Showing Disrespect to One’s Parents (Part 1)
Allah, the Most High, says, {Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, “My Lord! Bestow on them mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.} (Al-Isra: 23-24)
Therefore, you should serve them as they did with you. But your service is not equal to theirs, as they suffered a lot in bringing you up, hoping that you might live long. On the other hand, when you shoulder their burdens, you hope that they will die soon. Allah, the Most High, says, {Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: To Me is thy final goal.} (Luqman: 14)
Behold, how Allah has associated gratitude to Him with the gratitude to the parents. Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “There are three verses (ayat) which have been revealed associated with three others. They are not accepted separately.
a) Allah, the Most High, says, {Obey Allah and obey the Messenger. And beware (of evil) if ye do turn back; know ye that it is our Messenger’s duty to proclaim (the message in the clearest manner).} (Al-Ma’idah: 92)
Thus, whoever only obeys Allah will have his obedience not accepted.
b) {And be steadfast in prayer: Give Zakat.} (AI-Baqarah: 43)
Hence, whoever performs prayers and does not pay Zakat will have his prayers not accepted.
c) {Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is thy final goal.} (Luqman: 14)
Whoever shows gratitude to Allah and neglects his parents will not have his gratitude accepted. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Allah’s satisfaction is the parents’, and His Wrath is theirs.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi)
“A man came and sought permission for Jihad (fighting in the way of Allah). The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked
him: “Are your parents living? The man said, “Yes, Sir.” He (peace be upon him) said, “Then carry on Jihad in service to your parents, as this is as good as Jihad.” (Reported by A1-Bukhari and Muslim) Behold, how Allah has preferred obeying and honoring the parents to Jihad!
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Shall I not tell you of the worst major sins? Worshipping others with Allah and showing disrespect to parents.”
Again, Allah associates showing disrespect to parents with worshipping others besides Him. It was related that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever shows disrespect to his parents, he who reminds recipients of his charity to them, and he who is addicted to wine will not enter Paradise.” (Reported by Ad-Darimi, Ahmad, An-Nisa’i, and Ibn Hibban)
In another tradition, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Had Allah known something concerning showing disrespect to one’s parents, less than Uf (a word of contempt), He would have forbidden it. Let the rebellious son do whatever he does; he will not enter Paradise, and let the obedient son do whatever he wants; he will not enter the Hell-Fire.” (Reported by Ad-Dailami)
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “May Allah curse he who shows disrespect to his parents.” (Reported by AI-Hakim)
“May Allah curse he who reviles his father; may Allah curse he who reviles his mother.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad and An-Nisa’i)
It was related that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Allah respites whatever He wants of the sins until the day of Judgment; save showing disrespect to one’s parents, it will be hastened to its doer.” (Reported by AI-Hakim), i.e., the worldly punishment before the Day of Judgment, Ka’b Al-Ahbar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “Allah hastens the death of anyone who shows disrespect to his parents so as to torture him. On the other hand, Allah increases one’s lifespan if one is kind to their parents to bless them.”
Treating one’s parents with honor also requires supporting them with their living costs when they are in need. A man came and said to the Prophet (peace be upon him), “O Messenger of Allah, my father asks for my property.” Then the. Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Both you and what you possess are your father’s.” (Reported by Ibn Majah and Ahmad)
When Ka’b Al-Ahbar was asked about the meaning of showing disrespect to one’s parents, he said, “When one’s father or mother swore an oath, and he or she did not fulfill it. When they ordered him to do something, he did not obey. When they ask him for something, he refuses, and when they entrust him with something, he deceives them.
Ibn ‘Abbas (radi Allahu anhu) was asked about Ashab Al-‘Araf (men of the Heights), and he said: “As for the Heights, it is a mountain between Fire and Paradise. It is so-called because it is like Fire and Paradise. It is also covered by trees, fruits, rivers, and wells. As for the men who seized thereon, they are those who went out to fight in the cause of Allah without their parents’ permission and then were killed. Death in the cause of Allah protects them from the Hellfire. But disobedience to their parents deprived them of Paradise. Thus, they will be on the Heights until Allah judges them.
It was related that a man asked the Prophet (peace be upon him), “Who deserves my service most after Allah?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “And who is next?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Your mother.” The man asked further, “Who is next?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied, “Your mother.” The man asked once more, “And who is next?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Your father and then the closer kin.” (Reported by AI-Bukhari)
Thus, the Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasizes that the mother is the one who deserves much concern, and
Therefore, he mentioned her three times. It is the mother indeed who bears a lot in pregnancy, giving birth, suckling, and constant care to the child night and day.
by Imam Shamsu ed-Deen Dhahabi