42 Practical Advices For Troubled Marriages

Accept that no person is perfect; all have some faults; focus on own faults; not next person’s faults; do not look for faults or highlight next person’s faults all the time.

1. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage; all marriages have some problem or the other, till the end; this is a test for Insan in this world
2. Always focus on the positive points/aspects of the marriage and one’s partner
3. My partner has been ordained for me by My Creator; so no point in finding fault with His decree
4. Realize that Allah made all different – temperament, habits, background – yet all have to live together; this is the challenge of marriage
5. Realize that Allah has made man & woman different; man is to be the kind and compassionate protector of woman, not her tormentor
6. Each partner must try to fulfill the rights of the other and forgo their own rights; not fight for and demand rights
7. Accept that no person is perfect; all have some faults; focus on own faults; not the next person’s faults; do not look for faults or highlight next person’s faults all the time
8. Never try to be a perfectionist in marriage issues
9. Make a firm commitment to make marriage work; affirm this by word and deed; do not say or do things that may damage the marriage
10. Be considerate of one’s partner; be sensitive to one’s partner; do not hurt feelings
11. Appreciate each other; express it now and then; do not take next person or favors for granted
12. Always be objective, not emotional; be rational, balanced, and just
13. Avoid assumptions, suspicions, and negative perceptions of partner; always give benefit of doubt; must verify facts
14. Gradually work towards overcoming one’s weaknesses; give the next person a chance; be kind, not harsh
15. Never be defensive; admit your mistakes; Allah alone is perfect. Avoid cynicism, pessimism, aggression, and negativity always
16. Anger is dangerous; it is also Haraam; control it by reading, water, wudhu, etc.
17. Do not walk away in anger for more than a few hours; try to make up as quickly as possible with loving gestures
18. Listen to the next person attentively, calmly, and patiently; do not comment right away; think it over; take time to respond
19. Lots of communication is required; communication requires skill and tact
20. Compromise is essential; marriage is not a one-way street; it is a dual road
21. Consultation in a friendly manner on all major issues is important
22. Balance the rights of everyone; do not be imbalanced; help one another to fulfill rights
23. Learn to relax & unwind; be humourous, not tense and anxious all the time
24. Be polite in speech & courteous; not rude & abrupt; do not scream or shout
25. Forgive and forget; everyone makes mistakes
26. Do not bring up the past; look forward, not backward; bygones are bygones; just as we want Allah to forgive us, forgive others
27. Mutual respect is important; never run down one’s partner
28. Help each other with housework and chores; a working mum has extra pressures
29. Take interest in the next person’s matters; do not be selfish and self-centered
30. Physical and verbal abuse is absolutely unacceptable
31. Confidentiality is important; never discuss with too many people; consult a pious elder or learned Aalim if
32. problems occur, but do not bottle up problems
33. Time away from each other occasionally is healthy for the relationship
34. Try and spend free time together, especially evenings & most weekends
35. Money matters must be done with consultation; save, be thrifty; but also not to the extreme; (do not be extravagant)
36. Have a medical check-up for pressure, sugar, etc. which can cause anger and frustration
37. No point in attributing all problems to Sihr (Jadu); avoid doubts; if necessary consult only an authentic Aamil (read Manzil for protection)
38. Romance is needed occasionally to revive the marriage
39. Come onto Deen fully; Salaah, Zikr, Tilawah; attend programs; start Taleem at home even for a few minutes; avoid sins and change life
40. When things go wrong, always ask: Where have we gone wrong? Rectify wrongs, give up sins, repent, and all will come right soon, In Sha Allah
41. Never underestimate the power of Dua; ask Allah for His help at all times, especially when things are not right
42. Each one will go to their own grave & stand alone before Allah to answer for themselves, not for others. With this in mind, do one’s duty and leave the rest to Allah.