches the lowest of low Orders”, (Narrated by: Muslim (Hadeeth: 6535).
Al-Nawawi said:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “And no one humbles himself before Allaah but Allaah will raise him (in status).”

Humbleness is to know the value of oneself, to avoid pride, or disregarding the truth and underestimating people. As the Prophet sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam said, according to Muslim and others, “Al-Kibr is rejecting the truth and looking down upon people” [Muslim, Tirmidhi, and Abu Dawud].

Humbleness is for one who is important and significant and he fears to gain notoriety or to become too great among people. Humbleness is that one should humble himself with his companions.

Humbleness is to humble oneself to one who is below you. If you find someone who is younger than you, or of less importance than you, you should not despise him, because he might have a better heart than you, or be less sinful, or closer to Allah than you. Even if you see a sinful person and you are righteous, do not act in arrogance towards him, and thank Allah that He saved you from the tribulation that He put him through. Remember that there might be some riyaa’ or vanity in your righteous deeds that may cause them to be of no avail and that this sinful person may be regretful and fearful concerning his bad deeds, and this may be the cause of the forgiveness of his sins.

Humbleness is that your deed should not become too great in your eyes. If you do a good deed or attempt to get closer to Allah ta`ala through an act of obedience, your deed may still not be accepted, “Allah only accepts from those who have taqwa (fear of Allah).” (Surat al-Maida: 27)

Humbleness is that, when you are advised, if Shaytaan calls you to reject the advice, you must negate him. Because the purpose of advice is that your brother points out the defects that you have.

The arrogant never gives credit to anybody or mentions good about someone, and if he needed to do so, he would also mention five defects of that person. But if he hears somebody reminding him about his own defects, he will not be flexible nor comply due to his inferiority complex. This is why it is among man’s moral integrity to accept criticism or comment without any sensitivity or discomfort or feelings of shame and weakness.

Do Not Interrupt Or Cut Off Someone While He Is Speaking

While we are talking – whether in the midst of a story or an explanation – we would certainly dislike it if others were to interrupt us, so we should give others the same courtesy that we expect for ourselves. The Islamic manner of not interrupting others in their speech is supported by a Hadeeth related by Abu Hurairah (RA), in which he (RA) said,  While the Prophet (saas) was in a gathering, speaking to the people, a Bedouin came and said, When is the Hour (i.e., when will this world come to an end)? The Messenger of Allah (saas) continued to speak, so some people said, The Prophet (saas) heard him but disliked what he said, while others said, No, he heard. When he finished speaking, the Prophet (saas) said, Where is the questioner about the Hour? The Bedouin said, Here I am, O Messenger of Allah. He (saas) said,

When the trust is lost, await the Hour.

The Bedouin asked, And how will it be lost? He (saas) said,

When the matter (i.e., the position of leadership) is entrusted to those who do not deserve it, then await the Hour. 1

The portion of the Hadeeth that is relevant to our discussion here is Abu Harairahs saying, The Messenger of Allah (saas) continued to speak. He did not stop or allow himself to be interrupted, because the right to speak was with the person in the gathering who was already speaking – in the case, the Prophet (saas) – and not with the questioner.

In establishing the said ruling, we can also draw upon the saying of Ibn Abbaas (ra) to Ikramiah:  Speak to the people once a week and if you refuse except to do otherwise, then twice; and if you want to address them even more often, then three times. And do not be the cause of people becoming bored by the Quran (by addressing them too often or for too long). And do not let me find you going to a people, while they are talking, and speaking to them (with a sermon), thus cutting off their talk and causing them to become bored. Instead, listen (to them and wait), and when they command (or ask) you (to address them), then speak to them while they are in a state of desiring to hear you. 2

 

1) Related by Bukhaare (59) and Ahmad (8512)
2) Related by Bukhaaree (6337)

Learn To Listen, Just As You Learn To Speak

If a person starts telling you, whether in private or public, something that you already knew very well, pretend as if you do not know it. Do not rush to reveal your knowledge or to interfere with the speech. Instead, show your attention and concentration.

Imam Ata Bin Abi Rabah said: “A young man would tell me something that I may have heard before he was born. Nevertheless, I would listen to him as if I had never heard it before.”

Ata was a Tabi’ee, i.e. the one belonging to the generation coming after the Companions.

Khalid Bin Safwan Al-Tamimi, who frequented the courts of two Caliphs, Umar Bin Abdul Aziz and Hisham Bin Abdul Malik, said: “If a person tells you something you have heard before or news that you already learned, do not interrupt him to exhibit your knowledge to those present. This is being rude and ill-mannered.”

Ibrahim Bin Al-Junaid said: “A wise man said to his son: ‘Learn the art of listening as you learn the art of speaking.'”

Listening well means maintaining eye contact, allowing the speaker to finish the speech, and restraining your urge to interrupt his speech. Al-Hafiz Al-Khateeb Al-Baghdadi said in a poem:

Never interrupt a talk

Though you know it inside out

I Pushed People Away While Wanting To Correct Them

I used to exhibit a certain reactionary pattern that seemed to arise whenever I entered a Masjid or Muslim gathering. It was this pesky little habit of immediately taking in my surroundings and making a mental note of everything wrong that I could perceive. I turned from one unknowing victim to another, ticking off all of the Islamic violations they were committing according to my personal pedestal of judgment.

“She is not wearing Hijab, tsk! tsk!”

“He is laughing with that woman who is most certainly not his wife or family member, shame!”

“How can she possibly show up here with her clothing so tight?! Scandalous!”

“Does his mom see how he is behaving…where is the Islamic upbringing? That’s what happens when you send your kid to public school!”

And the list went on and on.

Upon acknowledging the “sin” of others, I would begin to plan how I would correct them.

Then one day after becoming aware of the habit, I began to ask myself, “Why am I always looking for the wrong in others?” Why did my natural inclination drift towards seeing the proverbial half-filled glass, looking for the “Haraam” in everything around me? What purpose did this mental activity serve?

As I tried to understand my motives, I began my descent through several layers of mental awareness. First, I excused myself by claiming I merely wanted to enjoin the good and forbid the evil. Well, the argument went, I had to first recognize the evil in order to correct it, right? So I sat smugly, glowing in my newfound moral elitism. Then why did I feel so guilty and ugly?

I probed deeper, asking again, why? I came up with the wonderful excuse that I must merely hate what Allah hates. I would witness other’s “IstaghfirAllah” actions, causing my blood to boil, until I felt the impulse to walk over and let the perpetrator have a piece of my mind. So why did I stop myself from attacking?

My self-awareness plunged deeper. I began to think of my own reaction when I had been attacked by self-righteous “enjoiners” of the good. At first, I would become embarrassed and question the fallacy of my actions. Then I would realize that the method in which I was advised angered me and made me want to strike back. Finally, I would conclude that it really had nothing to do with me and more to do with the ego and insecurity of the attacker.

So was I guilty of the same thing? I tended to think of myself as self-confident and secure, yet some recent experiences had shown me otherwise. I had attended an Islamic class in which the instructor kept asking the class questions. Each time I would answer out loud, sure of my knowledge. And almost every time I was wrong. It infuriated and embarrassed me. I was overtaken by a strong desire to prove my correctness.

From this and other experiences, I realized that my desire to put others down in order to lift myself up seemed just as strong as with those who enjoyed striking me down.

After accepting my flaws and subverting my ego, I began to derive a formula for changing my inner thinking.

I knew that I loved my brothers and sisters in Islam and truly wanted the best for all of them. I also realized from my own experiences of being corrected in a harsh, public, condescending way that this manner of “advising” is rarely accepted and pushes the person into another spiral of sin (backbiting against the attacker, mental lists of all of the sins of the attacker, and possibly a verbal backlash).

I had to determine how to change my thinking and natural response system to see the good and positive in my fellow Muslims, rather than immediately seeing their shortcomings. I wanted to force myself to look inward rather than outward for flaws and weaknesses. I also needed to find ways to be motivational, affecting positive change in the community, rather than coming off as ill-mannered, degrading, or unapproachable.

So I committed myself to practice the following steps each time the habit began to boil up from deep inside:

1. Say something nice
I would force myself to walk over to the unknowing target and immediately praise them for something good I found in them. This challenged me to see the positives in each person and vocalize them. It also increased the love between us.

2. Walk in their shoes
I would recall the past times in my life, prior to committing myself to the study and application of Islam, when I was in that person’s shoes: following a culture-based Islam that I inherited from my parents rather than from the authentic sources. I remembered the split personality I had growing up: acting one way with the Muslims and another with my friends. I would realize that just as my Islamic knowledge is limited, so is theirs and that many people follow their best understanding without purposely doing the wrong.

I also recalled the many times I sought to correct someone only to find out I was the one with incorrect knowledge. This led to a true sense of humility, and I would thank Allah for opening my eyes to the truth and giving me even a small taste of the sweetness of Iman. Then I would make Du’a for the person.

3. Remember what works for me
I would remind myself that it was the people in my life who practiced Islam in a consistent, welcoming, non-judgmental way that opened the door for me to ask questions, accept the answers, and evoke change in my life. This challenged me to be patient and further work on myself in an effort to be that example for others.

The key to truly changing my thinking was when I finally understood that the point of correcting others was supposed to be to help them change for the good. When this was done in an unsolicited way by someone who had not taken the time to get to know the persons or their particular circumstances and to gain their trust and respect, it usually did the opposite. It upset the person and made them think ill of me and all others who they began to consider “extreme”. They assumed I was constantly judging them and mentally criticizing everything they did. They avoided my company, and their heart closed to anything positive I did or said. Rather than enjoin them for the good, I had turned them totally away.

Although I still have my “negative” days, I have committed to trying to hold my tongue from giving unwanted advice. Instead, I am deliberate in creating an environment where people ask and push to be corrected. I realize that this is exactly how I best improve; by asking those more knowledgeable than me who never make me feel inferior for asking, and do not have expectations of me after they reply to my inquiries.

The reactions from those around me prove that when I show, through beautiful manners and actions, that Allah’s Way is the way that leads to inner and outer peace, I no longer have to shove people, kicking and screaming, to that Way. Instead, they flock to it.

– By Hebah Ahmed

Knowing The Bounds Of Our Mannerisms

Mannerisms have limits: When these limits are crossed, they become transgression. When they fall short, they become deficiency and disgrace.

Anger has a limit: It is to be bold while being above having negative and deficient traits, and this is the perfect form of anger. If this limit is exceeded, you become a transgressor. If you fall short of it, you will be a coward and will not be able to raise yourself above negative traits.

Covetousness has a limit: It is to take all you need from this world and what it has to offer you. When you fall short of this limit, it becomes disgrace and lack of resolve. When you exceed this limit, you end up wanting what you shouldn’t want.

Envy has a limit: It is to compete in becoming perfect and to excel such that your rival is unable to excel you. When this limit is exceeded, you transgress and oppress in which you wish that the good things are taken away from the one you envy and are keen to harm him. When you fall short of this limit, you become low, weak in aspiration, and you belittle yourself. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “There should be no envy except in regards to two things: a man who is granted wealth by Allah and he is able to spend it for the sake of the truth, and a man who is granted wisdom by Allah and he takes it and teaches it to the people.” So, this is an envy of competition, where the envious one pushes himself to be like the one he envies without wishing that he is deprived of the good things that he has.

Sexual desire has a limit: It is to relax the heart and mind from the exhaustion of worship, to maintain moral excellence, and to use the fulfillment of these desires to help you in this. When you exceed this limit, you fall into being overly lustful, and you come to resemble animals. When you fall short of this limit and don’t use this time to obtain excellence and virtue, this becomes weakness, inability, and disgrace.

Relaxation has a limit: It is to collect yourself and your strength to prepare for worship and perfection of the self and to save this so that you don’t become weak or tired. When you exceed this limit, this becomes laziness and waste, and you end up missing out on so many things that could benefit you. When you fall short of this limit, you end up hurting and weakening your energy, and it might even be cut off from you like a farmer who has no land to plow or crops to pick.

Generosity has a limit: Whenever this limit is exceeded, this becomes wastefulness and extravagance. When you fall short of this limit, you become cheap and miserly.

Bravery has a limit: When you cross this limit, you become reckless. When you fall short of this limit, you become a coward. This limit is that you put yourself forth when the time is right to do so and that you hold yourself back when the time is right to do so, just like Mu’awiyah said to Amr Bin Al-’Aas: “I don’t know whether you’re brave or cowardly! You go forth to the point that I say you’re the bravest person, and then you stay back to the point that I say you’re the most cowardly person!” So, he replied: “I am brave if I am guaranteed the chance, If I don’t have the chance, I am a coward.”

Protective jealousy has a limit: If you exceed this limit, you fall into accusation and suspicion of the innocent. If you fall short of this limit, you fall into heedlessness and lack of manhood.

Humility has a limit: If it is crossed, this becomes humiliation and disgrace. If you fall short of it, you deviate from arrogance and false pride.

Honor has a limit: If you exceed it, you fall into arrogance and blameworthy traits. If you fall short of it, you deviate to humiliation and disgrace.

The basic principle in all this is to choose the path of moderation between excess and negligence. This is what all of the benefits of this world and the next are built upon. In fact, you can benefit your body in no other way, because when some of your activities are done with a lack of moderation and either exceed or fall short of it, your body’s health and energy begin to decline accordingly.

Likewise, natural activities such as sleeping, staying awake, eating, drinking, having intercourse, playing sports, spending time alone, spending time with others, etc. – if these are all done moderately between the two blameworthy extremes, this is justice. If you deviate to either extreme, this is a sign of deficiency and will lead to even more deficiency. This knowledge of proper limits is from the best types of knowledge, especially the limits of what is commanded and prohibited. The most knowledgeable people are those who know the most about these limits.

– By Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah, Al-Fawa’id, pg. 196-199

How To Deal With Bitter Criticism

THE ignorant have even uttered curses against Allah, the Exalted, so what treatment should we, who are full of faults, expect from people. You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war – that shows no sign of ending.

As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are from the denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted, and to be criticized.

And here is something you should contemplate: A person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for unless you shed your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This is exactly what they want to look for in you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and let them have an influence over you, you will have realized their expectations from them. Instead, forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases your worth and merit.

Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to overcome their criticisms by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say. In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by adding to your merits and developing your talents.

If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable.

– Excerpt from the book “Don’t be Sad” published by IIPH

The Manners Of Going To The Bathroom

Salmaan (ra) said,  (One of) the disbelievers said to us, Verily, we see that your companion (the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam) even teaches you how to relieve yourselves. Salmaan (ra) answered him, Yes, he forbids each of us from cleaning himself (after urinating or defecating) with his right hand and from facing the Qiblah (during the act of urinating or defecating). And he prohibited the use of manure or bones (for cleaning). And he (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said.

Let no one from you clean himself (after having a bowel movement) with less then three Stones. (Related by Muslim (262) Ahmad (23191)

It Is Disliked To Take Into The Toilet (Or Any Place That Is Commonly Used For The Same Purpose) Anything That Has The Remembrance Of Allah (swt) In It.

To preserve Allah’s Name from abuse and debasement, you should not take into the toilet anything that has the remembrance of Allah (swt) in it, unless you have a valid Islamic excuse, in which case doing so is not Makrooh (disliked). So for example, if in your pocket, you have paper money that has Allah’s Name written on it, and if you are about to enter a public washroom, you most likely have no choice but to take the money with you inside. By leaving the money outside of the washroom, you might later forget, and if the door to the washroom is on the outside of a building, the money might blow away. Furthermore, if there are other people around, there is a chance of theft. All of these reasons apply to money or to anything else that has Allah’s Name written on it.

As of a Mushaf (compy of the Quran), it is without a doubt forbidden to take it inside of a place that is regularly used as a toilet. Scholars agree on this point, though they ruled that it is permissible to take it inside if one fears that, left outside, it will be stolen. Nonetheless, a Muslim must fear (swt) and try his best to keep Allah’s Speech safe from debasement. He should try his best to find an alternative solution, such as giving the Mushaf as a trust to someone until he comes out. But if there is no alternative, then Allah (swt) does not charge a soul with more than it can bear.

How Friendly And Likeable Is Your Behavior?

The Muslim who truly understands the teachings of his religion is gentle, friendly, and likable. He mixes with people and gets along with them. This is something that should be a characteristic of the Muslim who understands that keeping in touch with people and earning their trust is one of the most important duties of a Muslim.

It is an effective means of conveying the message of truth to them, and exposing them to its moral values, because people only listen to those whom they like, trust, and accept. Hence there are many Ahadith who commend the type of person who is friendly and liked by others. Such a person is one of those chosen ones who are beloved by the Prophet (peace be upon him) and will be closest to him on the Day of Resurrection.

“Shall I not tell you who among you is most beloved to me and will be closest to me on the Day of Resurrection?” He repeated it two or three times, and they said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him).” He said, “Those of you who are the best in manners and character.” (Ahmad; authentic) Some reports add, “Those who are down-to-earth and humble, who get along with others and with whom others feel comfortable.”

One of the attributes of the believer is that he gets along with others and others feel comfortable with him.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “The believer gets along with people and they feel comfortable with him. There is no goodness in the one who does not get along with people and with whom they do not feel comfortable.” (Ahmad)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) set the highest example of good behavior towards people. He was skillful in softening their hearts and called them to follow him in word and deed.

He was always cheerful and easy-going, never harsh. When he came to any gathering, he would sit wherever there was an empty space, and he told others to do likewise. He treated everyone equally. If anyone came to him and asked for something, he would give it to him, or at least respond with kind words.

 – The Ideal Muslim/IIPH