TAG: Marriage
Marriage Between Muslims And Non-Muslims Clearly Prohibited In The Quran and Sunnah
Marriage between Muslims and non-Muslims is something that has been clearly prohibited in the Quran and Sunnah, thus not permissible in any way. The only exception to this general rule is the marriage of Muslim men with Christian and Jewish girls, and that also with certain conditions.
Allah Most High says:
“Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though if she attracts you. And not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition”. (al-Baqarah, 221).
The above verse of the Holy Quran along with many other statements of the Quran and Sunnah clearly mention the impressibility of Muslims marrying non-Muslims. Therefore, a marriage between a Muslim and someone from another religion will not be lawful or even valid according to Islam. The exception, however, is mentioned in the following verse:
“Lawful unto you in marriage are chaste women who are believers and chaste women among the people of the book”. (al-Maidah, 5).
Thus, it would be permissible, in principle, for Muslim men to marry women from the people of the book (ahl al-Kitab) namely Christian and Jewish girls. However, this is also subjected to certain conditions.
The reason behind this is that, marital relationships demand mutual love, affection and intimacy and without this, the purpose of marriage is left unfulfilled. If such close relationship of love and intimacy is established with a non-Muslim, it may emotionally incline a Muslim towards disbelief (kufr) or, at least, the abhorrence of Kufr and Shirk may not remain in the heart. Consequently, it may lead one to disbelief and eventually the fire of Hell. This is why Allah Almighty said towards the end of the verse of Surah al-Baqarah quoted above:
“Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition”. ( 221). (See: Maarif al-Quran, 1/ 540).
Therefore, the fear that a Muslim man or woman may well be affected with his/her partner’s religion, thus go on to a path that leads to the fire of hell, is the main cause for this prohibition. Hence, a Muslim woman will not be allowed whatsoever to marry anyone besides a Muslim man, and even if she did, the marriage will not be valid in Islam. Similarly, a Muslim man will not be allowed to marry any non-Muslim girl, such as a Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, or any other non-Muslim woman. However, it will be permissible for him to marry a Christian or a Jewish girl. This is explained in the following section.
Marrying Christian and Jewish girls
Islam has allowed Muslim men to marry women from the people of the book (ahl al-Kitab). This permission is explicitly mentioned in the verse of the Quran already quoted:
“Lawful unto you in marriage are chaste women who are believers and chaste women among the people of the book”. (al-Maidah, 5).
However, there are certain points that need to be taken into consideration here:
Firstly, the exception of Christian and Jewish girls is because the difference in belief between the people of the book and Muslims is relatively lesser and lighter as compared with other non-Muslims. They are all monotheistic religions and known as the Abrahamic faiths. The basic difference between Islam and the other two religions is the belief in the last Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). Therefore, the fear and danger of corruptibility is less as compared to marrying with women from other faiths, thus Islam gave this permission for Muslim men to marry Christian and Jewish girls.
A question may arise here, that if the difference between Muslims and people of the book is considered to be lighter as compared to other faiths, then why is it unlawful for Muslim girls to marry Christian and Jewish men?
The answer to this question is that, women are somewhat weak and emotional by nature. Then the husband has been given a care taking and controlling role over the wife. As such, it is very likely that the Muslim wife may fall prey and become impressed with her husband’s faith. The chances of the husband becoming affected by his wife’s faith are remote, thus the difference between the two situations is clear.
Moreover, by marrying a Christian or a Jewish man, the status of the Muslim wife would be affected, for the wife normally takes the nationality and status given by her husband’s law. A Christian or a Jewish woman marrying a Muslim man would be expected eventually to accept Islam, while the possibility of a Muslim woman changing her faith to that of her husband is very likely. Therefore, only Muslim men were given this permission of marrying with women from the people of the book.
Secondly, women who are Christians and Jews merely by name, and do not really believe in any religion, like a large number of people in the west, cannot be termed as people of the book (ahl al-Kitab). They are atheist in reality and it will not be permissible for Muslim men to marry them.
Therefore, one must first make sure that the woman is truly a believing Christian or Jew, and then consider contracting marriage with them.
Thirdly, it should be remembered that the meaning of the permission of marrying Christian and Jewish women is simply that, if a marriage contract was performed with them, it would be valid according to Islam and the children born out of this wedlock will be considered legitimate.
However, there are various narrations that establish its undesirability. A Muslim man is advised in the Hadith to select a life partner who fully observes the injunctions of Islam, so that she becomes a means of attaining piety. If that is the case, then marrying Christian and Jewish girls would be disliked.
This is the reason why Sayyiduna Umar ibn al-Khattab (Allah be pleased with him) prevented many such marriages in his lifetime because of what he had seen of the corruption that resulted in Iraq and Syria. (See: Muhammad ibn al-Hasan, Kitab al-Athar).
Finally, this permission is only when one is confident that he himself or his children will not be affected by this marriage. In the early days, Muslims were duly equipped with adequate Islamic knowledge and an unshaken commitment towards their religion. As such, there was no risk of the husband being affected by his wife’s religion. Rather, the wife would see the glory of Islam, thus enter into the fold of Islam.
Therefore, if a Muslim male is confident that marriage with a Christian or Jewish girl will have no affect on his and his children’s Islamic identity and commitment, then there is no bar against such marriages. However, if he is not so confident, he must avoid entering into such marriages.
- January, 24
- 1181
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21 F’s For A Happy Marriage
1. Faith:
The most basic and essential attribute of a Muslim marriage is the common faith that binds the couple.
Since Islam is a way of life and not just a religion confined to weekly worship it becomes an integral part of a Muslim’s life. The frame of reference shared by the couple eases communication and sharing of values which is not possible in an interfaith marriage. It is highly recommended that faith plays an important role in developing a loving relationship.
For example, as the Prophet Muhammad (SAW- peace, and blessings be upon him) said, that even if a husband places a morsel of food in his wife’s mouth, he gets a reward for this act and Allah increases the bond of love between them. So when we love each other for the sake of Allah WE ACTUALLY INCREASE OUR FAITH.
2. Forgiving:
When the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) asked his Companions ‘do you wish that Allah should forgive you’ they said, of course, O Prophet of Allah. He responded, ‘then forgive each other’.
One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive, that they do not hold grudges or act judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone, situations may arise when we end up saying or doing things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive.
If we expect Allah to forgive us then we must learn to forgive.
3. Forget:
When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they let us down or hurt us we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free.
4. Forbearance:
Sabr (patience) is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactive frame of mind it brings us closer to Allah through Tawakul (trust) and reliance. We develop an inner mechanism that empowers us to handle life’s difficult moments. As Allah states in Surah (chapter)al-Asr:
“Surely by the time humans are at loss, except those who believe and do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth and counsel each other to Sabr (patience)’ (Quran, chapter 103).
5. Flexible:
Many couples unnecessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little.
We should not expect our spouses to be our extensions. They are their own selves with personalities, likes, and dislikes. We must respect their right to be themselves as long as it does not compromise their Deen (religion). Being inflexible and not accommodating for individual differences leads to a very stressful and tense home atmosphere.
6. Friendship:
This aspect of marriage has three components.
The first is to develop a friendship with our spouses. The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures.
We honor, trust, respect, accept, and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages.
Unfortunately, the only aspect that people think of bringing to their marriage which is highly inappropriate is the buddy scenario. Shariah (Islamic law) has placed the husband in a leadership role within a family. This requires a certain decorum, which cannot be maintained if the spouses consider each other as pals.
This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Furthermore, the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.
7. Friendly:
The second aspect of friendship is to have friendly relations with in-laws. When couples compete as to whose parents are more important it becomes a constant source of grief. Much valuable time is wasted trying to convince, one another of whose parents are most desirable. It is better if we accept, that our spouses will not overnight fall in love with our parents just because we want them to. As long as they maintain friendly relations that are cordial and based on mutual respect we should not force the issue.
8. Friends:
The third aspect of friendship is our circle of friends. If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be pursued at the expense of the marriage. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) advised us to choose God-fearing people as friends since we tend to follow their way. Friends should be a source of joy and not mischief.
9. Fun:
Couples that do not laugh together have to work on sharing some fun times. The Prophet (SAW) was known to play with his wives. A simple walk in the park can add much spark to the relationship. Taking up a sport together is another way of sharing a laugh.
10. Faithful:
It is commanded by Allah that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a capital crime in Islam that is punishable by death. However, there are various forms of unfaithful behavior prevalent among some Muslims.
The most common form is maintaining friendships with the opposite sex over the boundaries set by Islam, and the misgivings of the spouse. The latest trend of Internet relationships is also contrary to Islamic Adab (etiquette) and is causing serious problems between couples. Once a sense of betrayal sets in, repairing that relationship is difficult. Another form of not being faithful is when couples betray confidences (trusts/promises). This is a trust issue and one when compromised eats away at the heart of a marriage.
11. Fair:
Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is okay to be unjust in our behavior and our statements. Allah states in the Quran do not be unjust under any circumstances, even if they be your enemy, and here we are talking about our life partners and the parent of our children. To use words such as “never” and “always” when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on the defensive.
10. Finance:
One of the most common points of contention in marriages is money. Experts tell us that 80 percent of marital conflicts are about money.
It is therefore highly recommended that the couple put serious time and effort into developing a financial management plan that is mutually agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and wise way of handling household finances. It should be remembered that the wife’s money in Islam is hers to do with as she pleases and therefore should not be considered family income unless she chooses to contribute it to the family
11. Family:
Parenting can be a stressful experience if the parents are not well informed. This in turn can put extra pressure on the marriage.
Sometimes couples are naive about the changes that come in the lifestyle. This can cause in some cases depression and in some resentment and misunderstandings. One golden rule that must always be the guide is; that family comes first.
Whenever there is evidence that the family is not happy or not our first priority it is time to assemble at the kitchen table and discuss with open hearts and minds.
12. Feelings:
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) stated that Allah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others i.e. hurt their feelings unless the person we have hurt forgives first.
Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse’s feelings, they take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean. It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous to strangers than they are to their loved ones. One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt the feelings of their spouses and if they invariably do, they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?
13. Freedom:
Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. To consider the wife one’s property is alien to the Islamic concept of the husband and wife role. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves. Freedom in the common western since is to be free to do as one pleases or to be selfish. On the contrary, to allow freedom to one’s spouse is to be considerate of their needs and to recognize their limitations.
14. Flirtation:
A sure way to keep romance in marriage is to flirt (only) with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanor in their marriages by adopting special names for each other and secret communication styles.
15. Frank:
Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. A marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other’s feeling, without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other’s inner self.
16. Facilitator:
When choosing our life partner, we must, as the Prophet (SAW) advised, look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that their first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah. This commitment to Allah makes them an excellent facilitator (someone who makes things easy) for enhancing their partner’s spiritual development. In essence, the couple facilitates their family’s commitment to Allah and His Deen.
17. Flattering:
Paying compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouse’s heart. Everyone likes to be appreciated and noticed. So being stingy about compliments is actually depriving oneself of being appreciated in return.
18. Fulfilling:
To be all one can be to one’s spouse is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. To be in love means to give one’s all. The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations. It gives without expecting anything in return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded tenfold.
19. Fallible:
It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose focus on the fact that we are fallible (not perfect/make mistakes) beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allah is perfect.
20. Fondness:
So many times couples fail to work on developing a fondness for each other by [failing] to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. Spending quality time alone doing and sharing activities are ways in which one can develop fondness.
21. Future:
Smart couples plan for their future together. They work on their financial and retirement plans, make wills, and discuss these plans with their children. This provides peace of mind and secures the relationship.
Muhammad Ayub
- October, 9
- 900
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The Ideal Muslim Husband & Wife
Islamic view of marriage
Marriage in Islam offers tranquillity to the soul and peace of mind, so that man and woman may live together in an atmosphere of love, mercy, harmony, co-operation, mutual advice and tolerance, and lay the foundation for raising a Muslim family in a nurturing, sound environment.
The Holy Qur’an has described, in the most moving and eloquent terms, this eternal, natural relationship between man and woman, which is filled with tranquility, security, love, understanding and compassion:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an, 30: 21)
Marriage is a union of souls, in the deepest sense. Allah joins these two souls together so that they may enjoy tranquillity and stability in a marital home filled with sincere love and compassionate mercy.
In Islam, the righteous woman is viewed as one of the joys of this life, and a great blessing to a man, for he comes home to her and relaxes after facing the struggles of life, and finds with her incomparable peace, comfort and pleasure. The Prophet (peace be upon him) spoke the truth when he said:
“This world is just temporary enjoyment, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.” (Muslim)
Islam regards marriage very highly, and views femininity as something to be valued and cherished.
The ideal Muslim wife
On the basis of this view of marriage and of women, the Muslim is not attracted by the empty-headed attitude displayed by some girls nowadays. Rather, he is attracted by a sound Muslim personality, and he takes his time in choosing a partner for life, looking for a partner who has the right Islamic characteristics which will make for a stable and happy married life. Therefore he is not interested in the superficial physical beauty, grace and elegance that are the sole concerns of empty-headed youngsters. While he does not ignore physical looks, he also looks for strong religious belief and practice, intelligence, and good behavior, following the advice of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
“A woman may be married for four things: for her wealth, for her noble descent, for her beauty or for her religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust!” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Although the Prophet (peace be upon him) advised the young Muslim to look for a religious wife, this does not mean that he should ignore his preferences regarding physical beauty. The Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged seeing a woman before finalizing the marriage, so that a Muslim will not find himself trapped in a marriage with a woman he finds unattractive.
Al-Mugheerah Ibn Shu’bah said:
“I got engaged to a woman during the time of the Prophet. He asked me, ‘Have you seen her?’ I said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Go and have a look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.'”
A man who had got engaged to a woman of the Ansar came to the Prophet, who asked him: “Have you seen her?” He said, “No.” so the Prophet ordered him to go and see her.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized, in more than one Hadith, the fact that beauty is one of the basic characteristics that a man should look for in a woman, besides the other, moral, characteristics that are desirable. Indeed, the two are inseparable. For example, he told Ibn ‘Abbas:
“Shall I tell you the most precious thing a man can have? It is a righteous wife: when he looks at her he is pleased, when he tells her to do something she obeys, and when he is away she is faithful and loyal to him.”
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
“The Prophet was asked: ‘Which woman is the best?’ He said, ‘The one who pleases him when he looks at her, who obeys him when he tells her to do something, and who does not do something he dislikes with regard to herself or to his wealth.”
This is the guidance given by the Prophet (peace be upon him) regarding the personality of the woman who can bring happiness, tranquillity and stability to a man, and who can make a cheerful, pleasant and secure home in which to raise a brood of successful, courageous and intelligent children.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) insisted that marriage should be firmly built on a solid foundation, striking a balance between physical, mental, spiritual and emotional needs, so that it will not be rocked by personality clashes or differences in attitude. Therefore the true Muslim who is guided by the Shariah of Allah in all his affairs, does not fall for the wiles of the “Jezebels” who are the beautiful women of bad character; rather he tells people: “Beware of the ‘Jezebels’.”
– published by International Islamic Publishing House, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
- January, 6
- 1341
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Husband And Wife: Mutual Rights And Obligations
In Islam the marriage of a man and a woman is not just a financial and physical arrangement of living together but a sacred contract, a gift of God, to lead a happy, enjoyable life and continue the lineage. The main goal of marriage in Islam is the realization of tranquility and compassions between the spouses. For the attainment of this supreme goal, Islam defines certain duties and rights for the husband and wife.
Piety is the basis of choosing the life partner. Several statements of Holy Qur’an and Sunnah prescribe kindness and equity, compassion and love, sympathy and consideration, patience and goodwill. The Prophet (peace be upon him), says: “The best Muslim is the one who is best to his family.” Also, he says, “… and the most blessed joy in life is a good, righteous wife.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi)
The role of the husband revolves around the moral principle that it is his solemn duty to Allah to treat his wife with kindness, honor, and patience; to keep her honorably or free her from the marital bond honorably; and to cause her no harm or grief. Allah Almighty says : “…and live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing through which Allah brings a good deal of good.” (4:19)
The role of the wife is summarized in the verse that women have rights even as they have duties, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree over them. Allah Almighty says, “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.” (2:228)
This degree is usually interpreted by Muslim scholars in conjunction with another passage which states, among other things, that men are trustees, guardians, and protectors of women because Allah has made some of them excel others and because men expend of their means. Allah Almighty says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in their husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard. As to those women on whose part you see ill condct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds (and last) and beat them (lightly, if it is useful). But if they obey you, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is ever Most High, Most Great.” (4:34)
Since the Holy Qur’an and the Sunnah have commanded kindness to women, it is the husband’s duty to: consort with his wife in an equitable and kind manner; have responsibility for the full maintenance of wife, a duty which he must discharge cheerfully, without reproach, injury, or condescendence. Allah Almighty says: “Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease. (65:7)
Components of maintenance:
Maintenance entails the wife’s incontestable right to lodging, clothing, nourishing, and general care and well-being.
The wife’s residence must be adequate so as to provide her with the reasonable level of privacy, comfort, and independence. The welfare of the wife and the stability of the marriage should be the ultimate goal.
What is true of the residence is true of clothing, food, and general care. The wife has the right to be clothed, fed, and cared for by the husband, in accordance with his means and her style of living. These rights are to be exercised without extravagance or miserliness.
Non-material rights:
A husband is commanded by the law of God to treat his wife with equity; respect her feelings, and to show her kindness and consideration.
The husband is also commanded not to show his wife any aversion or to subject her to suspense or uncertainty. He should not keep his wife with the intention of inflicting harm on her or hindering her freedom.
Let her demand freedom from the marital bond, if he has no love or sympathy for her.
Wife’s obligations:
The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She must be attentive to the comfort and well being of her mate. She may neither offend him nor hurt his feelings. Perhaps nothing can illustrate the point better than the Qur’anic statement which describes the righteous people as those who pray saying: “… Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the Muttaqun (the pious).” (25:74)
This is the basis on which all the wife’s obligations rest and from which they flow. To fulfill this basic obligation, a wife must be faithful, trustworthy, and honest. She must not deceive her mate by deliberately avoiding conception lest it deprives him of legitimate progeny. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband’s right, i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive anyone in his home whom the husband does not like. She may not accept their gifts without his approval. This is probably meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion, gossip, etc., and also to maintain the integrity of all parties concerned.
The husband’s possessions are her trust. If she has access to any portion thereof, or if she is entrusted with any fund, she must discharge her duty wisely and thriftily. She may not lend or dispose of any of his belongings without his permission.
With respect to intimacy, the wife is to make herself desirable, to be attractive, responsive, and cooperative.
A wife may not deny herself to her husband; due consideration is, of course, given to health and decency.
Moreover, the wife is not permitted to do anything that may render her companionship less desirable or less gratifying. If she neglects herself, the husband has the right to interfere with her freedom to rectify the situation and ensure maximum self-fulfillment for both partners. She is not permitted to do anything on his part that may impede her gratification.
- August, 14
- 1597
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Prophet Muhammad – Marriage: The Right Course For Humanity
Islam encourages marriage making it the way to build a solid and well-knit society. It is the only legitimate way to satisfy the sexual desire which Islam accepts as natural and healthy. It does not approve of relations outside marriage. Marriage is the proper way to build a family, which is the basic unit of society. It urges people to choose good marriage partners, seeking God’s help in doing so. When the choice is made and the official steps have been taken, marital life should start with the remembrance of God.
It is recommended that when the bridegroom meets his bride for the first time after the wedding ceremony, he should place his hand on her forehead and say: “In the name of God. May God bless each of us for his and her partner.” The bridegroom should then say: “My Lord, grant me the best in her and the best that you placed in her nature. I appeal to You to protect me against her worst and the worst that you placed in her nature.” She should say the same prayer. No one should wonder at such a prayer at such a time. Every one of us has weaknesses that are better kept unexposed. Anyone who claims to be perfect suffers from great delusion. Even when the married couple are very close, the continuity of their love and happiness requires them to focus on their partners and to pray God to help them maintain their piety.
A unique feature of Islam is that it surrounds man’s natural needs and his satisfaction with remembering and glorifying God. When we eat or drink, we begin by mentioning God’s name. Likewise, when a married couple have sex, they should mention God’s name. The Prophet says: “When any of you is about to have sex with his wife, he should say: ‘Our Lord, protect us from Satan and protect what you grant us from him. Should a child be the result on this occasion, that child will not be harmed by Satan.”
While sex is a pleasurable pursuit, it is right that it must be kept within marriage so as to bring about a family, which requires steady striving. Such are the pleasures of this life: They are always attended by hard struggle. In this case it starts with the woman as she struggles through her pregnancy. She then endures the pains of childbirth and the burden of breast-feeding. The father has then to strive hard in order to provide for his family and bring up his children. Hence, it is important to always seek God’s help to relieve our pain and to facilitate our purpose. The Prophet taught us numerous prayers and supplications to ensure that. Let us quote a few: “My Lord, I seek Your grace. Do not leave me to my own devices for even a twinkle of an eye; and set all my affairs on the right course. There is no deity other than You.”
“My Lord, You are the Ever-Living, the Eternal Master of all. I urgently appeal to You to bestow Your mercy on me”.
“My Lord, there is no deity other than You. All glory be to You. I have been a wrongdoer.”
By making marriage the rule of life and the legitimate way to satisfy the sexual desire, Islam steers a middle way between religions that shun the sexual desire and urge their followers to suppress it, and permissiveness that makes everything acceptable. To suggest that suppression of the sexual desire is a mark of true piety is wrong and has no foundation. Likewise, permissiveness ushers numerous problems. It is only through a mutually caring relationship of marriage that man finds a happy middle way. Hence, this is the way approved by Islam.
-By SHEIKH MUHAMMAD AL-GHAZALI
- June, 29
- 983
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Relations Set On New Footing
There are strong similarities between the circumstances leading to the marriages of the Prophet (peace be upon him) to Juwayriyyah bint Al-Harith and Safiyyah bint Huyayy. Both were daughters of men who took a hostile attitude to Islam and the Prophet. Fathers of both women raised forces to wage war against Islam. Both women were married to men who were killed in the battles that their peoples were keen to fight. Both were taken captive and faced a life of slavery. Both were freed by the Prophet and offered marriage.
One must not underestimate the significance of such marriages, especially in the tribal environment of Arabia, where marriage relations between the families of the chiefs of different tribes signified alliances between those tribes. In the case of his marriage with Safiyyah, the Prophet wanted his companions and the vanquished Jews to realize that he was opening a new page in his relations with yesterday’s enemies. He realized that his marriage would go a long way to reassure the Jews that the door was open for them to have friendly relations with Islam. The Prophet would not have married Safiyyah had he intended not to treat her on equal footing with his other wives. On the contrary, we see him extending a most kindly treatment to her right from the beginning. As the Muslim army began its march back toward Madinah, and Safiyyah needed to climb into her howdah, she found that difficult because she was short. The Prophet bent his knee and she stepped over it so that she could manage to climb. This took place in front of his companions. He could have ordered that steps should be brought for her, but he preferred to be the one to help her. He thus taught by example that men should extend every kindness to their women folk. That practical example was very significant in a social environment that until a short while earlier looked at women as much inferior. Islam changed all this and established the full equality of the two sexes.
How did she take such a change in her circumstances? We have little evidence to tell us how she felt at first. However, one report suggests that when the Prophet wanted this new marriage consummated, Safiyyah kept aloof. He did not try to force her. Rather, he left her, and felt rather uneasy. A few days later, as the Muslim army marched on its way back to Madinah, the consummation took place. She later explained that she did not wish the consummation to take place so close to her people’s hometown, because “I feared that the Jews might try to do you harm.”
That uneasy feeling was also felt by some Muslims. When the Prophet had his first night with Safiyyah, Abu Ayyub Al-Ansari, his companion who was his host on his first arrival in Madinah, spent the night at close proximity to the Prophet’s tent, watching for any suspicious indication. The Prophet did not realize that he acted as a night watch. It was when he went out of his tent that he realized Abu Ayyub’s presence. He asked him what kept him awake. He said: “Messenger of God! We had just defeated this woman’s people and killed many of their men. I feared that she might entertain some evil thoughts against you.” The Prophet thanked him and prayed God to preserve him as he stood guard for him.
Thus, apprehension was felt by Safiyyah and by some Muslims. Yet there was no need. Safiyyah adopted Islam and was a devout and pious Muslim.
Adil Salahi
- September, 23
- 1551
- Prophet Character
- More
The Meaning Of Love In Islam
It is so common that the meaning of love has been restricted in the modern age to the love relationship between a man and a woman. This is a very narrow-minded view of love. Islam has is own comprehensive view of love.
The fist type of love that Islam calls for is the Love of Allah, praise be to Him. This love makes you avoid committing sins in order not to make whom you love, Allah, get angry with you. This love also urges you to contemplate all the different aspect of nature that usually lead you to have a deeper faith in the Creator who created all this beauty round us.
The second type of love is the love of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). This love also makes you follow the example of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in all his dealings and manners. Also this love is an indication of the love of Allah as stated in the Holy Qur’an, “Say: ‘If you do love Allah, Follow me: Allah will love you and forgive you your sins: For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'” Say: “Obey Allah and His Messenger: But if they turn back, Allah loves not those who reject Faith.” (Qur’an, 3:31-32)
The third type of love is human love. It means that the Muslim has to love his other fellow men regardless of their ethnic, linguistic or cultural background. This includes love of neighbors, colleagues, relatives and even strangers. This type of love persuades the Muslim to help anybody whenever he can. There are numerous of Ahadith that exhort Muslims to help anybody who really needs help because such an altruistic act takes the Muslim one step closer to Allah.
The fourth type of love is the love between a man and a woman, but Islam organizes and regulates these lofty feelings within the framework of marriage because Islam views that marital love leads the couple to have a peaceful and happy family life, which is the core of the Muslim society.
In other words, this love is acceptable as long as it is within the framework of marriage and this is encouraged in a number of verses in the Holy Qur’an, “And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put affection and mercy between you: verily in that are indeed signs for those who reflect: (Qur’an, 30:21)
- August, 16
- 1703
- Human Rights
- More
What Marriage With Khadijah Reveals
Both her previous husbands having died, Khadijah Bint Khuwailid was a widow. She was known for her noble character, and the people of the Quraish would call her, “The Pious and Chaste One.”
She was also very wealthy; she would engage men to do business on her behalf. After she heard about the truthfulness and trustworthiness of Muhammad (peace be upon him), she proposed that he do business for her in Ash-Sham, promising to give him more than she gave to any other man who did business for her. He agreed and left Makkah in the company of Maisarah, Khadijah’s servant.
Muhammad (peace be upon him) made a lot of profit for Khadijah and she felt that her wealth was blessed more than ever before. Throughout the trip, Maisarah witnessed the wonderful character, nobility, and truthfulness of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
Based upon these reasons, she had a heart to heart discussion with her close friend Nafeesah Bint Munabbah, telling her about the positive feelings she was having about the Prophet (peace be upon him). Nafeesah went to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and proposed to him on behalf of Khadijah.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) was pleased with the proposal, but he nonetheless first went to his uncles to seek their advice; they all agreed that he should marry her.
And why shouldn’t he marry her, for she was the noblest woman among the Quraish; after her last husband had died, almost every Makkan chieftain proposed to her, and she refused them all.
And so shortly thereafter the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) married her. She was the first woman that the Prophet (peace be upon him) married, and he didn’t marry any other woman until she died. She gave birth to two of the Prophet’s sons and four daughters. The two sons were Al-Qasim and Abdullah.
Around the age that he was able to mount a riding animal, Al-Qasim died. Abdullah died as a child prior to his father’s prophet hood.
The daughters were Zainab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthoom, and Fatimah. They all embraced Islam, married, and migrated to Madina. When the Prophet (peace be upon him) married Khadijah, he was 25 years old and she was 40.
Benefits;
1. Trustworthiness and truthfulness are the two most important qualities of a successful businessman. They were the very two qualities that prompted Khadijah to ask the Prophet to do business on her behalf.
2. Allah decreed for the Prophet (peace be upon him) to marry the ideal wife who was both a suitable companion and a trusted counselor and helper. Khadijah helped the Prophet (peace be upon him) during difficult times, and participated alongside him in spreading the message of Islam.
One who invites others to the teachings of Islam is especially in need of a pious and good wife. Outside of the home, his days are filled with struggle, and he faces constant opposition from the enemies of Islam. He therefore is in dire need, within the home, of a partner who will comfort him and provide him with the strength and encouragement he needs to fulfill his religious duties.
3. The Prophet (peace be upon him) tasted the bitterness of losing his sons, just as previously in life, he tasted the bitterness of losing his parents. It was from the wisdom of Allah that none of his sons lived past their childhood. With their death, no one could then be tempted loving them to an extreme level and claiming prophethood for them. Furthermore, the early deaths of the Prophet’s children should serve as a comfort for those who aren’t blessed with sons, and for those who are blessed with sons but lose them at a very early age.
The death of the Prophet’s children was a form of tribulation and as the Prophet (peace be upon him) made it clear, no one is tested more severely than the Prophets.
Men who become leaders of nations turn to tyranny when their hearts are hard through a selfish and comfortable lifestyle. As for a leader who has experienced hardships and tests in life, and endures them with patience and forbearance, he is likely to then show compassion and sympathy to others who are afflicted with hardships.
4. In choosing Khadijah as a wife, the Prophet (peace be upon him) showed that he was primarily concerned with her nobility and character; after all, she was known in pre-Islamic days as “The Pure and Chaste One.”
Up until the age of 25, the Prophet (peace be upon him) lived a chaste life within a society that was replete with evil and ignorance, a society wherein one was free to have romantic and sexual counters with as many women as one desired.
Then when he did decide to marry, he married a woman who was almost twice his age. During the next 15 years of his life, there was no Shariah or set of laws to forbid him from engaging in extra-marital affairs, as did other members of the Quraish, yet he remained faithful to Khadijah, without even looking at any other woman, though there were many other women that were available.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) remained married to Khadijah alone until she died at the age of 65, at a time when the Prophet (peace be upon him) was himself approaching old age.
The story behind each marriage of his highlights the wisdom and wonderful character of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
Ref: Ali Muhammad As-Sallaabee, The Noble Life of the Prophet, Darussalam
- July, 19
- 1597
- Prophet Character
- More
Slave Girl
Ibn `Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them), Reported in Connection With The Case Of Barirah (May Allah be pleased with her) And Her Husband :
The Prophet (PBUH) Said To Her,
” It is Better For You To Go Back To Your Husband.
” She Asked: ” O Messenger Of Allah, Do You Order Me To Do So.
” He Replied, ” I Only intercede”
She Then Said : ” I Have No Need For Him “.
[Al-Bukhari].
Commentary : Barirah (May Allah be pleased with her) Was A Slave-Girl Of `Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her). Barirah Was Married To A Slave Named Mughith (May Allah be pleased with him). She Was Freed By `Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her). Now, Islam Has Permitted A Slave- Girl That After Being Freed, She Can Break Her Matrimonial Bond if She Does Not Like To Live With Her Husband. Mughith Was Madly in Love With Her And He Would All The time persuade her not to break their bond of marriage. When the Prophet (PBUH) came to know the condition of Mughith, he interceded for him and asked Barirah to restore her matrimonial connection with her husband. Since this was an advice and recommendation, she did not think it suitable for herself and regretted that she could not accept it. The Hadith evidently shows that Islam accepts legitimate rights of individuals and honours personal freedom, provided they do not exceed the limits of Shari`ah.