Usually, you’ll find in articles on “The Manners of Naseeha” or “Fiqh of Naseeha” going over how to give Naseeha before mentioning how to accept it. I want to change things up and speak about receiving it first because of the problems many Muslims face with it.

Firstly, you have to humble yourself and break down your walls of arrogance. This lays the foundation for Naseeha to operate on. If every Muslim were to work for this, it would make identifying our mistakes for correction much more streamlined, whether the identification comes from yourself or from your fellow Muslim brother or sister.

Secondly, discard any self-perceived “rank” or “status” in your mind. It doesn’t matter if the person is a different age, or a different nationality, a different Manhaj, a different gender, or different at all. Whether it’s your parent, child, relative, Shaykh, friend, student, a pious person, a sinner, whoever, every Muslim has the right to advise you when you do wrong. Imam Malik (rahimuhullah) once came into a masjid after Asr and was commanded by a boy to pray two rak’ah of Tahayyatul Masjid even though it was clearly contradictory to his Fiqh position. His students saw this and later asked him why he prayed the two rak’ah. Imam Malik replied:

“My opinion has not changed, nor have I gone back on what I taught you earlier. I merely feared that had I not prayed the 2 rakas as the young boy commanded, Allah may include me in the Ayah…

And when it is said to them, ‘Bow (in prayer)’, they do not bow. – (77:48)

Sure, the story is famous, but the lesson learned is not: it doesn’t matter who gives you the advice. What matters is your humility and willingness to accept it, and Imam Malik was one who knew this well.

Thirdly, be open to accepting Naseeha. A lot of Muslims are quick to call out faults in others but will never accept any criticism for themselves. The Prophet (SAW) said none of us are true believers until “you want for your brother what you want for yourself.” Working on yourself is key for Naseeha to run efficiently. Think of it like the golden rule: Do unto others as you would like done unto yourself. You have to be willing to accept Naseeha yourself before you can expect others to take it from you. Ibn Rajab writes:

All the scholars admit that no one has complete knowledge of the Deen, nor does one from the early scholars or those who came after them make this claim. This is why the a’imah (imams) of the salaf are united upon the fact that one is obligated to take the truth, whoever it comes from, even if it is a small person. They used to advise their students to accept the truth, even if it is from someone other than themselves. Some famous scholars used to say, “This is our opinion; whoever comes with a better one, we accept it from him.”

In the end, the goal is for *positive* change with help from one another.

Giving Naseeha
Always give Naseeha sincerely. From the get-go, you want to have a clear intent that the reason why you’re advising this person is to please Allah (SWT) and find the truth of the issue at hand. Naseeha is not about who’s right and who’s wrong, or if either side is better or “holier” than the other. Both the giver and receiver should be striving for the truth, not to beat the other in a debate. Ibn Rajab writes:
Even more amazing is where he (Imam As Shafi’i) said, “I have never debated with someone except that I wished the truth becomes clear; regardless whether it comes from his tongue or mine”. This indicates that his intention was only to make the truth apparent, whether it is from himself or from the person with whom he differed, and whoever thinks like this, then there is no problem in refuting his statements by making clear his contradiction to the Sunnah, whether he is alive or dead.

Also, give it kindly! Ever heard of the phrase, “it’s not what you say, but how you say it”? This applies straight up to Naseeha. Rudeness in Naseeha is usually the number one problem that makes people unwilling to accept it, so don’t let anger cloud your approach. You may be upset with the person you saw doing something wrong, and you really want to give them a piece of your mind. Don’t. Being too harsh will destroy both your advice and your relationship with the person. Never underestimate the power of a smile (or a smiley face online!)

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