Advice To Daughter-in-Laws
1. Accept your in-laws as your own parents. You have them to thank for the wonderful man who has become your life partner.
2. Don’t compare them to your parents as to show your spouse how inadequate his parents are.
3. If your in-laws give a gift, appreciate it and do not pass unkind remarks.
4. Praise them often in the presence of your husband, family, and friends in that way, even though you have not grown to like them, you will in time.
5. Realize that they are also humans. They have their faults. You would never disown your parents for their flaws, so how can you expect the same from your husband’s parents? Hide their faults. Allah Ta’ala will conceal your faults in the hereafter.
6. Lower your expectations. As much as you might feel that marriage is a huge adjustment to you, having their son married is an adjustment for them too. Their son no longer belongs exclusively to them. You will now have to learn to share.
7. Treat them respectfully. A bad word creates a permanent rift.
8. When your children show them love, be thankful rather than jealous. Would you deprive your own children of the love of their grandparents, confining them only to the love of your own parents because of jealousy? How would you feel if your brother’s wife did the same with your parents?
9. Do all you can to make them feel at home when they come by to visit. When you visit them, assist them as much as possible. They should feel pleased when you come.
10. Treat every instruction of your mother-in-law like an instruction of your own mother. Give her pleasure precedence even though she may ill-treat you. Speak to her with respect and not as you speak to an equal. Never say anything if she scolds you. Never speak harshly to her.
11. Never speak ill of them in the presence of your children. If they have overstepped the boundaries, discuss this in private with your husband.
12. Never drag your husband into an argument between your mother-in-law and yourself. By doing this, you place your husband in a very precarious position. Should you have any issue you need to address with your mother-in-law, do so in a respectful manner. By holding mature adult discussions, an amicable agreement can be reached.
13. Be a giver instead of a demander. Always remember that it is sheer folly to always go around demanding that your rights be fulfilled. Rather, concentrate on fulfilling the rights of others. In doing so, you will find that those around you will automatically begin to fulfill your rights.
14. If your in-laws have no one else to reside with, offer them to reside with you. This is more so when the father-in-law passes away. By being of service to your mother-in-law, you will attain lofty stages in the hereafter, since service grants one Allah Ta’ala Himself. Never be selfish and ask your husband to choose between his mother and you. Remember; as you do, so will you be recompensed. One day, you too will reach old-age and will require assistance.
Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “Whichever young person honors an old person due to his age, Allah Ta’ala will create someone who will honor him in old age.”
15. If your in-laws oppress you, firstly turn to Allah Ta’ala and make dua to Him. Speak to your husband in a polite manner, and inform him of your plight. Learn to forgive and forget. Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “Allah Ta’ala increases a person in honor who forgives. Whoever humbles himself for Allah Ta’ala, Allah Ta’ala will raise him.”
16. Always encourage your husband to keep good ties with his family members, especially parents and brothers and sisters. Many brothers and sisters become estranged after marriage due to the stories carried by the wives to their husbands. Behave respectfully to all elders like the wives of the husband’s elder brother. If younger, be kind and loving and assist as far as possible in their work.
17. Recompense comes from Allah Ta’ala. Give and give and do not ever expect something in return. Always remember that the best recompense is always from Allah Ta’ala. Allah Ta’ala says: “And what is the reward of good except good?” (Ar-Rahman. 55:601)
By Moulana Abdul Hameed Ishaq
- October, 24
- 993
- Human Rights
- More
Riaz ul Jannah
Islaah ul Gheebah: The Cure For Backbiting
There is an extremely detrimental spiritual disease which has become very widespread in our day and age. It is the disease of gheebah (back-biting) due to which a person is harmed both in this world as well as in the hereafter.
In reply to the request of some of my acquaintances I have briefly compiled some of the harms of this disease along with the remedy for it from the writings and utterances of our pious predecessors.
By continuously pondering over these harms and by practicing and applying the remedies mentioned we will In Sha-Allah rid ourselves of this evil habit and be able to protect ourselves from it.
The Harms Of Gheebah
1.) Gheebah is that it causes disunity and separation. And from disunity and separation; arguments, fights and disputes break out. One is deprived from the benefits and advantages which come from unity and love.
2.) Due to gheebah, darkness overtakes the heart. If a person has any spiritual perception and feeling in the heart, then at the time of gheebah he will feel a type of choking feeling and discomfort.
3.) Both one’s Deen and dunya are harmed by gheebah. The worldly harm is that if the one who is being back-bitten finds out about it then he will disgrace and rebuke the one who is back-biting him. The Deeni harm is that Allah Ta`ala becomes displeased with such a person and Allah’s displeasure is tantamount to hell-fire.
4.) It is mentioned in a Hadeeth Shareef narrated by Imam Baihaqi in Shu`abul Imaan that:
“Gheebah is worse than fornication.”
5.) Allah Ta`ala will not forgive gheebah until the one against whom this sin was committed forgives him. (On the condition that the person knows that he was back-bitten. But if he does not know then it is sufficient to ask forgiveness from Allah.) This is because of the fact that the sin of gheebah affects the rights of the slaves of Allah.
6.) Making gheebah is tantamount to eating the dead flesh of one’s own brother as mentioned in the Qur`an Majeed, Suratul Hujuraat, verse #12. How despicable can a person be to do such a lowly action?! Now the same way a person would hate to devour the flesh of his own dead brother, similarly one should abhor doing gheebah just as much.
7.) Doing gheebah is sign of cowardice and fear. This is why it is done “behind the back” in another person’s absence.
8.) By continuously being involved in gheebah, the NOOR and spiritual brightness of the face is taken away. The face becomes lusterless and everyone has scorn for such an individual.
9.) Another great harm of gheebah is that on the Day of Judgment the good deeds of a person will be transferred to the one whom he made gheebah of. If his right is not fulfilled by the transferring of deeds, then the sins of the person who was back-bitten will be loaded onto him. Ultimately he will be doomed to enter hell-fire due to his pitiful condition at that time. This person has been called a muflis (a poor and destitute person) in light of the Ahaadeeth. Therefore one should make amends of this before that time.
Practical Remedy To Gheebah
1.) One should take action and not be passive and quiet when gheebah is taking place. Rather one should take a practical approach. If someone does gheebah in front of you then first of all you should prevent the person from doing it. [This could easily be done in a friendly manner by changing the subject saying, “Aw come on…. Let’s talk about something else!”]
If the person still persists in his gheebah then you must excuse yourself to leave that gathering. [Make an excuse to go to the bathroom or something else. Freshen up and come back. Hopefully the person will get the idea that you are trying to avoid his harmful conversation by leaving that gathering. And if he doesn’t get the idea, then…] one should clearly let him know that what he is doing is a sin and do not be afraid of breaking his heart or hurting his feelings.
A true believer does not break his own Deen for the sake of not breaking the heart of someone else. We do not cause hurt to our own Imaan for the sake of not hurting someone else’s feelings.
2.) One very brilliant remedy to this evil habit is that you should notify the person whom you have back-bitten and let him know what you said about him. If one punishes and humiliates the nafs like this a couple of times then one will regret doing this sin for good Insha-Allah.
Important Points To Remember:
1.) The definition of gheebah is to say something about someone (whether Muslim or non-Muslim) in their absence that they would not like to hear. Such as, saying someone is stupid, or lacks intelligence or to talk low of someone due to their lineage or family/worldly status. Or to talk about the defects in someone’s house, clothes, body, appearance, etc. In short, to mention anything about somebody that would hurt their feelings.
Gheebah can be done verbally, by making a gesture, by winking the eye, or even by giving an indication to it in one’s speech. All of these things are included in gheebah.
2.) To attain complete benefit from these advices one should also consult a qualified Muslih and form an ISLAAHI TA`ALLUQ (reformative and spiritual connection) with him. If these methods of remedy do not have any effect then one should refer back to one’s Muslih and notify him of one’s condition.
3.) There are some instances in which gheebah can be permissible such as:
–If by hiding someone’s condition and not speaking about him openly, you are sure that it will definitely cause harm to the Deen or to people, then it is necessary to speak about him. This is NOT haraam, rather it will be considered naseeha (well-wishing) for others.
–Of course before openly speaking about the condition of someone and making “gheebah” of him one should first consult and Alim who practices the Deen, whether the condition of this person is such which can be spoken about openly or not. After he has overlooked the situation and allowed it, then one can go ahead and implement his allowance.
Otherwise if this is not being done for the sake of saving the Deen and people from harm and it is done due to the desires of one’s nafs and enjoyment, then it will be considered gheebah and it will be haraam. To talk about someone’s short-comings and faults without proper knowledge of his condition, is buhtaan (SLANDER).
4.) Even if gheebah takes place in one’s Shaikh’s gathering, then one should make an excuse and leave that gathering. Just like rain is a beneficial thing and enjoying the rain drops fall is pleasing, but if it starts to hail then one should run from there for fear of getting hurt. [Likewise the Shaikh’s majlis is a means of showers of mercy but when there is sin in that very majlis then the showers of mercy turn to the shower of Allah’s displeasure. Therefore one should not remain there.]
(Remedy of the evil disease of backbiting)
By: Hazrat Shah Abrarul Haq (rahmatullahi alaihi)
Chori Karnay Ka Sharai Hukam Aur Waeedien
Action Or Acknowledgment
True faith should become an integral part of one’s thinking. It should permeate one’s heart and mind. Everything, one’s thoughts and desires, one’s love and fear should be subordinated to one’s faith. This is the supreme degree of faith. One who is of such faith is protected by God in this world, and one who is provided with divine protection on earth is sure of it in the hereafter.
There are other believers who work both good and evil, but they admit their faults. Hopefully, God will forgive them, for He is forgiving and merciful.
The strong in faith act according to their belief, but those who are weaker in their faith cannot achieve such consistency of faith and action. They, too, will receive God’s eternal blessings, but to do so, they should show contribution and not persist in their errors, they should openly admit their faults and not try to justify them. They should confess their guilt instead of trying to explain it away, they should show no signs of irritation when their faults are pointed out, but should bow in acquiescence, they should make up, with tears of humble entreaty, for what they lack in virtue. Those who do not even have this much to offer cannot expect forgiveness from God.
Hasad, Qatal Aur Husn Parasti Ki Muzammat
Three Kinds Of Dua
Prayer or supplication (Dua) is the essence of worship or servanthood to God. What rises to God from the whole creations is prayer. It has kinds and degrees:
1. The first kind is the prayer of all organisms, plant, animal and human, through the natural disposition of their bodies and their functioning in line with their duties in creation. This kind of prayer is always accepted.
2. The second kind is that which is uttered by all organisms, plant, animal, and human, in the tongue of vital needs. God meets these needs just on time, with the exception that plants, and the animals relatively weaker and less intelligent (as compared to others, such as wolves and foxes), are nourished more easily than the others. The more powerful and intelligent and more self-subsisting a creature is, the greater hardship it suffers to get nourishment.
3. The third kind of prayer is that which is done by human beings. This falls into two categories:
i. The first category is the active prayer. It means complying with the laws that God has set for life. For example, a farmer’s ploughing the soil is knocking on the door of Divine providence. A patient’s going to the doctor is appealing to God for cure. This kind of prayer is usually accepted.
ii. The second category is the verbal prayer that we do. This kind of prayer is also answered. But answering is different from accepting. God answers all the prayers done sincerely. However, He answers sometimes by giving whatever is asked for, sometimes by giving what is better, sometimes by postponing giving to the afterlife, and sometimes by not giving at all, since it will not turn out in favor of the one who prays. The way that God answers prayer depends on His wisdom.
Irshadate-E-Nabvi Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam
You Don’t Get Any U-turns On The Way Up To Allah
When we pack our bags to go visit our friends, we remember to pack our clothes, shoes, and other little things.
Since we could know right from wrong, we have started packing our bags and will finish when our souls leave us.
Have you packed your prayer in your bag of provisions everyday? Have you packed your fasting? Have you packed your reading and memorizing the Qur’an?
Our bags are called life. We have to pack everyday because we don’t know when Allah will call us back, so we have to be ready for the journey.
And on the way up to Allah, you don’t get any U-turns so that you could go back and get the things you forgot to pack. So start packing if you already haven’t, and don’t forget, there’s no such thing as too many bags when we’re packing for our trip to Allah.