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57 Ways Of Winning Your Husband’s Love

  1. Behave like a female, i.e. with all the tenderness of a female.
  2. Dress pleasantly and attractively. If you are a homemaker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.
  3. Smell good.
  4. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.
  5. Don’t keep asking him ‘What are you thinking?’ because, unlike women, men’s thoughts are as random as the results of a Google search. Women on the other hand have thoughts as organized as a labeled file cabinet!
  6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah gives you something really to complain about.
  7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet under the pretense of seeking help, even if you are the victim. If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues then go seek counseling with the right person.
  8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.
  9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam.
  10. Race to the door when he comes home as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug.
  11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.
  12. Compliment him on the things you know he’s not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc). This will build his self-esteem.
  13. Tell him he’s the best husband.
  14. Call his family often.
  15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.
  16. When he’s talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you’re interested.
  17. Encourage him to do good deeds.
  18. If he’s in a bad mood, give him some space. He’ll get over it, Insha Allah.
  19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It’s a big deal.
  20. If he’s angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you’re quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he’s calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.
  21. When you’re mad at him, don’t say ‘You make me furious,’ rather say, ‘This action makes me upset.’ Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him.
  22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.
  23. Let him chill out with his friends without guilt, especially if they’re good guys. Encourage him to go out, so he doesn’t feel cooped up at home.
  24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it.
  25. Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings.
  26. Don’t get mad over small things. It’s not worth it.
  27. Make jokes. If you’re not naturally funny, find some jokes on the internet.
  28. Tell him you’re the best wife and compliment yourself on certain things you know you’re good at.
  29. Learn to make his favorite dish.
  30. Don’t ever, ever talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily.
  31. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you’re a housewife, take online classes and be active in your community. This will not only make you happy but will impress your husband too.
  32. Do all of the above (i.e. trying to please your husband) for the sake of Allah and you will see Allah’s blessings in everything you do.
  33. Spouses are garments for each other; hide your husband’s faults and help him get over them wisely.
  34. Tell your husband you love him, many many times.
  35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter than him.
  36. Be fit and take care of your health; you will remain a strong mother, wife, cook, and housekeeper.
  37. Cultivate good manners. Do not be too loud, whether while laughing, talking, or even walking.
  38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge.
  39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so they always look fresh and crisp.
  40. Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day in every prayer. Truly Satan’s most treasured act is to create rifts between couples to the point of divorce. Seek Allah’s refuge from Satan.
  41. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and that’s really true.
  42. Make sure you always have something for dinner.
  43. Brush your hair every day.
  44. Don’t forget to do the laundry.
  45. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities can be gifts, like a pair of new shoes.
  46. Listen to him when he’s talking. Don’t interject with him and talk about your own issues.
  47. Try (hard as it might be) to take an interest in his hobbies (bowling?). Try not to go shopping too much and spend all his money.
  48. Look attractive and it’s fine, in fact good, to be seductive towards him.
  49. Learn tricks and techniques to please your husband in intimacy.
  50. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted).
  51. Take care of your skin, especially the face, which is the center of attraction.
  52. If you are not satisfied intimately, talk to him and help him. Don’t wait till matters become worse.
  53. Never discuss important or controversial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find the right time for the right discussion.
  54. Learn to compromise.
  55. Continue to do things for your husband and don’t take him for granted.
  56. Respect his rights (he’s your road to paradise).
  57. Make tea for him or whatever hot drink he likes, it will soothe his rough edges.

The Greatness of Good Family Ties

Allah has stated in the Holy Qur’an: Worship Allah and do not associate anything with him and be good to the parents and to the near of kin (family)…[s4:v36]

In society today there is no excellent emphasis or presence of good family relations. On small and insignificant issues relations are broken and in some instances, there is not a single word said between relatives for years. The environment of peace and serenity is not present in many households, and people look for faults in each other.  There are very few who are willing to humble themselves, to lower themselves for the sake of Allah. This is even after the blessed words of the Holy Qur’an and Ahadith which repeatedly order us to keep good ties of kith and kin. These orders are in respect of family on the mother and father’s side, close and distant relatives, all are included. If a person is married, then they should be considerate of their in-laws as well as their extended family. The parents are the most deserving of attention and rights from the family members.

Allah has stated in the Holy Qur’an: ‘Allah enjoins upon you Justice, the performance of good deeds, the assistance of relatives and those near to you. And Allah forbids for you immodesty, evil actions, and oppression. Allah admonishes you, that you may take heed.’ (Surah An-Nahl 16, v90)

The virtues of maintaining good family ties:
Sayyidina Abdullah bin Salam related: ‘When the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) migrated to Madinah Munawarrah, the very first thing I heard from Him was: ‘O People, you should say Salam to each other abundantly, for the pleasure of Allah, feed the needy, keep good family ties and when the people are sleeping in their beds at night, rise and perform Salah (Tahhajud). If you do this, you will enter Paradise with ease.’ (Mishkaat Masabih p108)

Sayyidina Abu Hurairah related: ‘The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘That person who wishes for his wealth to be vast (blessing), love between relations and his life to be long, he should keep good ties with his relations.’ (Jami Tirmidhi vol 2, p19/ Sahih Muslim #2557)

The Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘Assisting the needy with your wealth has only one reward in terms of charity. If that same assistance is given to a needy member of one’s family, it has two rewards. The first is charity; the second is keeping good family ties.’(Mishkaat Masabih p171)

Mujahid stated: ‘When a person has a relative who is needy and he intentionally bypasses this person and gives to someone else, in the sight of Allah this charity will not be accepted.’

Hasan Basri stated: ‘If Allah has blessed a person with wealth and he has relatives who are needy, he should assist them with his wealth. If a person does not have these means, they should assist them physically or then constantly console them with kind words. Whatever you have in your possession, your relatives also have a right stipulated within this. You should not believe it to be a favor from yourself to deliver this wealth to them, as to discharge the right of an individual is justice on behalf of Allah. Within performing this action there is no favor attached.’ (Mariful
Quran vol6, p737)

The warnings on breaking and keeping bad family ties:
Sayyidina Abdur Rahman bin Auf related, The Prophet (PBUH)  stated: ‘Allah says: I am Allah and I am the Merciful, that person who joins family ties, I will join him (envelop him in My mercy). That person who breaks family ties, I will break him (remove them from My special mercy)’ (Jami Tirmidhi vol 2, p13)

Experience shows us that family disputes arise from not fulfilling the orders of Shariah in relation to the rights of the family. Sayyidina bin Abi Aufa related: ‘I heard the Prophet state: ‘That nation wherein which there are those who break the ties of family, the Mercy of Allah does not descend on them.’ (Sunan Baihaqi/ Mishkaat p420). The scholars state that ‘mercy’ here is the special assistance of Allah and the sending of rain. (Mirqaat Shara Mishkaat vol 9, p202)

Sayyidina Jubair bin Mutim related: The Prophet (PBUH)  stated: ‘The one who breaks family ties will not enter Paradise.’ (Sahih Bukhari, Mishkaat p419)

Sayyidina Abdullah bin Amr bin Aas related: The Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘The one who is disobedient to their parents and the one who drinks alcohol will not enter Paradise.’ (Sunan Nasai/Mishkaat p420). The scholars relate the meaning of this Hadith that if the sins of this person are not re-compensated through punishment, the person will not enter Paradise (and Allah knows best). (Mirqaat Shara Mishkaat vol 9, p202)

Sayyidina Abu Bakra related: The Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘The punishment for oppression and breaking of family ties is received in this world first (in ‘Jami’ Saghir’ the disobedience of parents is also mentioned), the hereafter holds a separate punishment altogether for this sin.’ (Jami Tirmidhi/ Mishkaat p420)

It is found in ‘Dure Manzoor’ the deeds of mankind are presented before Allah; none of the deeds of the one who severs the ties of kinship are accepted. Faqih Abu Layth Samarqandi related: ‘The severing of the ties of kinship is such a despicable sin that it also causes those that sit near the one who performs this deed to be devoid of the mercy of Allah. It is, therefore, necessary that every individual repent from this deed as quickly as possible and improve their family ties.’ (Tambihul Ghafily)

The joining of ties with those who break family ties:
Sayyidina Abdullah ibn Umar related: The Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘The upholding of family ties is not achieved by equal treatment of relatives. The one who upholds the ties of relationship fully is he who when is treated harshly by relatives, upholds a virtuous character and good conduct with them.’ (Equal treatment means if relatives are kind then their kindness is reciprocated; if they are harsh and distant then the other is also harsh and distant.) (Sahih Bukhari #5991/ Mishkaat p419)

Sayyidina Abu Hurairah related: One companion questioned the Prophet (PBUH): ‘I have relatives to whom I am very good, however, they are very harsh towards me, I am very kind and soft to them in speech and they are very rude and insulting in their speech towards me.’ The Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘If what you are saying is true, then the person who is causing you misery is, in fact, causing harm to himself. Until you remain in this situation, there will always be assistance (an angel) from Allah with you.’ (Muslim vol 2, p315)

The above commentary highlights the virtues and importance of good family ties which shows that the teaching of Islam propagates a beautiful, pristine, and pure message. Such eloquent and wonderful wisdom cannot be found in other scripture. If Muslims were to act upon these teachings, our homes would become gardens of paradise and our lives would be full of ease and comfort. It is therefore necessary that good family ties are kept only for the pleasure of Allah. Saying this, we should bare in mind that in situations where relatives perform acts that are contrary to the
teachings/orders of Islam, they should totally be disregarded. There is no obedience to the creation in place of the Creator. If a relative is trying to lead a person down the wrong path, then he should try and reason with his relative. However if this relative insists on an evil action, then he should forsake him and not join for the sake of ‘maintaining family ties’. It is an amazing thing to note that when it comes to sinful actions people will happily join their relatives to keep face and totally disregard the fact that they are disobeying Allah.

To withhold rightful inheritance of family members due to personal differences or disputes:
It is a matter to be grateful for the blessing of Allah that He made His creation into families and stipulated between them the law of inheritance through his religion. It is due to this fact that any difference or grievance that one may have with a family member cannot be used as an excuse to cut out or lessen their rightful inheritance. It is an obligation upon us to distribute our inheritance to our heirs as rightfully laid out in Islam.

Sayyidina Anas related the Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘That person who prevents a rightful heir from his or her inheritance, Allah will prevent that person from inheriting Jannah.’ (Sunan Bayhaqi/Ibn Majah #2703 & 2713)

In Jami Tirmidhi Sayyidina Ibn Umar related the Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘That person who has taken someone else’s property is not one of us’. Sayyidina Abu Hurairah related that the Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘Verily people will obey Allah for 60 years (their whole life) when their time of death comes, they will fail to stipulate the correct terms for their inheritance (will cut out or not fulfill the full amount to one or more inheritors). Then for them, the Hellfire will become compulsory.’ (Mishkaat Masaabih p265)

Sayyidina Saeed ibn Zayd related, the Prophet (PBUH) stated: ‘Whoever takes a hand span of land off somebody wrongfully, on the day of Judgement, (the weight of) 7 earths will be placed around their neck.’ (Mishkaat Masaabih p254) For what seems a very small benefit in this world, we forsake and destroy our hereafter and everything it contains. Where is the logic in such a transaction? May Allah allow us all to correct our affairs, repent from our wrongs, and guide us to follow that way which has been shown by his beloved the Prophet, the companions, and those that came after them.

by Mufti Muhammad Yusuf bin Yaqoob Danka

Significance Of The Sunnah

There are numerous examples set by the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) that show how emphatically they abided by the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) to the extent of severing their relations with their kith and kin once they discovered someone going against the Sunnah. Let us have some examples from the lives of the great Caliphs of Islam followed by many other Companions:

Just after the death of the Prophet (peace be upon him) three major issues confronted the Muslim community. They could have left it apart and disunited, had it not been for the wise guidance of Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) who settled them amicably in the light of the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). The first issue was related to the appointment of the khalifah (leader of the Muslims, caliph). Assembled in Saqifat Bani Sa’idah, a great number of Muhajirun (those who emigrated from Makkah to Madina) and Ansar (those who helped the emigrants from Makkah) originally had been busy arguing this issue. The Ansar proposed that the leader should be appointed from both of the above communities. The Noble Companion Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) cited the saying of the Prophet (peace be upon him ): “Leaders (imams) should be from Quraysh (the tribe of Prophet Muhammad) as long as they have the understanding (of the religion).” The Ansar conceded to this quietly. The great Companion Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) proposed the name of Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) as the khalifah, which was accepted unanimously by those present there and later followed by all the inhabitants of Madina through the oath of allegiance.

The second issue was related to the place where the Prophet (peace be upon him) should be buried. Again the Companion Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) cited the saying of the Prophet (peace be upon him ): “A Prophet is to be buried where he breathes his last.” Accordingly, his burial took place in the apartment of his wife, the Mother of the Faithful Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her), in which he died.

The third issue was related to the inheritance of the Prophet (peace be upon him) as raised by his daughter Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) who came to the Caliph Abu Bakr asking for her share. Abu Bakr replied by reminding her of the saying of the Prophet: “We, the community of the prophets, are not inherited from; whatever we leave behind us is a charity.” Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) did not argue further, but retired quietly.

Caliph Uthman (Allah be pleased with him) once agreed to buy a piece of land from a person. On the completion of the verbal agreement, he asked the man to collect the money the following day. But the man turned up after a few days, only to renounce the agreement. He had changed his mind because his friends had blamed him for selling the land at a low price. Uthman could have been adamant about the sale, particularly when it had been agreed upon completely. But he remembered the saying of the Prophet (peace be upon him), which admired a person who treated the people easily and wholeheartedly in his sales deals. So, Uthman (may Allah be pleased with him) preferred to concede to the man’s wish without raising any objection.

In one of his journeys, Ali (Allah be pleased with him) found a merchant hoarding a stock of grain in the hope of a good price. Ali reminded him of the saying of the Prophet “The hoarder is cursed,” and instructed his people to set the stock on fire as a punishment.

This is how the four Rightly-Guided Caliphs (may Allah be pleased with them) adhered to the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him). Let us have some more examples from the lives of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all).

Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud (may Allah be pleased with him) heard a man saying after a sneeze , “Al-hamdu lillah wa as-salatu wa as-salamu ala Rasuli Allah.” Ibn Mas’ud said to him, “Whatever you have said is true, but that is not the way that the Prophet has taught us. He instructed us to say simply Al-hamdulillah‚ after sneezing.”

It would be appropriate to remind all Muslims about this Sunnah, which is commonly abandoned by a great number of them. Say “Al-hamdu lillah” whenever you sneeze. If you hear someone saying this after sneezing, say to him “yarhamukumu Allah” (may Allah have mercy upon you). The sneezer should pray for you as well by saying “Yahdikum Allah wa yuslihu balakum” (may Allah guide you and set your affairs right). There are plenty of occasions when you should say “As-salatu wa as-salamu ala Rasuli Allah.” You should say it, for example, whenever you hear the name of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) or whenever you enter a mosque or step out of it, adding these words respectively: “Allahumma iftah li abwaba rahmatik” (O Allah, open for me the doors of Your mercy) and “Allahumma inni as’aluka min fadlika” (O Allah, I ask You for Your bounty).

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) used to address a gathering of Muslims on Friday eve. Once, before beginning his sermon, he said to the people , “Whoever has cut off from any of his relations should leave this place.” No one stood up. On repeating these words thrice, a young man left the place and went to his aunt whom he had deserted a long time before, and reconciled with her. Abu Hurairah said this is because he knew that all actions are presented to Allah on each Friday eve. He didn’t like his assembly of the devout to be smeared by a person who had committed the sin of deserting his relatives. By doing so, he saved a person from a major sin.

This is how the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) conducted their lives – setting sublime examples of adherence to the Sunnah.

Prophet Muhammad: Normal Family Relations

After marriage women need to adjust to the demands of their new status. The couple would have known each other very well and they would be familiar with what each of them requires for a happy and settled home life. It is often the case that families stay together because of public duty, or because a break-up is too costly, socially or materially.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) lived with his first wife, Khadijah (Radi Allahu anha), for 25 years. After her death, he married several wives, but he was with the first of these, Sawdah (Radi Allahu anha), for several years before he married again. All his marriages were necessitated by legislative, social, or political reasons. This means that each one of his wives realized at the time of her marriage that she was being married to a person who received direct revelations from God. This was a far more honorable position than that of any king or emperor. How could they adjust to their new positions? What sort of training did they need for such an adjustment?

Umar ibn Al-Khattab (Radi Allahu anhu) tells us of an occasion when he was at home thinking about a problem he was facing when his wife asked him what was on his mind. He told her that it was none of her business. She said: “How could you say that when your daughter, Hafsah, would ask her husband, the Prophet, about his affairs and would object to something he might wish?” Shocked, Umar (Radi Allahu anhu) went to his daughter and asked her if that was true. She confirmed that it was. Umar (Radi Allahu anhu) counseled his daughter not to do this again, reminding her that should she be divorced, her position with God and the Muslim community would be greatly undermined. Umar (Radi Allahu anhu) further asked another of the Prophet’s wives, Umm Salamah (Radi Allahu anha), about this, because she was related to him. She confirmed it and he tried to counsel her, but she said: “How strange that you, Umar (Radi Allahu anhu), are trying to interfere between God’s messenger and his wives?”

What this tells us is that life in the Prophet’s home was just as normal as it was, and remains, in most families. A married couple may have the occasional disagreement, and if a wife feels that she did not receive what she wants, she may be upset with her husband. She may object to a decision he might have taken and tries to persuade him to change it. If she fails, she may decide not to speak to him, or she may sulk for a while. A little later, things may sort themselves out. The fact that the other party was God’s messenger did not affect this relationship. They looked at it as a normal married life. Thus, the position of the Prophet as God’s messenger disappears, and what is left is the relationship between a man and his wife.

In the Prophet’s case, this was governed by his advice to us all: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife and family. I am the best of you to my wives and family.” This Hadith sets a principle that the best of all people are those who are kind and compassionate in their dealings with their wives and children. It also sets a practical example that we should all follow. This was the example provided by the best person to have ever lived on earth, Muhammad (peace be upon him).

– by Adil Salahi

Duty Towards Kin And Neighbors

After the limited circle of the family, the next social sphere is that of kinship and blood relationships. Islam wants all those who are related through common parents, common brothers, and sisters, or marriage to be affectionate, cooperative, and helpful to each other. In many places in the Quran good treatment of the near relations (Dhawi-al-qurba) is enjoined. In the Hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) proper treatment of one’s blood relations has been strongly emphasized and counted among the highest virtues. Islam looks with great disfavor to a person who cold-shoulders his relations or treats them indifferently.

But this does not mean that it is an Islamic virtue to favor one’s relations. If such support or bias towards one’s relations results in injustice, it is repugnant to Islam and is condemned as an act of Jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic times). Similarly, it is utterly against the principles of Islam for a government official or public servant to support his relations at public expense or to favor his kith and his kin in his official decisions: this would actually be a sinful act. Fair treatment of one’s relations, as enjoined by Islam, should be at one’s own expense and within the limits of justice and fair play.

After relations come one’s neighbors. The Qur’an has divided them into three categories:

1. a neighbor who is also a relation
2. a neighbor who is a stranger
3. a casual or temporary neighbor with whom one happens to live or travel for a certain time.

All of them are deserving of sympathy, affection, kindness, and fair treatment. The Prophet (peace be upon him) once said that the rights of the neighbor were so strongly emphasized by Angel Gabriel that he thought neighbors might even share one ‘s inheritance. (Bukhari and Muslim)

The Prophet (peace be on him) said: Anyone whose neighbor is not safe from his misdeeds is not a true Believer. (Bukhari and Muslim)

Again, he said: A person who enjoys a meal while his neighbor is starving is not a true Believer. (Ahmad, Baihaqi)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) was once asked about the fate of a woman who performed regular prayers and fasted extensively and who was a frequent almsgiver, but whose neighbors complained of her abusive tongue. He said: Such a woman shall be in the Hellfire. He was, then, asked about another woman who did not possess these virtues but did not trouble her neighbors either, whereupon he said: She would be in Paradise. (Ahmad, Baihaqi)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) has laid so much emphasis on being considerate to neighbors that he has advised that whenever a Muslim brings home fruit for his children he should either send some to his neighbors as a gift or at least take care not to offend them by throwing the peelings away outside their door. On another occasion, he said: A man is really good if his neighbors regard him as such, and bad if they consider him so. (Ibn Majah)

Islam, therefore, requires all neighbors to be loving and helpful and to share each other’s sorrows and happiness. It enjoins them to establish social relations in which one can depend upon the other and regard his life, honor, and property as safe among his neighbors. A society in which two people, separated only by a wall, remain unacquainted with one another for years, and in which those living in the same area of a town have no interest or trust in one another, can never be called Islamic.

Next to these come the wider relationships covering the whole of society. The broad principles on which Islam wants people to structure their social lives are:

Help you one another in Al-Birr and Al-Taqwa (virtue, righteousness, and piety); but do not help one another in sin and transgression. (Qur’an 5: 2)

You are the best of peoples ever raised up for mankind; you enjoin Al-Maruf (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam has ordained and forbid Al-Munkar (polytheism, disbelief, and all that Islam has forbidden. (Qur’an 3:110)

Do not think evil of each other, nor probe into each other’s affairs, nor incite one against the other. Avoid hatred and jealousy. Do not unnecessarily oppose each other. Always remain the slaves of Allah, and live as brothers to each other. (Muslim)

Do not help a tyrant, knowing him to be such. (Abu Daud)

To support the community when it is in the wrong is like falling into a well while catching the tail of your camel which was about to fall into it. (Abu Daud; Mishkat)
No one among you shall be a true believer unless he likes for others what he likes for himself. (Bukhari and Muslim)